makerm4me Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I am hoping maybe there are some of you out there that may have been there done that with my situation. I like, other , am married, unhappily, and am involved with MM. We actually found each other on an infidelity web site. I know that some of you will say that is wrong. There is no denying that. I really checked out the site to see if I could find someone to talk to once in a while. Never intended to get physical. I have never had an affair before. We both agreed the first conversation we had that our present situations would not change and this was just to be an affiar nothing more. No happily ever after. Unlike many, I am fine with that. But he has now told me he loves me and that he feels like it is crossing over into his "real world". So he is backing off a little. As I try not to blame him for that and feel hurt by it, I do. Not asking for sympathy here! Just wondering if anyone else has ever had an affair and was fine with it not going any where? I enjoy loving him secretly and wish to keep doing so. I know it is wrong but I love having him in my life. I would never want him to leave his kids or ruin his life for me! But here is a question I have. Why do mm men want to take the ow to thier house and have them in their bed? And what does that mean? He had presented this and I was shocked by it but it happened. I can say that I do feel some guilt over it but not as much as I should. PLease don't criticize me. I already know it was terribly wrong. I just wonder if anyone knows why he wanted to do this? Unlike the other testimonies I read, he never says anything bad about his wife! He has only said she ignores him but she is a good wife and a good mother. If I even suggest anything negative about her he gets irritated. Does that seem odd to any one?
Chump64 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 It's not odd at all. He probaby has a decent marriage and he wants some nookie on the side to spice things up. If you like being used for that, keep it up. Keep in mind that many times, affairs (for men) are -- to a great degree -- about sex. Affairs (for women) are -- to a great degree -- about emotional intimacy. Keep your eyes wide open though and be fully aware of the devastation and consequences for his spouse, and yours. Plant this in your brain now, b/c I (and others who have been betrayed) have no patience for affair participants who cry (after being busted) "I never thought about the consequences!" I'm sorry to see you are messing with kids' lives, as well. My husband wanted to bring his OW to our house too, though he insists that he never would have taken her to our bed. They had a lot of sex in the first house we owned, but never in our bed. However, my husband went to her house and they screwed in her bed. That would be too much for me to get past. If my bed had been violated in that way, I'm not sure I could survive the marriage. I most certainly would need a new house / a new bed, at the least. There is another board here called "OW/OM" or something like that. You may find more people on that board who have been in your shoes.
mee2 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I am married and having an affair. I have one BIG rule I refuse to break....having sex with my lover in mine & my husbands bed. NEVER! I cant do it. To me, that is the lowest upon lows and I cant do that. Call me whatever you want, but I refuse to do it.
Blind Illusion Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I am an OW but never went over to the MM's house or bed. A couple of times we went to his parents house when the were away but that's as personal it has gotten. Nor did I ever think of bringing him home to my house. Guess each situation is different.
Chump64 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 My husband's OW routinely invited him over late at night when her husband was out of town. They screwed, in her marital bed, while her kids were asleep in the next room. And my husband had the balls to tell me she was "a good mom." I'm no psychologist, but I think screwing in your marital bed is either (a) some sort of true statement of contempt toward your spouse, even if you never verbalize any contempt; or (b) a statement of how incredibly low your own self esteem and self value can take you.
Trimmer Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I am married and having an affair. I have one BIG rule I refuse to break....having sex with my lover in mine & my husbands bed. NEVER! I cant do it. To me, that is the lowest upon lows and I cant do that. Call me whatever you want, but I refuse to do it. Yeah, boy, that would be pretty low all right... Good to know that you have a clear idea of what your boundaries are and that you stand firm on your principles. :D I just wonder if anyone knows why he wanted to do this? Unlike the other testimonies I read, he never says anything bad about his wife! Seems pretty straightforward - doing it at home, in "their" bed just adds to the risk/thrill. This is a guy who is cheating on his wife, the mother of his kids. Are you expecting high ethical standards? Google "Madonna Whore Complex". I don't mean this as a personal attack on you - it's in his head - but I think his wife is the madonna.
Guest Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I appreciate your response. I realize that there is a forum on here ow/om but these two are very similar. That forum also has individuals dealing with the consequences of their spouse cheating and the like. I posted here because I felt that poster here, who have had there spouse cheat might be able to give me a better insight as to why my mm wanted to do what we did. I am not proud of what I did! I am not wanting sympathy or expect ever to get it. The more I think about what we did, yes the worse I feel about it! Especially for the kids. I have never met his. I have not intentions of doing do and he will never meet mine. But I do realize they too could and will be affected from this. I don't feel like I am his "nookie" on the side. If anything I fee that I am probably using him too. But the bedroom thing was so odd to me. I do agree with you that it was the lowest of lows to do to another woman! I don't want to ever do it again! But I certainly do not expect any sympathy or compassion from any one if I get hurt. Your response has opened my eyes and I appreciate your input. It's not odd at all. He probaby has a decent marriage and he wants some nookie on the side to spice things up. If you like being used for that, keep it up. Keep in mind that many times, affairs (for men) are -- to a great degree -- about sex. Affairs (for women) are -- to a great degree -- about emotional intimacy. Keep your eyes wide open though and be fully aware of the devastation and consequences for his spouse, and yours. Plant this in your brain now, b/c I (and others who have been betrayed) have no patience for affair participants who cry (after being busted) "I never thought about the consequences!" I'm sorry to see you are messing with kids' lives, as well. My husband wanted to bring his OW to our house too, though he insists that he never would have taken her to our bed. They had a lot of sex in the first house we owned, but never in our bed. However, my husband went to her house and they screwed in her bed. That would be too much for me to get past. If my bed had been violated in that way, I'm not sure I could survive the marriage. I most certainly would need a new house / a new bed, at the least. There is another board here called "OW/OM" or something like that. You may find more people on that board who have been in your shoes.
Recommended Posts