don't know what to think

[jessssss]

well, i posted last week about a problem my bf and I were having - basically i was feeling unappreciated and felt like he was choosing his computer game over me. things smoothed out after we finally had a talk about mine and his feelings. well things this weekend were great...UNTIL sunday...he ended up playing the game from 1, until supper and then his buddy came over at 9 and they played until 6am! ridiculous if you ask me. i was good about it and didn't complain or anything, i actually enjoyed having some free time to myself and got a lot of things done but i admit it did suck to not have him come to bed at all. so i get up when he is coming to bed and he is apologetic and says "don't hate me, don't be mad" i guess cause he knows that he was somewhat wrong in the whole telling me he'll be in bed soon...yeah right. anyways i get to work and he had put a note in my pocketbook it said "thanks for letting me hang out last night-it means a lot to me, it means too much to me, just like you. in that respect i am going to take some time off from the game. i love you" so what does that mean? did he finally realize the game is somewhat coming before me some nights?? how should i take this...obviously ver ywell but i don't want to get my hopes up at all...

 

anyone?

[Lishy]

I may be wrong here, but I think to get jealous over a computer game is absurd!

 

If he was playing it every night and never had any time for you then that is different - He could have gone out clubbing with his friend to 6am, at least you knew where he was!

 

Give him some space to play the stupid game if that is what he wants, just tell him you need time with him too!

 

He sounds like he cares alot about you or he would not have left you that note honey! If you dont allow him to do what he wants at times he will resent you and it will cause so many arguments! Maybe you should go out with your pals on nights he wants to play his game?

 

Men and computer games! I dont understand it but I do understand that you should let your SO persue their interests!

 

If you went out every time he played he would get the hint!

[Walk]

Sounds like he realizes you were upset last night, and he's trying to make amends for that. Like he realized he pushed the boundaries after you'd talked to him, and instead of waiting for you to get upset, he's going to try to correct it. (by laying off the game for a while)

 

Are you worried he's not going to follow through? Or that he's just saying this to appease you?

 

If he is saying this only to make you happy, then at least his intentions are good. But I wouldn't let him to follow through on this. If a person feels they have to give up something they really enjoy because their partner doesn't like it, then it can create animosity. You might just want to re-iterate that you don't want him to quit playing video games, but if he could limit it to a few hours a day instead of all day and long into the night. I think he means well by promising not to play for a while, but he might still feel like he's giving something up only because of you.

 

I'd just tell him you love him, and you know he enjoys playing, but you did feel left out the other night. And as long as he puts effort into making sure the two of you have quality time together, then you don't care if he plays. But it's when he plays all day and long into the night that you start to feel like he doesn't care about you or want to be with you.

 

I think he has good intentions, but I think it'll back fire on him. Not sure he really thought through the whole thing, or if it just popped into his head and it sounded like a good way to smooth out potential arguments over that night. Ask him why he wants to stop playing for a while, and if his answer shows it's as beneficial to him as it would be for you, then fine. But if its only for you, then it could cause more problems then it would solve.

[jessssss]

i guess i should have made myself a little clearer...he is going to continue playing but not as often as he was...i don't want him to quit playing the game i just wnat my time and i think that was what he was trying to get across. he told me he wasn't going to veg out on it like he was doing-that way we get our time together and apart.

 

when i first read it i thought that he was just trying to smooth things over and he wouldn't follow through, i'll be honest. but after he told me he was still going to play it but not as often then i understood. i just hope he doesn't get animosity on thinking he gave it up just for me and not us and then end up playing it more.

 

i definitely like him being at home as opposed to going out. it was getting out of hand, like 12 hours a day some days! but it's gotten better over last week and now he says h'es working on it.

 

i think that me and him have a lot going on in our professional lives as well as personally and fulfilling the needs we each have we need to get back into the "swing of things" like we used to be, with him having no job, my job stressing me out and keeping me super busy and my mind stimulated...his gaming is helping keep him stimulated and i do like that...he could be going out or just watching tv or sleeping all the time.

