RichNZ Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Hey, So much going on inside my head at the moment. Just wanna know from any gals out there, the REAL reasons you have asked for no contact before. It was a very "IN LOVE" relationship. Really IN LOVE, she always talked about our long future with excitment and we had SO much fun together. Her friends(flatmates) were against it firstly because of jealousy and then age etc etc. They were horrid. It feels as though she has been brain washed, her words never sounded like hers. It is long distance. We had a few dramas but both agreed it was due to the distance. She said the spark has kinda left. She couldn't make up her mind for weeks whether or not we should break up, that was tuff. Even after we did break up, she sent texts saying she was findin it hard and missing me. She would be so upset and in tears, and she was the one breakin up with me. Now here's the weird part. I know that during our period of "should we break up" she met someone else. She is now seeing him, yes it hurts!! a week or two after we broke up she started seeing him officially. I wasn't supposed to know. She said while talkin about if we should break up, that we prob wouldn't be able to be friends?!?! The after the break up, i spoke to her on the phone and asked if she just wanted to be mates like her other ex. She said no, its different coz that was a mutual break up. I DONT UNDERSTAND. I caught her with the new boy, told her i thought it was nasty. Cooled down .......then I sent her a card saying, hey your decisions r urs and good luck with everything. As a friend, my door is always open and I'm only ever a phone call away. She said, don't contact me, it feels like ur stalking me.... do not contact me from now on. I found this really hard, shes such a lovely natured person and it hurt so much to be treated like that. WHY has she said NO CONTACT?? Is is so I don't find out about new boy, It is coz its too hard on her, Is she scared il make her change her mind, Does she not want me hurting? WHAT DO YOU RECKON?
Yamaha Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 She wants you out of her life. She thinks if she scares you with the stalking thing you will leave her alone. This is usually caused by anger on her part. She doesn't care about your feelings at this point. She told you you couldn't be friends so what is the point of staying in contact? Just leave her alone as she is through with you.
Author RichNZ Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 yeah, but why after we shared so much happiness could she possibly not want me there. To get on with the new boy??? As I said, the decision was sooo hard for her and she was upset about it. How do women, simply put on blinkers and all of a sudden be over it all and just don't want anything to do with me?
Author RichNZ Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 I simply mean, why is she closing the door completely on so much as a friendship in the future. We shared alot and both agreed that we never
Author RichNZ Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 I simply mean, why is she closing the door completely on so much as a friendship in the future. We shared alot and both agreed that we never regretted what we had and that it was wonderful. Simply lookin for an answer to her being cold and horrid. We were best friends as well as lovers. Why the strict no contact.
Gunny376 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Women are human beings. In such they can be cruel, heartless, un-ethical, immoral, just as ugly, mean-spirited, black-hearted as any man! Because women are always looking for something better ~ guess what she found him. At least in her eyes. For your own good ~ I hope she broke your heart ~ so now maybe you'll take off the rose-colored glasses and see the world and women and the other people in it for the way they really are. Now ~ you'll go into it with more experience, more knowledge, bigger, better and stronger ~ for the experience. It'll make you a better man. A stronger man. Each failed relationship ~ teaches you ~ you learn from it ~ you grow from it ~ you gain experience, knowledge ~ and "knowledge is King" It turns you from the chunk of coal that you were into the diamond that you are to be ~ it makes you the man that you need to be for when the right woman comes along ~ the more failed relationships you have ~ the better, stronger you become. Let it go, Bro! Learn from it ~ grow from it ~ move on! What on woman will abuse ~ another can certainly use!
