babydoll_mimi Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Before I ask for input or advice I'd have to tell y'all my story. Here goes. I met a guy at the gym. He is 31 and I am 21. We started out as friends, kinda called eachother now and then, he did share the fact that he has 3 kids. Eventually I found out that while he wasn't living at home w/ his wife and kids, he wasn't actually divorced. They were merely separated and going through a divorce. Anyway, after a nasty custody battle, he realized due to politics, he would have had the kids taken away from him (she isn't the best of mothers, so this bothered him). For the kid's sake, he went back home, so he could go about things the right way and build a better case come the end of the year when this particular judge will be out of office. He has to watch his steps carefully now, so we only occasionally see eacother, or I'll get a private call now about once a week. He says he doesn't want me to feel obligated to wait for him, etc., but then he sometimes says things in conversation that would insinuate that when the second attempt at divorce and custody occurs in 6 months, he'd liek to be w/ me and even want a serious relationship w/ me and his kids. I guess it's hard to get input w/out knowing better details like his occupation, my situation, my projected income, personality, and love for his kids....but any input/advice/statements would be appreciated. thanks!
rossm Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Lay low and wait until the divorce is finalized. Six months isn't that long. If you thought the divorce proceedings were messy before, just wait until her attorney and the judge hears the word "infidelity".
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Think long term here, not short term. The guy isn't divorced, he has 3 kids. He's 31 and you're 21. Do you think he's going to want more children? Do you want to be a stepmom to 3 kids? If she is mentally unbalanced, that makes this situation worse, and not only that, she WILL be in your life FOREVER because of HER children if you stay with him. From where I sit and from what you've said, this isn't a situation that will be healthy for you. Go read some other stories by OW, maybe that will discourage you from getting involved with him.
Sami_D Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 ... For the kid's sake, he went back home... He has to watch his steps carefully now, so we only occasionally see eacother, or I'll get a private call now about once a week. Hmmm.... well I smell something a bit fishy here. BUT then I'm an incredibly suspicious person Whatever... he's gone back to her (for now?). MM have a habit of doing that... meeting someone while separated, and then all of a sudden they're back with their wife. AND... once they have someone on the side adoring them they're FAR less likely to separate and D. Odd creatures. If I were you I'd keep your distance, don't build up any hopes of him leaving, and then... see what happenes in 6 months. Don't be his OW.
gypsygal44 Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Have you met her, seen her, know anything else about her other than what HE has told you? I ask this because my EXH had and still has a married OW who he left me for. (Doesn't make sense but he's a man). Anyway, she and I spoke just once and she told me things that he told her about me, just blew my mind. I was unstable, crazy, bad mother the whole bit. I ended up with my kid and am not crazy or unstable. They tell you OW what they think you want to here about us W's because it makes you feel sorry for them. They use that as a way to get to you. They see themselves as a victim. They aren't most of the time. It is the families left behind that are the victims. Most of the time these guys have done this before and will continue to do so. Once a cheater always a cheater. It is in their nature and they end up blaming the wives. My advice is to stop seeing him until his divorce goes through. My H is now my EXh and still sees his OW. So it does happen. Just don't play the fool for his victim act. Be smart. Check it out for yourself. If she doesn't know who you are then meet her somewhere accidentally and see if she really is crazy or just hurt terribly. Maybe you will find out he's lying to both of you. You are only 21, don't settle for someone elses sloppy seconds. Find a love for yourself. You deserve it. Gypsy
Author babydoll_mimi Posted May 25, 2006 Author Posted May 25, 2006 In response to most of y'alls replies: Yes, as far as I know, she really isn't a good mother, this has come from family friends, several members of his family, him, things I"ve overheard her say on the phone, messages, etc. I know this probably seems like a joke to y'all b/c I'm only 21, and a year ago I would have never imagined loving a man ten years older, and becoming a step mother to THREE children, but now it seems to fit. I can deal with having her involved for life b/c of the kids, but I really do think that it's in their best interest to be w/ him full time. I don't know if it makes a difference to y'all, but while they were married, she had cheated on him at least 8 (admitted) times throughout an 8.5 yr marriage. Not that he's faultless, but as far as I've been able to gather from him, friends, family, etc. he really didn't cheat on her. He as a product of a divorce, and didn't want to put his kids through it, but finally, enough was enough. While they were separated, she had a bf, and he at first wasn't dating anyone, then he met me. My name came up in court but was quickly dismissed due to no real evidence on her part. That's why he's being so careful now b/c she probably has a PI on him ocassionally, and is taking better notice of his phone/email records. Keep w/ the replies if y'all can. You're really helping me through this. Thanks!
Recommended Posts