 

i went home for lunch and we had dinner plans tonight...well on my way home he called and said his mom invited us there for free food and to see hsi bro and their fam (who was just at our house all night saturday) anyways, i was let down because our plans were cancelled last night due to the game and his friend coming over and then just when i thought things were gonna be somewhat normal and calm he calls and says that she wants us to go tehre! i told him to decide and he got irritated and said i never make any decisions!! i told him i wanted to go eat but he said that that place is always there, we can't always go eat free food (true) but it's like he alerady had his mind made up and when i didn't jump right on he got mad. i don't always want to go see his mom!! sorry! it's like the poor boy has to pick fights to relase the tnesion and stress he has inside - he definitely has no money and bills are due and me and him have been fussing.

i'm in a whirlwind now...i don't wnat to go see his mom (we went last week too) i want to go out with him to dinner and just me nad him...well i want him to want that too. and i did tell him that. so it turned into a fuss and at one point he didn't want me to go with him and then i said i didn't wnat to go and i was open and honest and told him it sucked our plans were getting messed up AGAIN and then he understood but then it turned into i'm the one who always wants to go out and spend money that we don't ahve and blah blah...anyways i don't know what we're doing now. i don't even want to go ut to eat. it'll just be a waste in my opinion. but now he's going to think that's the right thing to do and we'll end up going out and it will be worse than it would have been if we just postponed it...why didn't i think about that when he asked if i wanted to go to his moms?! ugh sorry yall just venting...trying to work everything out in my head...things get awesomely good and then just plain out blah

[LisoPiso]

i know where you're coming from.. cept with my guy, it's his jobs/car!!

 

for example, he works 2 jobs, 40 hours at one (8am-4pm), and the other is kinda random but has scheduled up to 38 hours at the same time as the other, although during the evenings. by the time he gets home, it's around 11pm, and he's wiped out... straight to bed!! rinse, wash, repeat. he does this Monday - Friday, and usually works during the weekend too!!

 

this weekend was a long weekend up in canada (eh!) and he managed to get thursday - monday off at the evening job, leaving him with the entire weekend to hang out... WRONG, Saturday he spent a good 12 hours doing the suspension/brakes on his car.. and only got 1/4 done. Sunday the other front done, and today he's doing the backs.

 

we hung out after the fact of his car, but it was with his friends. finally, yesterday, couples went their seperate ways at around 11pm. we cuddled/snuggled on the couch for a bit and made kissy faces. went downstairs for a bit to bump nasties, he fell asleep and i went home.

 

ya, a guy has to love and baby his car. and he saved $300 for the installation/labour by doing the work himself. it's kinda hot that he's putting so much effort towards this. but, hello, i'm still here!! i baked you cookies and still have to ask for a kiss

 

i'm not rude or snippy with him, but i miss when we could hang out whenever and it's not such a task to get some alone time to just kinda chill out with eachother

[Walk]

i'm in a whirlwind now...i don't wnat to go see his mom (we went last week too) i want to go out with him to dinner and just me nad him.................

but now he's going to think that's the right thing to do and we'll end up going out and it will be worse than it would have been if we just postponed it...

Does he understand now why you were upset? That it was because he changed your plans without taking your feelings into consideration. If you're not sure, talk to him again about it. Just to clarify yourself, and ensure there isn't any miscommunication later. You have a valid point on why you were upset about this, but if he is left with the wrong impression then the two of you will have problems later.

 

On the one hand, sounds like he was trying to find a cheap way to "take you out". If the food is free then he won't feel indebted to you because you had to pay. That's a terrible feeling when you have no money. Makes you feel like dirt when you're SO pays and they're already stressed about money, and you feel like you've just added more to it.

 

On the other hand, he seemed to have planned this all out without finding out how you felt about it first. Not good.

 

I'd seperate the two problems right now. The time together, just him and you. And the overload of his family every week.

 

Deal with one, and then the other. Otherwise it gets to convoluted.

 

If dinner out is too expensive, switch it to breakfast or lunch on the weekends. My bf and I go out for breakfast and stay in for dinners. We get quality time together while sharing a meal out, yet costs half as much. Plus, a lot of weekends we'll head over to the flea market after breakfast, or go to the bookstore and browse and drink coffee for a while before heading home. Total cost is usually under $20 bucks. And we get to talk, and hold hands, and feel like a couple while we're walking around.

 

Something like that might break up the routine the two of you are in. This would also leave time in the evenings so if his family obligations popped up, or he had a friend over, then you wouldn't feel like he chose them over you so much.

