SoleMate Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 Hey, I remember some of your back story. Here it is: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t53248/ She may be bipolar, but you sure as shootin' have some anger management issues yourself. That's probably what led to the restraining order. I agree with Art Critic that your actions were motivated by desire for revenge, NOT the best interest of the child or of your ex-gf. So, I really can't approve. Clearly, she was not the best mom she could have been. It definitely would have been better not to use drugs, to cook from scratch instead of opening a can, to attend all his baseball games instead of only half, and to avoid moving both of them in with an anger-filled, vengeful man. However, I am certain that her son feels this to be a very painful separation. His mom isn't perfect, but it does sound as if she provided plenty of love and caring. It is unfortunate to see that broken up. And it is also sad that the relatives appear to be no better than the mother. You're definitely not this kid's savior. She went off the deep end, and so did you.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 *My opinions are only based on the information provided by the OP* Starmap, I don't understand why the other posters are so hard on you. Unless I'm missing something from your story, you're not saying you were perfect, in fact in your last thread you admitted to making mistakes. You have said numerous things about this women that I don't think anyone in this thread would have put up with, or at least not for very long. The fact of the matter is, and I'm repeating myself, it had to be done, PERIOD!! It doesn't make any difference to me whether you did it out of spite, out of concern for the child or concern for her own well-being. If your dating an ex convict who is making plans rob a bank... do you not tell the police? Do you just let him/her do it because they have a child? Posted by Solemate It definitely would have been better not to use drugs, to cook from scratch instead of opening a can, to attend all his baseball games instead of only half, and to avoid moving both of them in with an anger-filled, vengeful man. YOu mean those things wouldn't have angered you?? Posted by Solemate but it does sound as if she provided plenty of love and caring... Where the hell did you read that? Did I miss something?? Posted by Art_Critic Yes this is very true.. but he didn't say he wasn't bothering her.. Also an abusive man or stalker will always blame the other partner for the mess.. which is what he is doing.. The OP mentioned she was bipolar and had a drug and alcohol addiction. Very very bad combination. Is it so hard for you to believe she was having a fit and called the cops on him? I dont' see how you can't consider that since your so quick to consider he was stalking her even though he has stated she was pushing him away one minute and calling him the next. Being once married someone who was bipolar I would think you would know how unstable she must be. I am not necessarily sticking up for the OP, I am just simply comenting on what he posted. I don't understand how everyone is so quick to judge him when his GF clearly is the crazy one. I do agree w/Art about moving on and leaving her alone!! SHe is an unhealthy person, and sadly, her chances of staying that way are higher than of her changing for the better. And you Starmap are no better if you stay with her or around her knowing how messed up she is. JMO
Art_Critic Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 Starmap.. I re-read the thread and I wanted to tell you I'm sorry that I came on too strong.. even though I stick behind my advice, my delivery left something to be desired.. I normally do not come on as strong as I did in your thread.. Peace and I hope you can put this to bed and leave her in your past.
hotgurl Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 man I feel sorry for the kids. I would just walk away because even if she is forced into rehab she might not recover. She has to want to get better and want to stop using and It can take a while. Nobody can do this for her. And I do agree with art (mr wiggles ) that this was done out of anger. But maybe it is better for her. It's too bad she couldn't got to rehab and not inturrupt the kids' lives so much. That being said I don't feel bad that she is in jail and hopefully she'll get some help before she kills someone with all the drinking and driving not that really pisses me off!
Author starmap3 Posted May 25, 2006 Author Posted May 25, 2006 for the last time... THERE IS NO RESTRAINING ORDER NOTHING NO REASON why do you think there was a restraining order? lol
Guest Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Chill brother. What's done is done. You don't have to justify anything, but when you post, you've got to expect some responses that won't line up with your way of thinking. That's honesty, not a personal attack, and it's part of what makes this place helpful to get some insight on why we do what we do.
Author starmap3 Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 right but they are assuming there is an order of some sort to stay away from her and there isn't.
