stillhurtintoday Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 My boyfriend (Ken) and i have been together for 10 years this month, We met when my children were 3 and 5. 14 months ago i find out he had been having an emotional affair with my best friend of 18 years. My friend (i'll call her Kate) and i were very, very close alot like sisters almost inseparable,we did just about everything together good times and bad. We had coffee together ususally 2 nites a week, and we would always joke call that our therpy sessions to just vent and talk about anything or everything we needed to or wanted to talk about. There was never any holds barred! neither one of us felt like there wasn't anything we couldn't possibly tell or talk to each other about, whether it be talkin about our jobs, our children, or our men in our lives. To make a very long story short, it was March of 05 that i found out Ken and kate had been having an emotional affair. Ken and i were having some real troublesome problems in our relationship. I was gambling and drinking alot so as a result I had become emotionally and at times physically unavailable for him. He tried talking to me about the problems but i would just clam up and not want to talk. He did not know what what to do about my problem and he was getting no where with me...so I guess he decided the next best person to talk to would be my best friend..knowing full well Kate and I had always talked about everything going on in our lives. For a few months my intuition was telling me something was going on with Ken, I had suspected maybe he was talking to someone or seeing someone online because he was using the computer alot more than normal. One sunday afternoon, my suspicion was getting the best of me, so I hacked into his email (i know that was probably wrong) and there it was in black and white email after email.. to and from kate. It did start out as ken wanting answers and Kate not really offering to much information. but it didn't take too long for the intimicy to start..they talked about the dinners they had and the drinks they went for, the talks on the cell phones, the poems that where written and plans they had going. Not once in any of the emails did Kate defend me as her friend. Only once to say "I would really hate to see the repurcussions of this if it were to ever get out". And the reason she said that was because Ken was getting so involved that he wanted them to tell me and Steve (Kate's Boyfriend). I was absolutley devastated, I could not believe the s*** i was reading.. knowing that was my bestfriend was on the other end of those emails. I didn't know what to do. Ken was at work and there was no way i could call Kate...and even begin to believe and trust anything she had to say. So after reading the emails about 1500 times over and over again, trying to understand (but couldn't) i did write one to kate...yes there was some expression of anger but mainly alot of hurt was expressed in this email. I told her she had had plenty of opportunities to let me know my Boyfriend of 9 years was coming on to her. But, she choose not to.. instead she just lapped it up. Obvoiusly enjoying what she wasn't getting at home or something! So...in so many words and these exact ones too i told her "Not to blame me for being a bad girlfriend to Ken and think about if she was a better girlfriend to me this whole situation could of been avoided". She just needed to be up front and tell me about the 1st conversation she had with Ken. When she replied to this email ...I couldn't believe what i was reading...she totally blamed the whole thing on, not once did i read ("i'm sorry"). All she did was go on about me what a bad person i was, all these years i've been with ken and how many times i screwed around on ken...and all the men i've been with. I was flabber gausted! And then.. if that wasn't enough back stabing... she had to twist the knife and forward this email to ken as well. So before ken got to his email and read that from her.. I printed it and gave it to him myself. He did believe some of what was in that email and i did admit to being unfaithful once many years before..but I admitted it, I owned it and i'm dealing with it. But because of that, their little affair did not end once i found out...i think ken thought it was the permission to keep seeing and talking to her. All I wanted to do was put all this drama behind us, move on, learn and grow from this whole ordeal. But, no my life was a living hell for another 10 months. Although, ken said that he could trust me, he was giving me no reason to truly trust him. The calls didn't stop the meeting and online conversations didn't stop. I would ask him if he loved me and he would say yes...but he would also say he couldn't cope with the fact that i was unfaithful to him years prior (one nite fling and i know that can't be justified). I've just recently told myself and voiced it also to Ken that this is enough ...i'm not gonna do it anymore life is way too short and if Kate is what he wants then get on with it ...because he's just wasting mine and the kids time being here if it's not where he truly wants to be. Since then I have been able to put down some of my guard, he has been better and showing more respect toward my feelings. I do believe him when he tells me he loves me. And I love him more than words can say. I'm sorry this was so long in story but it the shortest version i could think of.
Recommended Posts