amsterdamgirl Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Hey everyone, Last time I posted here I got great comments, I would appriciate some down to earth advice again... Here it goes. Ive been with my boyfriend for quite some months now. Last weekend, he went to Florida, for 5 days, with his 6 single friends, a party bachelor weekend you could call it. I know these guys and I know that all they seem to do is chase women. Ofcourse they went clubbing and thats where it got a bit out of hand. He texted that he was sooo drunk, that he was out of it, etc etc, and I texted him back (a nice text) and never got a reply. The next morning he texts me that he had fallen asleep after clubbing. I went a bit mad and started asking him if he cheated, etc. You get the picture. Thing is, I love him to bits, but I just have a very hard time trusting him when he is clubbing with his single mates, drinking loads and dancing away with all these women. Now he is mad I dont trust him and wants to have a serious talk tomorrow. How do I explain to him that I am afraid he will cheat, without him getting mad at me for not trusting him? He is very angy but I just cant help myself wondering at night when he is out clubbing on a bachelorweekend party with his mates that he might do something wrong. Am I overreacting? How should I approach this TALK he wants to have about it? Were having it in less than 18 hours so Im trying to come up with a gameplan :-) Hope someone will have some imput Thanks!
MadDog Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 First off, try to relax. It's possible he didn't do anything wrong and you're coming off as the jealous girlfriend (and who wants one of those?) I'd apologize for grilling him on whether he cheated, etc. and tell him you had a momentary lapse and will try to keep it under control next time. Also tell him why you feel insecure and hopefully he'll understand. If he can't let go of how you behaved towards him or he's talking to you because he has a confession or something, then it might all be moot anyway but it's always good to have a plan on how to approach things.
Aloros Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 First off, apologize for your behavior. No one likes to be accused of cheating, especially if they didn't. It shows a lack of trust, and that leaves sour feelings. Definitely try to restrain the mad/jealous feelings. That'll just put him on defensive and he won't listen very well then. I've had these talks with my bf since he's a very physically affectionate person, and I've found that it always works best to approach things in a calm and rational manner (and I've got a temper, so it's so so hard!). Try to get him to put himself into your shoes. I mean, he just texted you that he was sooooo drunk and he was out clubbing with the women-chasing guys - it's a potentially hazardous situation. Let him know it made you uncomfortable. Set boundaries. What constitutes crossing the line? Let him know that you trust him, but ask him to, in the future, not put himself in potentially compromising situations. Let him know, at the very least, this will help your peace of mind. Hope this helps!
allina Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I don't think asking a bf "did you cheat?" after each time he is out w/ single friends is reasonable. It makes people feel like each time they want to go have fun with friends, go on a trip it will cause drama in the relationship wich causes resentment. Plus, drinking w/ single friends does not equal cheating. If the relationship is good, relax, let him have his fun, be the gf his single friends wish they had.
Recommended Posts