In love with my Best Friend

[Guest]

Hey,

 

This is my first post but I need advice about a platonic relationship with my best friend. Im a male by the way and she is my best friend. First off, We first met in College and she has the same major as me. We have had many classes together and still have classes. Over the years, we have become really close friendship wise. I see her everyday in class and we talk on the phone everyday, go out for lunch everyday just about, and just hanging out.

 

Well here is my situation, I have really grown to love her and want more than just a friendship. I have let her know that I want to date her and that I like her but that was while she was dating her boyfriend. I continued to be patient and be her best friend. Well she sent an email saying she enjoys every minute with me but wants a platonic relationship. Well after that email I just kinda gave up on trying to get her to date me but she still continued to flirt with me and leading me on.

 

She then breaks up with her boyfriend and I thought this was my chance to possibly be by her side and maybe she will fall for me. By the way (when they got in a big fight she called me in the middle of the night and asked if I could pick her up. We then went to her apartment and she wanted me to stay with her. She was really upset so I slept with her that night, No sex but just to comfort her.) I really thought that this was it, I was going to get her finally. Well, she is still broke up with him but she still has a sexual relationship with him. They arent dating but are sexually active. Then she just recently started talking about other guys that she thought was cute and she has started dating some other guy only on a few dates. She started dating this new guy, Having sex with her ex still, and here I am her school buddy.

 

I have tried to move on to find a new girl but I cant stop thinking about her. What is messing me up is even though she still see's those guys she still flirts with me, leads me on, talks about she wants to live with me when we get out of college, and even gets jealous when I talk to other girls, but she doesnt want to have a relationship for some reason. We are perfect for each other and people always say that around us. I just need some advice on what I should do with her. Should I continue to try to pursue her or should I move on. Does she really like me but doesnt want to mess our friendship up?

I just dont understand why she does this to me, because she knows I have feelings for her.

 

Sorry for rambling but i tried to put it all in there. Im sure I left a few things out.

[sazzya1987]

Seems like she likes the attention and the idea of you liking her which is why she gets jelaous or she possibly likes you too but is unsure right now if she wants you. I think you should talk to her, tell her you like being her friend but you can't wait around while she is dating other guys because what if down the line she finds another guy again and stays with him for 6 years or over. you can't hold off other girls just for her. You need to tell her to stop messing you around and getting your hopes up by flirting with you because if nothing is going to happen with the both of you then she should not give you faulse hope.

[Groupie]

I think she is confused about her feelings for you. Maybe she has a desire for you also but wants to keep them hidden as she feels is may ruin your relationship. I think you and her should just have a lajor talk...get down to the nitty gritty. Make sure you are both satisfied by the end of the talk...so you both know where you stand. If it's not meant to be, then she is still a great friend to you...you need to learn to appreciate and push those thoughts of love to the back of your head and move on.

 

Most of all just be thankful for the friendship you have.

[noclobber]

I am telling you man, the best thing that you can do now is completely give up the hopes on this girl and move on. Trust me she will not date you!!! I am sorry to be so blunt but I just want to save you from a lot of pain. Women are very different in how they see relationships. Once they see you as a friend thats pretty much the end of it. You are not going to make the transition of friend to boyfriend. You even told her and she says she likes you only as a friend. On top of that she is dating other guys and sleeping with her ex.. Take this as the final answer and focus on other women.

 

She may say that wants to spend every minute with you and blah blah blah but the only thing to focus on here is the fact that she won't date you!!!

 

I don't know why the other posters are saying that might have feelings for you. In my opinion she doesn't, cos if she did she would be dating you now.

 

In one word, run!

[carmaenforcer]

Guys and girls can not be friends. This type of s*** can happen.

 

noclobber, great advice. Although women sometime seek out more from their "guy friends". I think the key is chemistry, attraction, etc. If it's there they will also blur that line between friends and something else, but only if they want it.

 

If this guy could just pick up and go get another girl would he be looking for a mate not just in his friend group but in someone that obviously belonged to someone else. No, game or respect.

 

Yeah, Guest. I agree with noclobber on this one. Leave her alone and count yourself lucky that her boy friend didn't deal with you when they were something.

[norajane]

Well she sent an email saying she enjoys every minute with me but wants a platonic relationship.

 

That means she really likes you, but she's not attracted to you in a romantic/sexual way. You don't make her heart beat faster.

 

This would be a good time to move on - don't even consider sharing an apartment with her after college. You'll end up being her apartment-boyfriend and she still won't be attracted to you and she'll still be seeing other people and you'll be even more perplexed and hurt.

 

Go out and start getting to know some other women, women who are attracted to you, women who might wonder what it would be like to kiss you... Trust me, it's a LOT more fun that way.

