tangledup Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I've been reading in this forum for a few weeks trying to help myself understand what has happened to me but I'm still very confused. Here's what I can tell you... please help me understand... LONG I'm married to someone who witholds from me emotionally and physically. Because of this I started to withdraw emotionally from the marriage to avoid the hurt and pain of not feeling connected. It worked but something happened that I never expected. During this time my husband asked one of his friends if they would teach me how to snowboard. My husband had tried to teach me for 3 seasons and I wasn't getting anywhere with it. Anyhow, the friend (I'll call him Blue) met us out and starting showing me what to do. I immediately got better on the mountain and really enjoyed being around Blue. I had known him for at least a couple of years and I knew there was always something different with him... but I didn't understand what it was until now. There was chemistry! I could feel it and it was strong. He's not the kind of guy I would be attracted to normally... not at all really. But I am. I found myself creating ways to be around him more and more and usually my husband was always around. It was the first time I felt good in a long time so I guess I was trying to soak it up as much as I could. I started cooking dinners and inviting a few friends over at a time so it wouldn't be obvious. I really thought Blue *knew* what I was doing. I thought I could see it in his eyes and just feel it in the air. It was so strong at times I was scared other people might "read" what was going on just by being in the same room with us. This is where I get confused. I thought he was sending me signals like I was trying to send to him. He would bring wine over when we would have our dinner parties, sometimes more than one bottle. He started taking care of my little boy around me... like feeding him and looking after him. He would linger when everyone else was gone. When we were out on the mountain and he was teaching me how to snowboard... there were sexual comments made that would make me blush. For instance... when he would tell me how to stand on the board he would say I needed to lunge like I'm giving it instead of taking it. One day we were having a drink after riding all day and there was a conservation about strip clubs... I said that my husband would never take me to one... Blue said, I'll take you to a strip club. He called me one day and asked if I would cut his hair for him. I got so nervous when the time came that I somewhat sabotaged being alone with him and ended up cutting his hair with my husband around. yada yada.... anyways, for everything I can tell you... there was always such ambivalence either way that I question if it was me the whole time. I didn't think so until recently. Blue left because he lives somewhere else for the summer and comes out to CO for the winters. Before he left I put a card in his truck that basically said thank you for teaching me and always making me laugh, can't wait to see you when you get back....blah, blah... short and sweet... but it was a secret. My husband didn't know I did this. I called Blue when he was driving home for the summer and told him to check in his glove box. Two days later he called me and said that I was awesome and he got the card... it was really sweet... he mentioned that no one else did anything for him but me and seemed happy to talk to me. I told him I would miss him and he said he would miss "us" too... told me to take good care of my little boy and that he might come back to visit in the middle of the summer. I told him to not be a stranger and we said our goodbyes. Fast forward to now... I got a cell phone thinking that maybe I could contact him and keep whatever this was going. I was too scared to call him once I got the damn thing because several weeks had gone by and I was scared. Then one day I couldn't stand it anymore and I text him. They read as follows... Me: You've been on my mind lately and I just wanted to say hello and missing you tons. Blue: Thanks for missing me. Who is this? Me: I wrote my name Blue: WHEN DID U GET A CELL? how ru and the little one? Me: a couple of weeks ago, and he's good. Thought of you the other day and had a good belly laugh over that joke (an inside joke of ours) Blue: AT LEAST I KEEP U LAUGHIN Me: Yeah, I need that from time to time, thx. Send me a mug shot... **** and that was it... he didn't respond after that**** It messed me up all day so then the next day I text him and said... Me: r u mad @ me? Blue: WHY WOULD SAY THAT Me: I just felt that way when I didn't hear back from you. Being stupid, sorry... **** and then he did it again! Nothing back!**** I was so confused and hurt... not knowing what he was thinking. All this time I was going on intuition and gut feeling... neither of us have "confirmed" what's going on... So then about 3o minutes later I text him again and said... Me: i wish i could quit you. **** AND that was that. I haven't heard anything back and it's been days now. I feel stupid and rejected. I'm questioning everything that's happened. Could it possibly be true that I've imagined all of this chemistry and energy between us? How could he leave me hanging like this??? There's so much more that would support my thought process that he was into me too but it would take all day. Please help me sort through what I'm feeling. What happened to me? What was all of this... whatever it was? I can't stop thinking about him. I wonder if he's thinking of me or if he just thinks I'm crazy or something. I feel like my emotions have been messed with big time and I can't understand how I got here...
stillafool Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I think he knows quite well what you are doing and what you want. He obviously doesn't want to mess with another man's wife. I would definitely not text him any more. I know how you feel, I want to text this MM but don't know how. How do you text someone?
corwin Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Maybe he's trying to remain a true friend to your husband. If things are so bad with your hubby that you are looking to break his heart by having an affair, I suggest you sit down and have a heart to heart with him and tell him how you're feeling neglected.
Recommended Posts