daphne Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 After 5 weeks of no contact (on unanswered call) he came around to a place I go to regularly and he usually doesn't. I didn't talk to him so he came to me. We flirted a little, caught up a little, and he complimented me. At the end of the night I went to say good bye as he was waiting for me by himself. He looked like he wanted to say something but he didn't. So I left. I feel like he's hoping that I'll accept his terms, but he came to me so I'm confused. So why is he back? I know he misses me. I know he loves me. But I set the ground rules. I'm not going back to a relationship without a future when he's moving away. He lied to me several times about it. The last time he came back he had no qualms letting me know how he felt. He asked for another chance and I gave it to him. He didn't do it this time. So what is he doing now?
JustWantToBeHappy Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Do nothing. You asked "what's he doing?" , he's trying to put the ball in your court without ever having to step onto the court himself. I had an ex that would do this to me all the time. He made me do all of the "fixing us" after every breakup until I finally stopped. It's was so frustrating. Him looking like he wanted to say something and actually saying it are very different. He's should have to do alot better than that to get you back. Be strong girl! If he wants you back, make him tell you and make sure he understands what went wrong. Otherwise, it'll just be the same crap over and over.
Author daphne Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 Just, Thanks for confirming what I believed to be true. You're right. In my head I said the same thing. He's trying to put the ball in my court without lifting a finger. I know it was tough for him to come back and swallow his pride. He waved a white flag but that's all he did. I can't give in to his terms as they are unacceptable. thank you
Author daphne Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 The ex came back over and over. More flirtatious each time. Lingering while holding my hand that was meant to be a hand shake. Forgot my birthday and said he'd make it up to me next year. He's still the same person. Self centered and thinks I'll settle for the crumbs he wants to throw. Lonely and in need of attention. Totally unaware that he will never find another girl like me that will give him the time of day. My friends couldn't figure out what in the world I saw in him. I guess I don't know at this point. I thought it was connection, but how could I be so connected to someone who is only interested in what will make him happy or less uncomfortable? He couldn't care less what effect his mixed signals and attempts to string me along has on me. What pisses me off is that I have self esteem and he's still trying this crap. I'm so angry that I have even talked to him since I first saw him again 3 weeks ago. He hasn't apologized once for his stupidity. He doesn't deserve my compassion or friendship. He has done nothing to try to gain either or make up for anything. I wish I had never met him. It feels much like a scab has been ripped off and I have to heal over again. I was so close to getting over the missing phase. My life was back to normal and I was making plans and taking care of myself. In my mind, the break up was a good thing. Getting back there with all of this anger is going to be tough tho. But if it serves as a lesson to anyone that thinks they'll come out of breaking nc unscathed, think again. I'd be over it by now had I not let him back in.
bendit Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Breaking NC starts very innocently. But it usually opens the door for more and more contact that ends up hurting. Its the ole slippery slope. What happened to you is text book. You opened the door a crack and it just opened wider and wider. Good for you that you realize NC is the only way through this. Take care. regards
justagirliegirl Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Good for you for sticking to your guns with him. He is the one who has to make things right.
Author daphne Posted June 7, 2006 Author Posted June 7, 2006 Thanks for the encouragement guys. I'm so angry I can't see straight. My friends that had heard of him met him and 5 people told me in 24 hours that they couldn't see what I saw in him. He was surprised that I liked him to begin with. I was too, honestly. The fact that he's trying to jerk me around when he offers so little is insulting and it ticks me off. I'm used to boyfriends going out of their way to woo me and this one thinks I'll take whatever he can give. No more games. I don't care if he knows I'm dating or not and I don't care if I ever see him again. I may miss him later but for right now I'm happy to be rid of him. I don't plan on running into him and I'll drop his stuff off at his house before he leaves in a couple of months. When we put them on pedestals eventually we realize that who they are now isn't what we signed up for. Did we sign up for heart ache and string alongs? Half assed attempts to make themselves happy at your expense? If not, why do we accept it now? In the off chance that they'll be what we wanted but they never were to begin with? I like my odds of going out and finding what I need out there than going back to him. I always believed that most people don't change. He hasn't changed a bit. The occasional person does but it's the exception to the rule. But I'm not sticking around to see if he's eventually going to be one of them.
Author daphne Posted June 8, 2006 Author Posted June 8, 2006 Just when I knew I had finally made the right decision and that I was soooo tired of the drama, my ex told me he got me a birthday present. I'm afraid if I see him again I'll break my resolve. I can't go back under his terms. I'm not fling girl. I know if he tries to get me back with no commitment I won't go for it but the back and forth is tough. Can I please just meet one good guy who has his crap together? Is that too much to ask.
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