[1979]

Hey, This is "Guest" for some reason it double posted my post and gave me the name of "Guest". Anyways, thanks for the replys about the situation. I understand what I have to do know and just move on. I admit its partly my fault and hers to. She told me she just wants to be friends but for some reason I keep thinking there is a chance just because of the way she acts toward me. But she says she wants to be friends but still flirts, etc and wants to be with me alot. But I really do need to forget about it all together. Its cost me alot of heartache, and pain. I have another question. What should I do now? I can't ignore her all together and I still want to be best friends. Do I slowly move on and not do everything with her anymore? Its easier said then done when trying to find a new woman also. I dont have that many friends and finding a girl that I like is hard. Im really picky I guess. Thats probably why im crazy about this one girl because we get along together so well and she seemed perfect for me. But I realize that its just not meant to be i guess and I have to try to forget about it.

[norajane]

Hey, This is "Guest" for some reason it double posted my post and gave me the name of "Guest". Anyways, thanks for the replys about the situation. I understand what I have to do know and just move on. I admit its partly my fault and hers to. She told me she just wants to be friends but for some reason I keep thinking there is a chance just because of the way she acts toward me. But she says she wants to be friends but still flirts, etc and wants to be with me alot. But I really do need to forget about it all together. Its cost me alot of heartache, and pain. I have another question. What should I do now? I can't ignore her all together and I still want to be best friends. Do I slowly move on and not do everything with her anymore? Its easier said then done when trying to find a new woman also. I dont have that many friends and finding a girl that I like is hard. Im really picky I guess. Thats probably why im crazy about this one girl because we get along together so well and she seemed perfect for me. But I realize that its just not meant to be i guess and I have to try to forget about it.

She's not perfect for you - she's having sex with other guys and isn't interested in sex with you. Be pickier. One of the things you should be picky about is a woman's attraction to you.

 

What do you do now? Do things with other people. Explore your current interests and try new ones. You're in college, so take advantage of all the sports and clubs and campus activities - do you like tennis, drama, writing, art, baseball? Try them all and meet new people. Go to parties without your 'friend' and talk to other people. Get a job, apply for internships, talk to people in your classes.

 

You don't have to completely shut your friend out, but you do have to develop a social life, and a life life, that doesn't revolve around her.

[1979]

Well, We had long talk about our relationship yesterday. First it starts off, I text message'd her a few times yesterday and she never responded. I got alittle annoyed because lately she has been ignoring some of my emails, calls, and text messages. Not always but seems like more and more. So I sent her a kinda nasty text saying why is she ignoring me. Well she kinda blows up and then she writes a text saying that she likes me but sometimes the boundaries are confusing between our relationship and that the reason for her ignoring my messages is because she said she doesnt know how to respond to them. When I write her stuff I always say I love you and I enjoy our time with each other etc.

 

Then we start talking about our relationship, and I start asking her if she likes me likes me. I just let out everything saying I really like her and want to be her boyfriend etc. Well she tells me that she likes me but isnt interested in a relationship with me or anyone else right now. I then ask her if she was looking for a relationship would you consider me, and she said probably not. AHHHH!!! That really hurt. But I knew it was comming. She said that she loves me and loves what we have but she doesnt see us on that relationship side of it. I then go into asking her if its because she is not physically attracted to me. And she said she isnt.

 

So I basically know that it will never be between us to. Mind you she has flirted with me since we have known each other, we have kissed before, and she still says she likes me. But she does all that but isnt interested in a relationship. She has put me through so much pain.

 

Finally, I can tell this was really hard for her to tell me like it was really hard for her to let me go in that way. I still want to be her friend and hang out with her but she then tells me she is going to need alot of space between us to, and things are going to be different between us. This actually hurted me more than her saying she doesnt want to be in a relationship. I didnt intend to lose our friendship by doing this but I think I hurt it by bringing up this stuff to her. I understand that I wont be with her but I still want what we have had. I dont know what I should do to keep our friendship up and strong now. It really hurts me saying things will be different like she is saying we wont hang out much more. Id thought I'd write this because yall have been giving me great advice and a couple of yall said we need to sit down and talk. Well we did and here it is.

[Pink]

Sorry to be so blunt with you but you sound like you are just her back-up boyfriend. When she doesn't want to be alone, you will do....but not for a real relationship involving sex....sorry

 

Your friend sounds like she needs alot of attention from men in the first place. Sleeping with one, dating another and having everything in a relationship except the actual relationship with you all at the same time.

 

I think your friend has problems and you are actually lucky you are not further involved with her. You should move on.....to continue as you are is just not normal....good luck to you....