When Do You Say "I Love You"?

[starlet]

What is the time frame for people in a relationship to drop the L-bomb? (This is a personal issue for me because I have a huge trouble with saying it - not because I don't feel it but because...I just have difficulty being overly demonstrative like that and basically just having balls enough to put myself out there and say it. I hate that it usually means that then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because I don't say it because I'm a wuss, and then things go badly. Surprise!)

 

but I am curious - when or how do you all normally say ILY? How long into the relationship is it usually? Who says it first, you or your partner?

[Vertex]

I don't think you can put a time threshold on saying it. Sometimes it takes people a week before they feel love, and other times it could take years. You say it when you feel it and you just have to let them know. And yes there is some degree of risk involved, but all good things do.

[Art_Critic]

I have always told the person when I felt that I was in Love with them..

 

I have only told ( Art is counting ) 4 women that I loved them..besides my Mom

[allina]

I've had a bf tell me he loved me after a month of dating, and one after 8 months, I guess it depends. I've been with my current for 3 months, I love him, wish he'd drop the L bomb I would never say it first though, it may be silly but thats the way I am.

[starlet]

I've had a bf tell me he loved me after a month of dating, and one after 8 months, I guess it depends. I've been with my current for 3 months, I love him, wish he'd drop the L bomb I would never say it first though, it may be silly but thats the way I am.

 

I'm so conflicted on that - I do this all the time too, wait for the other person to say it first. I think this is because I am too afraid of rejection, and putting myself out there or whatever, but I do it all the time, even when I know that I should just suck it up and put it out there if it's something I truly feel. Though I don't know how I'd react (probably cry or something incredibly embarrassing like that) if I said it and then there was....nothing but silence, or something even more awkward. Is that a girl thing, I wonder?

[allina]

Is that a girl thing, I wonder?

 

I agree in part that if you feel it, just say it. I think for me it is a girl thing, maybe more so than a fear of rejection issue. It's funny because I'm far from a traditional, old fashioned girl, BUT I will not say I love you first, I will not ask a guy out or to be my bf. I just feel that it's something masculine that a man shoyuld initiate, sort of like going in for the kill. I don't think that women who do these things first are wrong in their actions, it's just not how I would do things.

[MadDog]

I'd say definately if you haven't feel the need to say it between the 6 month to 1 year mark, the relationship has stalled and it's time to reevaluate where it's headed. I think anytime less than a month or two is probably too soon (since you're likely still in the honeymoon period.)

[starlet]

I'd say definately if you haven't feel the need to say it between the 6 month to 1 year mark, the relationship has stalled and it's time to reevaluate where it's headed. I think anytime less than a month or two is probably too soon (since you're likely still in the honeymoon period.)

 

Definitely a good point. The one time I rushed into saying it (well, agreeing with the person that said it first) because I was totally on the "relationship high" at the time (i.e. there werne't like dirty socks all over my apartment it was totally like that Scrubs episode where Elliott said it without meaning it and it was all just horribly embarrassing and got extra schmoopy and weird and crazy. I still think that if I'd just been honest at that point, that whole relationship would have gone differently, but I guess the natural reaction if you hear it is to want to say it back. (So, follow up then I guess - what do people say if someone says it and you DONT want to say it back? These are the things taht I think about at work sometimes. I don't understand my brain either!)

[MadDog]

If a girl I was dating told me that and I wasn't quite there yet, I'd tell her it means a lot to me and give her a nice kiss. If she then asked me straight up if I loved her too, I'd tell her I care about her greatly and things are headed that way but it takes me a little longer to get to that level.

 

Chances are, if I'm into a girl and she loves me and is showing it, it won't be long before I end up loving her too. Most likely I'll be the first to say it in a relationship though because I don't have any hangups from previous relationships and have very little fear of being hurt. I guess I take the risk of being hurt as part of the cost of playing the game.

[Tim'sAngel]

I've only ever said "I love you" once and meant it. It was funny and sweet how it happened. In the very begining stages of our relationship, I was having to make a decision on whether to stay and pursue the relationship or move to KY w/my mom and new husband. We were on the phone one night discussing what to do, and in a moment of desperation, he blurted out "but I love you and I don't I'm scared of losing you!!" THen then phone went dead silent. I said "Um, did you just say what I thought you said" and he was like "Um, yea" I started laughing because I could tell her really didn't mean to say it, it just came out. I didn't say it back, I told him I wanted to make sure that this is what I wanted, even though I knew I was falling in love w/him. Then one day a few weeks later we were eating out at our fav restaraunt, and he was mumbling something, and I just looked him and said it. I just felt this overwhelming feeling inside and I just had to tell him right then! He broke out in a huge grin, and he just held each other.

 

I think when the moment is right, you will know. It will just spill out of your lips.

[Skeered]

you say it when you feel it without a shadow of a doubt...with my BF..he said it first and I was so relieved because I often have said it first in the past and have felt the guy said it in return just because I did. However this relationship (as I have said tons of times, sorry to bore you all) is sooooo different we both felt that instant attraction and total love for eachother..it's cool when you know that you love the other person and they love you back.

[niko1999]

Ive been with my b-friend for 10 months now, and neither of us has said it, but its not something I NEED to hear, I can tell by the way he acts, the way he looks at me, bleh bleh. But, I would still LOVE to hear it. And I am afraid to say it, bu tmaybe he is waiting to say it back to me after I say it to him first. He admited WAY back at the very beginning of our relationship, that he was a wuss in a lot of aspects(Im the one who persued HIM, and got the ball rolling). But at the same time, Im afraid to say it becuase Im afraid he wont say it back to me, especially after 10 months. But then he says other things that make me REALLY think, hmmmm.

[BeFree]

Took my Bf two year to say it, took me only a year. So you can't put a time frame on it. It will happen when it feels right.

[jerbear]

For me, there is really no time period; shortest was 6 months to longest being 2 years.

 

Usually when I say it, it means I'm close to proposing or really really want her in my future.

[whichwayisup]

You have to be OK with it. Meaning, if it's not said back to you (yet) make it NOT be a big deal...And, know that you saying I love you to him is something you wanted to say, no matter what.

 

I've said I love you and not had it said back to me at one point in my life. It does hurt, but I also knew (and still I am like this today) back then it was better for me to say it and say how I felt, than keep it inside me. (Hope that made sense!)

[radiation7740]

I will never say "I love you" to a woman ever again. I will let my actions prove whether I love her or not. Afterall actions speak louder than words.

[starlet]

Took my Bf two year to say it, took me only a year. So you can't put a time frame on it. It will happen when it feels right.

 

I like hearing stuff like that - because so many of my friends are like jumping in to relationships and then like two months in are being all "i love you" disgusting with pet names and stuff. I wonder sometimes if that's legitimate or if it's just something that people feel like you're supposed to say instead of actually thinking whether they mean it or not.

 

But mostly, I think I just fear the embarrassing "what if they don't say it back" moment, which reveals a lot more about ME than anything else, I think. I'm not one of those traditional or Rules girls who won't call boys or won't ask them out or anything...just this one thing, I get hung up over, and am all but they are supposed to say it first!! it's very strange. I like seeing everybody else's thoughts on it though. Totally providing much needed perspective!