Author RichNZ Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 Please guys, My question was, why does she not want to be friends when with her other ex's she is. What could it have been. Why the whole, wipe me from her life, especially when she used to tell me, our conection was so much more in love than any relationship she'd had. Thats what my question is. I know i have to move on, but time is a healer. Right now I just want your theories from experience. Thanks
Art_Critic Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 My question was, why does she not want to be friends when with her other ex's she is. It doesn't matter why.. what matters is that she doesn't want you to be part of her life.. Her Life = Her Choice I'm guessing here but something tells me that she knows best.. from the way you are acting from the hurt I would hazard a guess that she knows you cannot be friends with her because you have a romantic interest in her and a friend doesn't. Sorry that your hurting.. keep posting and please leave her alone right now
GB111 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Ok, so you know to move on, but you're not. Stop worrying about why she's friends with other exs. If she wants to be your friend she'll let you know. If not, she doesn't. Now, she probably doesn't want to be your friend because she still cares for you and doesn't want to. She's decided you're not for her, but she hasn't moved on yet. She wants to be completely comfortable that you are nothing but friends before she lets you back in to her life. She's not at that point in her mind yet, and she wants to get there. Who knows how long it will take? Could be a while, so your best use of time is to take care of yourself and not worry about her any more. Sorry to be so blunt, but I've been there. A woman may make up her mind, but not be completely comfortable with her decision before time has passed. Again, right now, she does not want you in her life. Let her move on. GB
Art_Critic Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 WHY has she said NO CONTACT?? Because you are not accepting that she is with someone else and you won't leave her alone Is is so I don't find out about new boy, NO It is coz its too hard on her,NO Is she scared il make her change her mind,NO Does she not want me hurting? Who Knows
Author RichNZ Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 I haven't contacted her for 1 1/2 weeks and im not going to. I would like to contact her on her birthday though, as a friend. I guess i find this hard to understand because she took so long to make the decision and was so upset even a week after she made it. At one point she broke up with me, I left and then in the morning she was beggin to try again because it didn't feel right. Thats why i find it hard to see how, all of a sudden.......... WIPE! goodbye all together. Is she thinkin of me or can girls get over these things quickly
Author RichNZ Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 In the card I sent her, i said her decisions are hers and as long as she's happy,..... and as a friend i wish her luck. I said I hate whats happened but don't hate you. I thought this would kinda sound like i have accepted she's with SOMEONE ELSE. I'm also afraid, that she means so much to me that i cant get over her in the next two minutes. All I can do when faced with her is pretend at the moment. I haven't been annoying her with phone calls or texts, I've only bin replying to hers. The only thing i did was send the card after I caught her two weeks after our break up with a guy who had been hounding her while we were together. Thats when she went horrid. I didn't do anything bad or put any pressure on. Just told ehr in the card, what i have already said.
Guest Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Too much love kills love I guess. I'd leave her alone for a few months, for now she is gonna freak out if you try contacting her. It will also give you the time to get your self estim back, if lost. If she ever goes back to you, she first needs time.
Yamaha Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 She can be friends with her exes because their relationships ended on mutual understanding, yours did not. She told you she couldn't be friends with you and you will have to accept that. I would say she still has feelings for you but she doesn't want them. Keeping you out of her life will help her heal faster and she doesn't care how you react to it. You still have romantic feelings for her and she senses that in you. It sucks but that is part of breaking up and some people can stay friends and some cannot.
daphne Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 You are in denial and negotiating with reality. You are clinging to hope that because it was a tough decision that perhaps she made it recklessly and didn't mean it. You need to move on and accept what she said. You can't read her mind. It's a common mistake people that have been dumped make. I would suggest you stick with no contact for at least 60 days. No birthdays, no exchanging stuff. Move forward. this is going to be tough but if you have any hope of reconciliation you need to do this. I'm not saying I think you have a chance though. I wouldn't look for it at this point.
Author RichNZ Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 I know. is just that its her 21st. We always talked together about what she was gonna do for it. Its like her big special day. I hate the thought that I can't even send her a birthday card. ) :
Author RichNZ Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 another really confusing thing............ 2 weeks after the break up, supposed to be having no contact. this happened several hours BEFORE i caught her with new boy. ........ she sends me a text saying "have you heard the song by james blunt 'goodbye my lover', it like what we've been through" can anyone tell me why she sent that? i listened to the song and its really sad. about missing somebody and loving somebody after a break up.
