otherlover Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 hey everyone- I just wanted to fill you guys in and ask for some help here...i dont want to get attacked tonight..not that you guys attack but you know what i mean. Im very emotional and just need some advice. In my current relationship my mm has made the desicion to leave. Actually he has been pretty blunt with his wife but i guess she is just too stupid to realize what he actually said to her. He told her straightout that he wasnt in love with her anymore. He doesnt have the same feelings that she does for her anymore. He wants out and the only reason he is still around is for his daughter. They dont speak anymore except for when he sees her for 30 minutes out of the day when he picks his daughter up from daycare and wait for her to get home, then goes back to work. Anyway to make a long story short, after he told her he wanted out, she begged him to go to marriage counseling and try, he said fine he owed it to her to go. I think its pointless considering he already said i dont want to be with you anymore! but hey, he owes it to her and he does need to make this as easy of an out as he can for our relationship sake for his sake to continue to be in his daughters life after divorce. Now with all that said, I AM FREAKING OUT OVER THE IDEA OF THEM GOING TO COUNSELING! I really am scared S***less that they might get good advice and he decideds to give her one last shot. I cant handle that being done! He says i have nothing to worry about, Fate brought us toghether and has kept us together, and i should believe that me and him will work out. but i told him, that if he tells me later that night that he is gunna give her one last shot, i told him i have to end it because i cant deal with that.
aktieb0cka Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 hey everyone- I just wanted to fill you guys in and ask for some help here...i dont want to get attacked tonight..not that you guys attack but you know what i mean. Im very emotional and just need some advice. In my current relationship my mm has made the desicion to leave. Actually he has been pretty blunt with his wife but i guess she is just too stupid to realize what he actually said to her. He told her straightout that he wasnt in love with her anymore. He doesnt have the same feelings that she does for her anymore. He wants out and the only reason he is still around is for his daughter. They dont speak anymore except for when he sees her for 30 minutes out of the day when he picks his daughter up from daycare and wait for her to get home, then goes back to work. Anyway to make a long story short, after he told her he wanted out, she begged him to go to marriage counseling and try, he said fine he owed it to her to go. I think its pointless considering he already said i dont want to be with you anymore! but hey, he owes it to her and he does need to make this as easy of an out as he can for our relationship sake for his sake to continue to be in his daughters life after divorce. Now with all that said, I AM FREAKING OUT OVER THE IDEA OF THEM GOING TO COUNSELING! I really am scared S***less that they might get good advice and he decideds to give her one last shot. I cant handle that being done! He says i have nothing to worry about, Fate brought us toghether and has kept us together, and i should believe that me and him will work out. but i told him, that if he tells me later that night that he is gunna give her one last shot, i told him i have to end it because i cant deal with that. I have said this before, if there are no divorce papers, he may go back to her!! You need to know that and prepare yourself for that because there is going to be a lot of hurt. I think that marriages always deserve a second chance. I had to accept that because MM is never coming back to me. He is trying to make it work, regardless of what he told me. I got hurt, but I understand that he never was mine so I can’t be pissed that he is with the W.
aktieb0cka Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 End it and move on. It does suck, but we know in long run, it is better for us and more healthy for us!!
Sami_D Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 I AM FREAKING OUT OVER THE IDEA OF THEM GOING TO COUNSELING! I really am scared S***less that they might get good advice and he decideds to give her one last shot. I cant handle that being done! He says i have nothing to worry about, Fate brought us toghether and has kept us together, and i should believe that me and him will work out. I'm going to give some different advice to the first posts here. I'm going to say: listen to him. If your MM really is telling the truth about his feelings for his W and his feelings for you (do you have any reason not to believe him?), there is every chance you will be fine. Stop panicking. He needs to do this for HIM. He has a daughter, and he needs to know that when/if he walks out of that door, he gave his M every last chance of survival. By letting go and 'allowing' him to go through this MC, you will be giving yourself, and him, a huge present for the future (if you have one together)... and that is the peace of mind that he did everything he could. Just imagine if he left now... and months down the line regretted it..? Would he have every right to throw this back in your face... that you screamed and shouted and talked him out of this MC? IF he leaves, he'll fell tremendous guilt in any case about 'abandoning' his daughter. Men are like that. So, give him a break... I suggest that you stand back, give him space, and allow him to work this one through himself. What do you think?
Jessie61 Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 I'm going to give some different advice to the first posts here. I'm going to say: listen to him. If your MM really is telling the truth about his feelings for his W and his feelings for you (do you have any reason not to believe him?), there is every chance you will be fine. Stop panicking. He needs to do this for HIM. He has a daughter, and he needs to know that when/if he walks out of that door, he gave his M every last chance of survival. By letting go and 'allowing' him to go through this MC, you will be giving yourself, and him, a huge present for the future (if you have one together)... and that is the peace of mind that he did everything he could. Just imagine if he left now... and months down the line regretted it..? Would he have every right to throw this back in your face... that you screamed and shouted and talked him out of this MC? IF he leaves, he'll fell tremendous guilt in any case about 'abandoning' his daughter. Men are like that. So, give him a break... I suggest that you stand back, give him space, and allow him to work this one through himself. What do you think? Otherlover, For what it's worth, I agree with every single word Sami says...
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