huntersixx Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I need some insight if there is anything I can do. Here's my situation. My girlfriend and I broke up right before I was to have surgery. We've been together for almost half a year and everything was going fine. She said she wasn't ready for a serious relationship and needed some space. So we were going to attempt going the friend route. I was fine with that because I know she just had her divorce finalized and probably does need some space. Anyway she still wanted to take care of me after my surgery. I had surgery on Monday and she took me to the hospital and back to her home afterwards. She had her couch pulled out for me and really took awesome care of me. All was fine and well until that evening. She decides to cuddle up with me and tell me she loves me. Needless to say I stayed at her place for a whole week and every night was like being a couple again. Hugging, kissing, I love you's ect.... She totally started us back up because I was content on trying the friend thing. She also asked me to join her on a weekend trip to meet her grandmother next month. Well, I finally go back to my house and she'd call and check on me daily, but it wasn't as romantic. This past Saturday we talked some more about meeting her grandmother and everything seemed fine. Well ,the next morning I wake up to seeing that she has deleted me from her friendlist on myspace and I had gotten an email from her saying that she was sorry but she couldn't do this anymore. She needed to be alone and wanted to quit all contact. She told me not to call, email, or stop by her house and that she'd mail me my house key. So not dumped once but twice. I dont get why she'd start things up again at her house if she still didn't want a relationship. She knew I was fine with trying to be friends. I'm very confused and hurt by it all. At least by being friends I'd be able to keep her in my life to some extent until she is ready for a relationship. She is a great woman who I really love and would do anything for and she must feel something to put me up for a whole week. I just am clueless. She emailed me and said she was sorry, that it was all her fault and to just leave her alone. My question is should I do anything. Right now I'm going to respect her and not contact her no matter how much I want to. I was wondering if maybe a few weeks from now should I contact her or maybe months. I really dont know. If two people care for one another, how can they just want to up and end something all together wit no contact? Thanks in advance to my ramblings.
Gunny376 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 1. Go back to school and learn some new rules when it comes to women! 2. Quit playing by thier rules ~ play by your own 3. There are about 6 billion people on the planet ~ half of them are women 4. Learn what works ~ and what doesn't work http://www.doubleyourdatingprogram.com/e/10000/OnBeingAMan/ In this particular case ~ she just got out of one long term relationship ~ and in effect she was feeling pretty bad about herself, her life ~ etc ~ had lost her emotional bearings and compass ~ was drifting ~ and here you came along ~ a rock for her to cling to. Now she's waffeling between hanging onto you and taking the plunge back into the troubled and frightening waters of single life. Short version ~ she's using you ~ and you're going to end up getting hurt. Quit investing all of your emotional energy into just one woman ~ until you find "the one" (and in every man's life there are three women, their mother, "tha one" and their daughter ~ all others are just ships passing thorugh your life. "Tha one" isn't necessarly the one that your going to spend the rest of your life with ~ "tha one" is the one that's going to break your heart, just about cause you to lose your mind ~ drive you to drink ~ but she'll also will be the one that wakes you up to how women really are ~ and what they're really about ~ and you'll walk away and see women the way WOMEN see women, and for how they really are ~ especialy Western women.
gfto Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 well said Gunny. The mistake you made here was getting involved with a woman who was freshly divorced. Her emotions were all over the place. A woman in that situation might seem like she's interested in you, when in fact, she isn't. I wouldn't contact her again.
GW7147 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Hey Hunter, You replied to my post a few weeks ago when I first came to LS. I don't know if you recall...My gf of 6 months did an about face on me after always pouring her heart out to me. We had just arrived home from Cancun and 4 days later, that was it. Most people that responded to my post said, I was playing with fire due to her divorce entering its final stages. She and I had 1 last email on 5/9. I sent her an encouraging email due to her having difficulties with her kids. I didn't get a response but thought I'd leave the door open for her. So, I guess it's been 2 weeks since we last had contact. I tell you one thing, this NC is kinda tough and I've had some really miserable times during the past 2 weeks (actually the past month). However, last night, I felt like somebody flipped a switch. I was at the store and realized...I treated her really well, we had great times and if she choses to walk away, I'll respect it and try to move on. I actually felt better right then and there. Needless to say, as tough as NC is, I think it works. I'm sure I'll have relapses and yeah, there are times I wish she would just call. I'm almost begining to feel as if I would feel worse if she did call and maybe if I can just continue to feel better if things stay the way they are. It is unusual that your gf would put so much effort into picking you up from the hospital, taking care of you and then calling to check on you and then turn around and do what she did. It's as confusing as my situation. Somebody posted to me saying when their gf got their divorce papers, it's like getting certified mail saying they're a failure. I don't know if that was you. Bottom line is, if I feel this lousy after spending 6 months with my ex, I would imagine she must have some raw emotions after being married 15 years and getting divorced. Maybe they both (our gf's) need to find themselves and get their heads straight. I wish I could get into my ex's head just to find out what she's thinking but, I guess the best I can do at this point is realize she needs to be on her own, I'll honor her wishes and if, in the future she decides to contct me, she would have alot of things to make clear to me before we could ever move forward in any fashion. It must be tough to have to deal with your surgery and then have to deal with all of the relationship issues. You gave me good advice when you responded to my post (it's always tough to take our own advice) and I hope you will be able to tough it out and maintain NC. I think it will be best for both of you and hopefully, she'll realize what she is giving up. Hang in there my friend!!
Author huntersixx Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 Thanks for all the input. GW7147, I must say that is rather ironic seeing how we are both new to LS. Yep, it was me passing along the divorce paper talk. I know for me it took 2.5 years before I was ready to date again. My gf dated one guy for a bit after seperating so I thought she had her rebound and she also told me that she knew her marriage was pretty much over for the past few years of it. Basically telling me that she was over it. Neither here nor there but I thought I wouldn't have to worry about fallout from it. I guess I was wrong. My problem was a while back she talked about needing some space because we were together all the time. So we did that and even broke up before my surgery to go the friend route which is where I wish we were now. I could tell she needed time because she's not sure what she wants. Putting me up at her place for a week and being all over me with attention and I love you's (which she would say first) really just started us up all over. She even told me to ask the doctor " how long before you can have sex with your girlfriend". So of course I'm thinking all is well again like an idiot. I know she is just wanting to be alone. She told me right now all she wants is time for herself and her son. I'm fine with it, I know she's not interested in anyone else because she told me that I'm the one she's supposed to be with, but the time is just not right. I just really wish we could stay in contact and continue on as friends. It's hard to care for someone and then have them just up and disappear. I dunno but LS does help with letting me vent and thanks again for the responses. It does help and I plan on sticking to the NC.
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