[jessssss]

Walk, i need a pocket one of you to carry around all the time!

i think he understands partially why all of this started and can understand my reasoning but he turns it into "i was just trying to get a free, good meal for us" and that is nice and i understand...but what i don't understand why he doesn't seem to mind putting off me and him time night after night...all i know is i definitely dont' want to go to dinner after all of thsi. he'll do it just to say he caved or whatever guys say. so now how am i going to do this...how do i not go to dinner and him not get mad and he told me he'd call his mom and tell her we had plans...ugh...he's so confusing...he just got so mad at me. it's like he was mad cause i didn't want to go to his mom's-but taht wasn't my point, my point was me and him got put on hte back burner again.

i understand the dinner being expensive and me always paying for everythign and him being the man...i guess i feel like going out to eat gets him out of the house (which he rarely has done because of money) and it's just me and him. when we go to his parents it can't be just me and him, ya know. i'd love to do the breakfast thing on the weekends or have somewhere to walk around like that...somewhere to just walk around and hold hands and do that kind of thing with...but i also want him to want to...i'd like to go downtown and walk around or go to the park or something and he just doesn't want to...i can't make him. it's like he doesn't want to do stuff that costs money and he doesn't want to do stuff that is free...then i get in my head he doesn't want to do anything together. i knwo that's not the case - i just can't wait for him to get a job and have more responsibilities and get out of the damn house!!

 

i thought he would have called but i guess he's forgotten about our fight or is going to be a child and let this continue. i think i'm going to be working late tonight...or atleast make myself work late.

 

right when things start to get better...they seem to get worse...

[jessssss]

so, do yall think i should call him and ask him what our dinner plans are or work late and pick me up something?? i don't want to be the one giving in since he was the one causing the huge arguement with the negative things he said.

i feel like i'm always the one that calls after we get into a fight. he does come to me and apologize but not sure he will this time. just because he thinks it's my fault cause i can't make up my mind about where i want to go-in all actuality i wanted to go out to eat and nto to his mom's but i'm not going to tell him taht...don't want him to think i don't like his family! ugh

[jessssss]

so i think i just messed up...i just called him cause i am leaving work soon (or he thinks i'm working late) but i called to see if he needed my card so he could get the rest of the stuff we needed to finish our yard. well he said no that he was doing it tomorrow by HIMSELF...wtf...i told him right then that i wanted to help too (it's my yard too and my f***in money) and he said nah, it'll give him something to do tomorrow...wtf? find something else to do like you do every day!! i'm getting angry with him now. i shouldn't have called him but i didn't want to run off to the tanning bed and him think i'm at work and then call and need the card and i'm 30 mins away. shouldn't ahve called. so then i said fine. then he said bye...no i love you...he turns this s*** around on me every time. now it's all my fault...everything is my fault. i'm not the one who told him he ruins everything, i'm not the one who told him that i didn't want to be around him at all...i'm angry now..very angry. i'm going to go tanning and shopping and get me some dinner and then go home. i can't deal with him like this. it's my yard too and i want to help it...one reasopn is because i like it and another is because if i don't later down the road it'll be thrown in my face that he did "all the work" wtf. why is he getting to me all of a sudden? what do i do??? he gets me so worked up and nwo i'm to the point to just say forget it, me and him are done...just to get that out and hurt him...but i really don't want that...i'm screwed up yall. i'm sorry i even started out my thread. i am just so mad and hurt and everything...why can days be so wonderful and then the past 2 be so awful? i hate this. we have a house together, we have everything together including debt...ugh...i hate this .i am soooo mad

[Vertex]

Nothing is wrong with playing video games (although I do question the quality of the online versions of Final Fantasy...), but when they would rather spend time doing that than coming to bed with you, it's obviously not good. As Walk said earlier, don't say he has to give up games entirely, but rather just spend less time on them. As long as he's making time for you, it should not be an issue anymore. The fact that he wrote you that note is a good sign -- at least he is willing to compromise on the idea, which is a very good start. By the way, that FF online game costs money. How much does he/you spend maintaining the online connectivity of the game itself?

 

The way you describe him is very familiar to me. You want to go do things but he is reluctant, especially if money is involved. It seems like he doesn't wish to burden you with costs, but is doing so at the expense of having good dates. I was recently given advice that may work here -- don't ask, just do. If you have a good idea for a datethat deviates from the routine, don't ask if he's ok with it. Say "Let's go do this and this," and if he doesn't want to, say "Alright, you can stay home -- I'll go by myself" or something. Basically just find a way to get him out of the house with you to go do something enjoyable. If money is an issue for him then he should be working instead of playing the online game all the time. He can still have a job, play the game less, and still make time for you. It's all about time management here. It sounds like he just needs to reorder his priorities a little bit.

 

Maybe I misunderstood the part about the yard, but it sounds like he is just trying to do something nice for you? If you'd rather him not do it alone you could always play it chill and say it could be something for you guys to do together. I don't see a reason to get mad over him wanting to fix the yard especially if you're only anticipating having it thrown in your face later (when this has not even happened yet -- it is a speculation). But it seems like an innocent request to me and so I think you should take advantage of it!

[jessssss]

he's saying he wants to do the yard in a condescending tone, our plan was to do it together...now he wants to change that...our plan was dinner...now he doens't want to do that. he's not doing it to be nice, believe me.

