BUTAFLY Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Ok...I can except tbe fact that he played me, used, deceived me, probabley even when back to his friends and laughed that i was buying it all. I tried forgiving so I won't have any emotional connection to him. I tried NC and all I did was crave him. I tried acting like I didn't care and continue to talk to him as if nothing happened(but I was just fooling myself). I have been doing well for the past month or so... not thinking or reacting to him at all until resently I had a set back. Today a male coworker( someone unaware of our relationship) told me during a converstaion that Brian (MM) brags about his wife and shows the guys pictures of her. For some reason that was like a kick in my stomach. I was holding on to the thought that any man who would have two lives cant truely love his wife. how could you be engaged and plan their wedding with one woman and date and propose marriage to another woman? I thought they can't possibley have a good relationship. But it seems he does. He loves her.... is IN LOVE with HER and Its killing me that I was a joke to him all along.
Brittanyjean06 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 What a complete ass wipe to have done this to you, I to am having relapses , which is why I sometimes think it would be better to just pack everything up and leave, but I'm only 18 so that would be very hard I don't see how guys can whisper so many loving things to you, yet know what their intentions really are. Your not the only girl who was a joke to someone, but one day hopefully those people will get an understanding of what that actualy feels like. To be made of as a joke, can really screw with your head and you can be mentally damaged. You question other peoples intentions when in reality their intentions are good, It is just a cruel thing to do..Hopefully you can get past this quick, for he was a no good jerk
movinon05 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 As hurt as you are, and understandably, perhaps you should count yourself lucky to know what you now know. Perhaps it was good that you heard what he has been saying and doing. Because you're getting it from another source, rather than some hollow words from him that he doesn't really mean. Remember the hurt. Remember the pain. And let it guide you away from any compassion or love you might feel for him. You're learning a lesson the hard way. But think of all of the others here who didn't get that knowledge ahead of time. I know it sounds strange to hear, but count yourself as one of the lucky ones that you didn't get drug down into the muck and the mire. And use this to go out and get yourself a better man and a better life.
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Today a male coworker( someone unaware of our relationship) told me during a converstaion that Brian (MM) brags about his wife and shows the guys pictures of her. For some reason that was like a kick in my stomach. I was holding on to the thought that any man who would have two lives cant truely love his wife. how could you be engaged and plan their wedding with one woman and date and propose marriage to another woman? I thought they can't possibley have a good relationship. But it seems he does. He loves her.... is IN LOVE with HER and Its killing me that I was a joke to him all along This has to be a huge eye opener for you right now. As much as it hurts, take it as a GOOD sign! Now you know where things stand, and because of this, you won't allow yourself to ever get sucked in to his games again. Cry, scream, vent, do what it takes to make sure you get through this - But just know, you're free now and don't have to deal with the crap you've been served on a platter from him anymore. Take care.
aktieb0cka Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Ok...I can except tbe fact that he played me, used, deceived me, probabley even when back to his friends and laughed that i was buying it all. I tried forgiving so I won't have any emotional connection to him. I tried NC and all I did was crave him. I tried acting like I didn't care and continue to talk to him as if nothing happened(but I was just fooling myself). I have been doing well for the past month or so... not thinking or reacting to him at all until resently I had a set back. Today a male coworker( someone unaware of our relationship) told me during a converstaion that Brian (MM) brags about his wife and shows the guys pictures of her. For some reason that was like a kick in my stomach. I was holding on to the thought that any man who would have two lives cant truely love his wife. how could you be engaged and plan their wedding with one woman and date and propose marriage to another woman? I thought they can't possibley have a good relationship. But it seems he does. He loves her.... is IN LOVE with HER and Its killing me that I was a joke to him all along. He is probably doing it to save face and to make himself feel better. "Look everyone, I am a good husband!!" Meanwhile, he is a liar. He is lying to himself and others, just to make himself feel better and to get over the guilt.
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I was holding on to the thought that any man who would have two lives cant truely love his wife. how could you be engaged and plan their wedding with one woman and date and propose marriage to another woman? I thought they can't possibley have a good relationship. But it seems he does. He loves her.... is IN LOVE with HER and Its killing me that I was a joke to him all along. Hmmm... he shows people pictures of his wife, telling them how fond he is of her... awww that's so nice. Except he was with you too? You're so lucky not to have that kind of 'love' in your life. He's a creep and a liar. He doesn't 'love' her.
Author BUTAFLY Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 He is probably doing it to save face and to make himself feel better. "Look everyone, I am a good husband!!" Meanwhile, he is a liar. He is lying to himself and others, just to make himself feel better and to get over the guilt. I took comfort in looking around at work and thinking ' Boy he has everyone fooled into thinking he's this great guy'. When now all those fingers are pointing back at me saying 'No, your the fool'. Let me tell ya..that stings. But they don't know the things that I know. They see a man of God, (he's a deacon), a man willing to take a stripper out of that lifestyle and make her his wife and take responsiblity of her three kids, helps in the community, a good story teller, hollywood looks,charming... ect ect. Even the handful of aquaintances at work I confided in about the relationship take his side. They say, well he wasn't technically married yet OR guys will be guys, OR he was just sowing his oats before he got hitched. Fine I'll swallow that. but don't people understand those excuses minimize my feelings. make me feel as if I don't matter and he had some sort of right to use me because he's such a 'great guy'. I feel like worthless sh#T especially when they say "Did you see his wife.. she's hot" ok... and I'm chop liver? Yes I've seen his wife and yes she's pretty with tits and a$$ for days, body of ...well a stripper. So now I feel inadequate, like I never could have truly thought I had a chance. I find myself staring in the mirror finding flaws, hating my body, even contiplating breast implants(my B's can't compete with her DD's) . I bought bras last week with heavy padding...I NEVER DID THIS BEFORE. I HATE HIM....for f***ING with my head, for turning my truth, my reality, my selfesteem upside down. So now I don't go out anymore I lie in bed in my robe eating Icecream with images of him and his wife frolicing on the beach and it makes me ill. I think its time to seek professional help
Sami_D Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 They see a man of God, (he's a deacon), a man willing to take a stripper out of that lifestyle and make her his wife and take responsiblity of her three kids... OMFG Sorry but that made me laugh out loud. He took on a stripper with DDs as an act of charity..? How hilarious. Oh BUTAFLY... don't you go contemplating cutting up your body so you can compete with the likes of that. You're looking at this all wrong and you KNOW you are. Every single person on this site will tell you what you know in your own heart. He's not worth tuppence. YOU are. And yes... if it's making you feel so bad about yourself, get some therapy. It certainly helped me in my life. There are lots and lots of things you can do to get over this. You are starting from the right point! YOU know you're worth more than him!!!
Guest Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I have to butt in here. I am a BS, and my H did the same thing to the guys at work, show them my sexy photos, topless and full nude. He had just ended his affair, well, thats he told me. He was showing my pictures to see the reaction from the guys, to make him feel he was lucky to have me. Kind of like a reassurance that I am hot and worth having. Its so immature, but thats the brain if a man who has been in an affair. Yes, the men gooed and gawed, but again, it has nothing to do with you, the OW. He was not doing it to hurt you, but to validate his wife and his positionas a husband. Bragging rights I guess you would call them. I too am sorry you had to feel pain from another thoughtless man.
Author BUTAFLY Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 thank you guest for sharing that. I know he didn't show the pictures to hurt me or even start our relationship to hurt him. He is a selfish man who constantly needs to be valided that he is still desirable. I believe I was his target because I wasn't one of his groupies and was a challenge. Thats what hurts....It wasn't about us -it was all about him.
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