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Phyrespryte's Guide to Staying Single (no need to beat them off with a stick)

phyrespryte

By phyrespryte
in General Relationship Discussion

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phyrespryte Established Member

phyrespryte

Posted
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As of August I'll have been single for 3 years, so trust me. I know what I'm talking about. I'm a pro. ;)

 

1. If someone asks you out...say no. Sometimes you might be tempted to say yes. In situations like that I like to say to myself, "Why would they be interested in me? Something must be wrong with them". That always puts things in perspective.

 

2. If you end up on a date by accident be extremely quiet. Only use one word answers. If you feel the need to talk, then ramble on about things that you dislike or things that are wrong with you.

 

3. Perhaps you find you'll find yourself attracted to someone and their persistence overwhelms you. You might even feel bold and want to start a relationship. STOP! Overanalyze everything they do. There's always an ulterior motive and you need to find it. Don't stop until you do.

 

Yes it is all possible in only 3 easy steps.

crazy_grl Established Member

crazy_grl

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LMAO! Let me be your first testimonial. I heavily apply number 3 and occasionally number 1 and number 2. Works like a dream...

agnf666 Established Member

agnf666

Posted
Posted
As of August I'll have been single for 3 years, so trust me. I know what I'm talking about. I'm a pro. ;)

 

1. If someone asks you out...say no. Sometimes you might be tempted to say yes. In situations like that I like to say to myself, "Why would they be interested in me? Something must be wrong with them". That always puts things in perspective.

 

2. If you end up on a date by accident be extremely quiet. Only use one word answers. If you feel the need to talk, then ramble on about things that you dislike or things that are wrong with you.

 

3. Perhaps you find you'll find yourself attracted to someone and their persistence overwhelms you. You might even feel bold and want to start a relationship. STOP! Overanalyze everything they do. There's always an ulterior motive and you need to find it. Don't stop until you do.

 

Yes it is all possible in only 3 easy steps.

 

I think that is what I'm going to use from now on... I'm personally tired of dating a**h***s... Time for a nice long break!!!

norajane Established Member

norajane

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:D:D

 

I'd add 'whine about every past relationship you've ever been in during your date'.

agnf666 Established Member

agnf666

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:D:D

 

I'd add 'whine about every past relationship you've ever been in during your date'.

 

haha yes I have done that... It works wonders... :lmao:

SuperMonk Established Member

SuperMonk

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Are you over 30, single, and a woman? If yes then everything you just said I will discount as self insane rationalization.

luvtoto Established Member

luvtoto

Posted
Posted
As of August I'll have been single for 3 years, so trust me. I know what I'm talking about. I'm a pro. ;)

 

1. If someone asks you out...say no. Sometimes you might be tempted to say yes. In situations like that I like to say to myself, "Why would they be interested in me? Something must be wrong with them". That always puts things in perspective.

 

2. If you end up on a date by accident be extremely quiet. Only use one word answers. If you feel the need to talk, then ramble on about things that you dislike or things that are wrong with you.

 

3. Perhaps you find you'll find yourself attracted to someone and their persistence overwhelms you. You might even feel bold and want to start a relationship. STOP! Overanalyze everything they do. There's always an ulterior motive and you need to find it. Don't stop until you do.

 

Yes it is all possible in only 3 easy steps.

This thread is a wake up call for me. I have a new guy...and I've been making these mistakes. I don't want to be single anymore!!! Time to shape my sh*t up! Goshhhhhhhhh.

Noos Established Member

Noos

Posted
Posted

4. If you are even slightly overweight during your teen or early adult years, you're doing well. By the time you get to be a size 6-8, everyone your age will be married! Good going!

 

5. Get a tertiary education and a career so you can be confident that men will pass you over for a blonde checkout chick. If you find yourself hanging out with too many smart people - don't worry. Your object of affection will seek out the girl who is actually a solicitor but who is willing to pretend she's a vegetable just so he can pump up his ego (among other things).

 

6. Be self-sufficient and competent. Nothing is more repellent to a man than a woman who can pay her own bills, has an interesting life and friends of her own - all without him.

 

7. Be sure to have an opinion - especially about serious things such as politics and whatever you may have seen on the news. Men want women who read Cosmo and are learning how to suck up to them better - (literally and figuratively) - not women who read actual books.

 

8. Be sure to moderate you drinking habits. Nothing says "party-pooper" like a girl without a binge drinking problem.

 

Hope this helps.

Mary3 Established Member

Mary3

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10. Make sure you make it a point that you are a Cheap Date and that no money will be excised from your pocket at any time .

 

11. Make sure you tell your potential date that you no longer trust women to any degree whatsover anymore.

 

12. If you do happen to fall into bed together be sure and look at your watch after 10 minutes and say " Oh My. is it that late ? , I have to get going " !

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
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just what we need...another guide :rolleyes:

Outcast Established Member

Outcast

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Yeah but THIS is a good guide :D

justagirl1121 Established Member

justagirl1121

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13. When the going is good, just tell them you want a relationship....or screw that, just give the slightest hint you're interested in more and they'll never speak to you again.

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phyrespryte Established Member

phyrespryte

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Are you over 30, single, and a woman? If yes then everything you just said I will discount as self insane rationalization.

 

What if I'm not over 30? Hmm?

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phyrespryte Established Member

phyrespryte

Posted
  • Author
Posted
10. Make sure you make it a point that you are a Cheap Date and that no money will be excised from your pocket at any time .

 

11. Make sure you tell your potential date that you no longer trust women to any degree whatsover anymore.

 

12. If you do happen to fall into bed together be sure and look at your watch after 10 minutes and say " Oh My. is it that late ? , I have to get going " !

 

:lmao:

 

Sounds like a blind date from hell. One time I was set up with a guy so cheap that he paid with a coupon! And he was proud of it too!

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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just what we need...another guide :rolleyes:

 

So with that being said, I better not see a guide started by you...I could only imagine what it would be about...:laugh:

 

How to play with your nutsack and not get noticed or caught! :lmao:

Lishy Established Member

Lishy

Posted
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14. When he takes you for a meal, look him directly in the eye just as your meal arrives, hold his hand with your left hand and with your right hand, pick a bogey freshly out of your nose and flick it straight in his dinner! He will love you for it!

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