 

as for the note, yes that was great. he is limiting his time (or is claiming to) from this game. as for cost, i'm not exactly sure what he is spending on it...i don't ask. he was playing for like 12 hours straight some days...tha's just pathetic if you ask me. anyway so we are spending time together a little more than normal, just since last week but now he's mad at me again. i feel like he's mad cause i didn't jump on and tgive in to going to his mom's AGAIN...i always give in, he thinsk he does but i do more than him - i dont' make a big deal about it like he does.

 

i don't know what to do. i'm tired. i'm just tired of fighting. i thought it was getting better but after lunch today, i'm almost to the point...just wahtever...

 

i'm tired of compromising and him not see it. today i told him taht and he said that i haven't tried one bit in compromising! wtf!! sure, he quit playing the game for 2 hours almost every day last week - i acknowledged it, he's trying but when i cancel my plans on friday to go hang out with him and his buddy just to play taht damn game and then saturday i spend 50 bucks for his fam to come and i supply their beer...but i'm not seen as compromising...i compromised my friday night and my bank account (to an extent) i'm just blah right now.

 

i go home in a few...well tan and shop and then home...what do i do when i get home? he's going to still be all pissy and expect me to apologize, i just know it. i know how he works. i dont' want to apologize. grrr this boy is so grrrr i love him so much - but i can't figure him out for the life of me!!

 

things would be so much better if he had a job, and about hte job, he's supposed to know if he gets the one he watns by the end of the week. yay.

[Walk]

Not that this is any consolation, but my bf told me the other day that he's the one who always comprimises and forgives first, and I had the same reaction you did. He comprimises once and its supposed to equal 3 of yours. I think that's how it works..

 

he said nah, it'll give him something to do tomorrow.....find something else to do like you do every day!!

This was in relation to the yard work, but what did he mean by this? Was he the one who said this to you? I was a little unclear who was saying what in your post. Do you know what he's talking about here?

 

Well... I'm kind of coming up blank on advice tonight. Personally, I'd tell him have it with the yard, kick back and put your feet on the coffee table for a while. It'll work off some of his anger, hopefully. Make him feel like he's the man again by actually contributing. And maybe he'll have some time to actually think about stuff instead of the mindnumbing effect of video games.

 

If he does use this against you in the future, then just remind him it was his decision. You insisted on helping, he declined.

 

Why do you think he's mad? If you were in his shoes, what would you be feeling and thinking right now? Is he feeling like he's really trying to do what's best, but can't seem to do enough to make you very happy? Or maybe he feels he's really attempting to comprimise, and doesn't feel like you see it either?

 

I'm just wondering because you know him better than anyone else, so what do you think is going on in his mind right now? Try to place yourself in his shoes for a moment and feeling and thinking that he might not be communicating very well to you.

 

I try to do that with my bf when we argue because he has a tendency to become mister independent and stop communicating very well. Usually its me coming to him saying "I think you are feeling this way, am I correct at all?" Which opens up a discussion because he feels like I'm trying to understand him, and sometimes helps me get past my anger to work on correcting the problem instead of focusing too much on the anger.

 

I can tell you from experience. A person who doesn't want their SO around, would not ask them to go with them to see their family. So, on the one hand he's inviting you in (albeit a LOT) to be a part of his family and wants you to share that with him. And when you say you don't want to, he may feel its a rejection of him and his family. Which sends the message that you don't want to be with him. If his ego is fragile right now, he's going to react strongly to that. Probably a lot stronger then he would normally. And if he feels you are unhappy with him overall in the relationship (at least right now) it might compound it.

 

On the other hand, he's breaking a deal he had with you, which was dinner alone. Without the family. I'm not sure he understands what you're trying to say to him. I think he understands you want more time with him while not playing the video game. But he may have thought that meant "Time away from video game". Not "time for with just the two of you".

 

What do you think? From where you stand, what do you think is going on in his head?

 

p.s. I'd be mad as hell too if I were you. I really wish we could just hit him upside the head and shine some light in there. Maybe he could have an epiphany then. Hang in there. Try to see it from all angles and if you're still coming up short of a reason for him to act like this, then it may be time for the "how do we divide our stuff" talk. However, I think he had good intentions with the family thing, but may have misunderstood what you had really expected from him.