Art_Critic Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Think of it as the start of a new part of your life and the ending of an old.. at 21 people generally change directions very quickly as they learn what they want out of life.. You both are just beginning a new journey.. embrace it
catgirl1927 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 It honestly sounds to me that she's playing a little with your emotions. Not trying to hurt you, just enjoying the drama a little much. Young girls can be like that. I don't mean to belittle or minimize your pain. A heartbreak is a heartbreak at any age. But you are SO YOUNG. You will be fine, your life is barely getting ready to rev up to start. Don't waste any more time or emotion on this. Let it go.
Author RichNZ Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 she's 21, i've just turned 27. Age was never a factor to us, just a number. She got on really well with all my mates too. They loved her. Quite grown up.
catgirl1927 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 she's 21, i've just turned 27. Age was never a factor to us, just a number. She got on really well with all my mates too. They loved her. Quite grown up. That's because you guys are very close in age, why would it be a factor between you? I meant that you are really young, and so is she.
daphne Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I think it would be a big mistake at this point. Had it been several months down the road, fine. But she doesn't want you around and your card will do two things. Annoy her and push her away. You have to respect someone that says they want you out of their life. If they change their mind later, fine. But now she says go away. Respect it. Later when she doesn't hear from you at all, she'll start to wonder. Then it'll be her turn to panick. For now, don't do what you want to do. Do what works. No contact works. My ex came back after 5 weeks of no contact. I didn't hear what I wanted to hear but he'll be back around. They do miss us at some point. But you have to be strong and stop making excuses to get in contact with her.
Author RichNZ Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 yeah no, i do realise this. I think that any contact of any kind right now would make her mad. it would ruin any chance of her even wanting to see how i am. Trust me I'm not gonna contact her. I know i have to do this. What sucks is that where I live in lil ol New Zealand, aint a big place and we will run in to each other again and again, esp next year when she's living in my town full time. I just don't want it to be "oh no, quick hide" I wanna be able to wave, say hi, how you doing,.... yep i'm great. Im not gonna contact her, I just hope she does me. We did too much together just to completely wipe all that from our lives. I'm worried bout her birthday, in about 2 1/2 months though and whether i should say Happy Birthday! then???
eyeswideshut Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I felt the same way with my ex, I was so terrified every time he came back into my life. Not because I didn't love him, but the relationship we had was based on the special thing that was us, and there was no other. Now that she has a bf, I understand she can't share her happiness with you without hurting you, she can no longer be honest or herself, because that would also hurt you. It very hard to break up with a man and to maintain a relationship when he still loves you. I still love my ex. I love him more and give him more credit than any man I've ever known. We are just no longer compatible because we no longer share the same values. His possessive nature choked me, and the fact that he was so possessive made me realize he is so not the man for me. I wished he would have realized this, or even known this, but it was impossible for him to see that. He's just wired that way. He was extremely loyal. I will love him forever. If I could put into words how much it hurts me not to contact him, not to tell him when there's a beautiful sunset out my window, not to share an inside joke, I would. But I can't. Its just that when two people are no longer compatible, it hurts both parties, no matter how much love is left, it just won't work, so it hurts. Maybe she feels hurt every time she is with you because she is reminded of how s***ty it is to no longer be compatible with you. Just let her go if you really love her. It will hurt like hell, but if I could tell me ex this, I would: "I will always love you, and always hate what I've done to forsake us, but my life right now is not compatible with yours. I will always be there if you need me, for anything, except I am not the person who can help you get over me. this is why I have to stay away. When you are able to face this and get over it, I will be there, I will always be there. I will probably be having a ball with someone who understands me, but I will always love you and help you if you need a friend." Please take care. When someone really loves you, they always will. The circumstances will make it that maybe you are not going to be on the same path for awhile. I have the hope that somewhere down the line, I will meet him again, and we will understand one another again like we used to. Love can't just disappear. Being with someone else for me was just changing my situation from lots of tears and disagreements, to laughter and lightness. Hang in there, please don't feel rejected. If someone loved you once someone will love you again.
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