Mary3 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Yeah great quote. i got together with her because she was sweet, loving, caring, and good looking. Then the more I learned about her, the more f-ed up it got. I felt bad for her. I played the rescuer, until she finally snapped. My description is 100% accurate. It's just a shame to see this happen. She will be getting a bed soon in rehab. To mr high and mighty, if it didn;t happen now, it would have certainly happened soon enough and the kid would have had to go through more of her neglect. Regardless, SHE f**ked her life up and his, not me. You understand that this is a LIFETIME problem ? I am not sure if you have left this relationship completely but if you stay the Recovery is forever. At any time she can relapse. I personally will not get involved with someone who has a drinking problem. I lived over 10 years with someone who quit drinking 1,000 times. Thank you but no thanks. No disrepect intended for those who are in Recovery . I admire you if you have stopped and are in control of your drinking. But I don't ever want someone again who loves the taste of liquor.
Mary3 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Yes I sure am. It's been one thing after the other and when she pulled that s*** last week, that was the last time she was going to do that to someone. Especially the broken promises to her son, etc. I wrote her a letter Tuesday and Wednesday and if she calls or writes, she calls or writes. If I don;t hear anything by next Wednesday, I'll stop writing. Like I said, I do care about her. I love her. She has done many bad things. I'm not making excuses for her but her f***ed up way of thinking is because of 28 years of f***ed up living prior to me. That's a fact, and I hope that she gets what she needs. If that involves me way down the road, then so be it. If not, then so be it. and to A_C... that was the story. She is mentally incapacitated. I don;t know what you don;t get about it. For 2.5 years I have picked up the slack for her because I felt bad for the kid and no child deserves that neglect./ In the end, I enabled her. Also, in the end, when I began to challenge her on her parenting, she got really salty and it started going downhill. Regardless, there is not anything "missing" from the story. She is insane. Period. Possibly schitzophrenic even. She did this on wednesday and changes her number and then calls ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER THE WEEKEND. Then she went to jail. That's the story. Again, I coached the kids baseball team for two years, I paid all the bills, they lived with me, I helped the kid with his homework and he started getting better grades, I cooked, I cleaned, etc. She did nothing. I helped them, I didn;t hurt them. Also, this is a totally different situation than the post about the neighbors. They have since admitted calling her in. This isn;t a DV issue. It's an issue of someone who is incapable of parenting and they moved out a few months ago and it just got worse. I don;t know what else to say other than I didn;t do anything. It is possible for one person to give and give and give and the other takes and takes and takes, and that's what we had here. Don;'t even bother with "why didn;t you just dump her then". BI POLAR. Get it? One day it was fine, then the next it was hell. I stuck by her, which is more than I can say for most a**h***s today. p.s. she didn;t raise the kid, an aunt from her former husband's family did who lived upstairs. I'm off the Pearl Jam in Jersey. later So while she was drunk and passed out you had to feed the child ? While she slept you had to clean the house and make sure the child had clean laundry ? While she drank herself into a drunken stupor you held down the fort ? You paid all the bills ? You basically raised the child while she was sauced up ? Where did all this get you ? You were the enabler for sure. You enabled her to do what she did. Imagine a 7 year old with no clean laundry, no hot meals , dirty face ( no bath ) . Her neglect would have been evident 2 years ago to the general public but you covered for her and cared for her child. One part of me is glad you did. The other part wonders how you are in such a quandry over someone who was inebriated and lacked her faculties and how much you want to knock her down now ? I advise : Get real and get out of this mess. Hopefully the child can be in a better home while mom goes into recovery
Author starmap3 Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 what i did was admirable, but i was never made to feel that way. in the beginning i didn;t realize the drinking problem, and i would drink with her. when i saw that she can pound 18 beers in a night, i wondered. i should have left sooner, but i thought it would get better and i wanted it work... in the end all i got was heartache and the feeling of being used. oh well, like i said she is in jail now, and i have no contact with her. she obviously doesn;t want any either, or she'd call collect or write to me.
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