Alexsoconfused Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 I wrote in here before about my gf of 6 yrs cheating on me us taking a break me dating someone new and my ex threatening to never see me again. When I wrote that I wasnt sure what to do because I didnt want to break up with my new girl because I really care for her and we get along so well. Its been a couple days and I made my decision. Although I dont want to lose this new girl because shes wonderful and really I love her the thought of never being with my ex was way too scary. I dont know if I suddenly feel this way because I have all these attachments to my ex or what the hell is goin on but Im afraid of making the wrong decision. I got a message from the girl Ive been dating last night saying she was in love with me and that she was afraid I was going to hurt her and now this changes everything. I dont know what to do She knows Im still in love with my ex, so should I tell her that I need time to think and date my ex to see how things go? Should I be a complete idiot so that she hates me and then she wont be hurt I dont know what to do I dont want to hurt her.
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 It sounds like maybe you need to be alone and ON your own for a little while. It's not fair for her or healthy for you to jump from one relationship to another one. The fact the new girl says she's inlove with you too is added pressure for you to FEEL that love for her...And how is it possible when you say you're inlove with your EX? I'm sure you care about this other girl alot and have feelings for her, but that has to move real slow until you're over your Ex.
Author Alexsoconfused Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 thanks for that, I never thought about it in that way but knowing that this other girl loves me does add pressure. I know I should be on my own and am totally avoiding it... Its especially hard because they are both so sweet and sensitive and completely opposite. I know my ex has been hurting this entire time Ive been dating the new girl and I know the new girl has had her heart broken before. If I just tell the new girl that I need time alone to think because Im still in love with my ex this will definitely hurt her and probably break trust but its better than hurting her even more in the long run right? And if I tell my ex that I love this girl she will probably hate me feel threatened and push me away but at least she'll know how I feel right?
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Be honest with the new girl and definately let her know how good she makes you feel, but explain to her that it would be unfair of you to get involved with her so quickly...Maybe if she likes you enough and thinks you're worth it, she'll wait around and be a friend to you. As long as you and the EX are definately over.. Yes, it will hurt her now, but you'll be saving her from future heartache if you two DO get serious and then you end up back with your EX. Better to have hurt NOW than later. Only you can control what you do and feel...You can't control what she thinks/feels or your ex.
Author Alexsoconfused Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 thanks again for taking the time, this is all going to hurt really bad. Such is life
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 I know. All you can do is take this day by day and see how things go. If you really DO like this other girl, then tell her that and just make sure SHE understands that she hasn't done anything wrong. It really is YOUR issue, not hers...Us women have a way of blaming ourselves for things that aren't our fault. Keep posting too, let me know how things go, k.
Author Alexsoconfused Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 I will definitely be posting again, Im talking to them both tonight.
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 I'm glad to hear that. I know this may sound selfish, but right now you need to put yourself first because of all the feelings involved, for both of them. I'm sure it won't be easy, but I think you'll feel some relief once those conversations take place.
Author Alexsoconfused Posted May 25, 2006 Author Posted May 25, 2006 Well I talked to them. First I talked to my ex, we agreed that some time apart to have us both sort out our feelings is a good idea. We will respect whatever decisions are made. The conversation with the new girl went really well, basically she said that only I know what I want and only I can make that decision. She said that no matter what we started off as friends and I shouldnt be afraid if thats what I want to be, but she doesnt want me to take her for a fool so whatever decision I make she wants to know as soon as I make it. I really have no idea what I want so I hope that having them both understand that I need time will take some pressure off me and let me make the best decision. Its almost unreal how understanding they both are being...
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 I think it's great that things went so well. Be on your own, figure things out. And take your time - Don't make any quick choices if you feel you miss one more than the other...You gotta weigh in all the factors too.
jonesgirly Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 You sound like a younger man, Alex....and I hope the lesson you've learned here sticks with you your whole life. Its much easier to be Honest, Open, AND Compassionate, than to lie, cheat, and steal. Kudos, dude
Author Alexsoconfused Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 Really and truly do thank you. Ive been seriously tormented by this for so long, nobody wants to listen because we're all friends and they dont understand or have preconceived notions and I just needed to have an honest unbiased opinion/ear...
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