Confused5135 Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Who is the one person that if you were going to have an affair with, you don't. Most people would see it as disgusting, gross, unnatural, etc. It started about three years ago, stares from across the room, ones that go strait to your soul, hugs lasting to long, flirting, but nothing was ever said, nothing was ever done, I just figured that is who he is and left it at that. However, last week, he admitted to me his forbidden love to me, he asked me how I felt, luckily I had to leave and got the hell out of dodge. THe more that I thought about it, the more I realized, however sick it sounded I felt the same way too. I didn't want to admit this to him, I mean seriously, this is a HUGE thing, how could I admit that? However do to the new technology he got me through cell phone via text messages. He kept asking me how I felt and if I was weirded out. I told him I was totally weirded out and I didn't know what he wanted me to say. A lot of other things were said, but saturday, I was in my basement, as was he, he grabbed me and kissed me, not a normal kiss, a passionate, love filled, oh my god kiss. I didn't push him away, I pulled him in closer and we kissed. Oh my, did we kiss. After the kiss I knew that I had feelings for him that were not normal, feelings I had no business having. We have been texting almost every day and have stepped over the line. He kissed me again yesterday, yet again, I couldn't push him away, I pulled him in closer. Forbidden love. Today he asked me to meet him, I told him that I didn't think that would be a good idea, as I know that if we are together without anyone to catch us, we will cross the final line, and I don't know that I can do that. Neither of us are in happy marriages, haven't been for a long time. Neither of us will pull ourselves out of the marriage either. This will never end in happily ever after, but for right now, right now it feels good, right now it is nice to have someone on my side, it is nice to have someone pay attention to me, to notice me......even though it is forbidden love. I told him that I wasn't ready to cross that line and that he needed to know that before he came up here to meet me, he said it isn't about sex, it is about love and that he wants to be with me, spend time with me, as we haven't had any since he has confessed his love to me.
Chump64 Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 What do you want? Someone to tell you to go for it? Someone to tell you to stop? How old is this person, and how old are you? If you have been married for 8 years and he has been married for 31 years, isn't he old enough to be your father?
Author Confused5135 Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 I don't know what I want, I think I just wanted to get it out there, to put it in words so that maybe that I can wrap my head around this. Yes, he is 17 years older then myself.
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 You have two choices, well three actually. 1)End it now and never see him again due to the fact you're both married. Focus all that energy into FIXING your marriage and find out WHY you felt the need to let yourself BE in a place where you couldn't say NO to cheating. 2)End your marriages and go for it! 3)Have the affair, turn your spouse's life upside down, and lose all the faith, love and trust that he has had in you. Be prepared for all the consquences of your actions. Fact is, this guy TURNS YOU ON. You're in LUST, not inlove. It's pure heat, sexual-attraction. NOT LOVE. He is bringing feelings out in you that you've not felt in a long time, remember that. AGAIN - it is not LOVE, it's LUST.
Author Confused5135 Posted May 23, 2006 Author Posted May 23, 2006 You are right, I told him last night that this was done. We could never cross that line. Haven't heard from him since.
Chump64 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Be prepared for all the consquences of your actions. Amen to this. My cheating husband insists he didn't "think" about the consequences. Give me a freakin' break. You run off the side of a cliff, you die. You put a loaded gun to your head and pull the trigger, you die. Too may people know that they are playing with fire and then when caught, pull the old "I didn't think about the consequences." That's BS, I say.
makerm4me Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Hi. Just wanted to say that your post sounds like exactly what I am going through right now! I am in an unhappy marriage but will not leave and he is in an unhappy marriage and will not leave. Similar to your sit. We say we love each other and nothing more can come of it. Somtimes it is hard but for the most part it is like you said, having someone on my side and being there for me if i need him. I can't tell you to stop it or go on. I think you have to figure that out for yourself.
soconfused1 Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I also, have some ?'s. Having been in a similar experience. I am a married woman who has recently cheated. Do the feelings for the om ever go away? Esp. when you live in a small town, have mutual friends and see each other regularly. I'm trying to work on my marriage. however, if I was truely happy would I have cheated?
logan Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I do understand how you are feeling!! My situation is a little different. My situation may be morally worse. My marriage was great. You couldn't ask for a better husband. We have been married for 18 years. He is kind, loving and has never made me feel unwanted or unloved. Little over a year ago I joined a committee which was formed in our town. This committee was formed to work on town problems. I met this person who was also asked to join this committee. I was very impressed with him when I met him. I thought he was smart, nice, and always had valuable information and ideas to offer this committee. I was elected secretary and needed to use his computer and while typing correspondence during meetings he and I would talk while the others would continue on with the meeting. Our conversations were strictly casual friendly getting to know another person conversations. Through these meetings I started finding myself looking forward to talking with him. Then looking forward to seeing him. I started making sure I looked o.k. (starting thinking of what to wear when normally I wouldn't have) during a meeting we all exchanged cell phone numbers incase someone needed to contact others. One day this person called me. It started out slow, then through conversations I found out that his marriage is bad. He would like to end it but financially they are stuck. They also have a 10 year old and he is worried of him. Our conversations grew to every day then twice a day until it became 3 to 4 times a day. We joined other committees so that we could spend more time. This went on for months but neither of us said anything of the attraction that was growing. Once evening on the way home from a meeting we kissed. We have kissed and been romantic several times since, (no sex). We live only 2 blocks away from each other and we both work politically together for our town. As you can see BIG PROBLEMS!! All along my husband has only thought we were friends and committee coleagues. Until this past weekend. He overheard a conversation between us. Now he feels our friendship has crossed a line. He has no idea that we crossed other lines just that we were possibly headed that way. I know that I can not explain my behaviour. I do love my husband and I know others would argue that. This hit me so fast that i can't even explain it. A friend told me that you can have feelings for more than one person. We have agreed to distance our selves from one another. I have not talked to him and it is killing me. I went from talking to him 3 and 4 times a day everyday to nothing. I am very lost!! But I do love my husband and do not want to lose him so I am trying. I know what I have done is wrong and have no problem admitting it but it does not change the fact that I miss the other person soooo much!!! and I do not know what I will do when I will see him at the next meeting that I can not get out of going to. So as you can see if someone can find themselves becoming attracted to someone when they were happy in their marriage it can most definitely happen when a person is unhappy!!!
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