[jessssss]

i think he had good intentions with the family thing, i really do. i guess part of me jumped on the concept a little harder because we did have plans (which could have been changed) and i felt like he wanted to go to his family's thing but wouldn't come out and say it and was gving me a choice- out to eat or his mom's.....like he was testing me. he knew all along he watned to g othere why couldn't he just have told me?! anyway, we're fine about taht now. i think he thinks he is trying to compromise and get away from the game and spend time with me at a very low cost...and i need to take advantage of that and i don't think it would have been such a big deal had we not had plans and had they not been cancelled the night before.

 

i got home and he was of course pissy...so i did my own thing, was mia for a while....eventually he came out to me and asked when we were going to eat...just like everything was back to normal and we didn't have that fight at lunch and he didn't say mean things to me to hurt me at lunch...i was blown away...so i kept my distance sorta and we went out...in the car he grabbed my hand and lookeda t me and said he was sorry for everything. he said he's under a lot of pressure right now and he's trying. it made me feel so good to see how sincere he was. i guess taht blow up at lunch wasn't necessarily at me just to get some things out for him.

 

as for the yard thing- he was saying in a condescending tone that he was going to do the yard, saying it in a way that he didn't wnat to do anything with me...he told me later he didn't mean that and he was just saying that cause he was mad. wtf...i just wanted to say "and how old are you?!" but i didnt.

 

we have a lot to work on together and i honestly think once he gets a job and is out of the house that things will change. i know i would be so blah if i spent the past 2 weeks with no job, no money, nothing but a video game and to feel sorry for myself. he finds out friday about the background checks and tests that were run on him to see if he gets the job he's holding out for. so far so good. i'm excited for him...but to be honest...one thing i'm not-he will be going to CA, i'm in SC, for a whole week...alone...just not the best time in our relationship that i woudl like him going so i'm going to be struggling then. BUT it may be a good time after all, give us each some time to miss each other and each some space and gegt him out of the house and give me the house to relax in. i just don't want to start the normal girlfriend worries of other girls coming on to him or drinking and letting your inhibitions go..ugh, damn it i already started...ugh. i need to tackle one thing at a time!

 

thanks again for the responses, thanks walk--you're such a great help and seem to understand me! gosh i wish i had a girlfriend around my town that i could hang out like ya! any tips on the CA thing??

[shel7580]

I know you seemed to work things about a little bit, and thats good. I was in a relationship with a guy who seems similar to your guy. He played video games non-stop, finally it caused him to lose his job and fail out of school. He was unemployed for close to 4 months. During this time he did nothing to improve his situation. He played video games non-stop. I even tried playing with him thinking, if I can't beat him, join him. Well that didn't help anything, I found the games to be terribly dull. He would play all day while I was at work and then all night till about 4 or 5 in the morning and then come crawl into bed with me. It was terrible, he refused to do anything fun. After he got a job, things didn't improve much, but I thought I loved him, so I kept trying to make it work. We would argue once a week about this, it would be good for like a day and then back to the same old ways. Finally I ended things and moved away. It was the best thing I've ever done. We were engaged and I thought to myself, is this the life I want? And the answer was heck no! So I hope you get better results with your guy, but if you're not happy and things don't get better, its best to end it and move on to someone who wants to spend time with you!

[jessssss]

i understand what your'e saying shel...i appreciate your honesty. he hasn't played but an hour today and i feel that is huge progress. maybe he wll realize that if he doesn't quit or give me me time then he will be left with nothing. no one will put up with this. it's going to take time...time to see if he really wants our relationship...only time will tell at this point.

[Walk]

Good thing your bf finally pulled his head out of his... er.. at least by apologizing for blowin' up and for trying to explain his behavior.

 

I think you two are both really stressed out, and that's going to cause more problems in a relationship. But this is the time where you get to see if the two of you have what it takes to make it work. And from what you've posted, I'd say the two of you are dealing with it far better than most. A majority would've stopped talking by now, and been throwing computers on the floor. (I heard this is common practice among couples now adays. j/k)

 

Try to remember that the situation you two are in right now won't last forever. Your bf will have a job again, you'll both be earning enough that you won't have to pinch and save on every single thing, and the two of you will be able to kick back and enjoy each others company again. It might take a couple months still, but remind yourself (and your bf) every once in a while why you two are fighting so hard to make this work. Sometimes it makes those petty arguments seem a little less traumatic if you're able to see it as a temporary problem that needs to be worked through.

 

As far as the CA thing. Is that for just a week? For the most part, a man who's content to stay at home and play video games instead of out at the bar with his friends, is probably not going to be that interested in altering his behavior while in CA. He's seems very content to be with you. Just try to focus on the actions he's done to show his love for you, and less on the "what if" aspect. If the visit is for job training purposes, he's probably going to be far to busy and exhausted to worry about bars or women at that point anyway.

 

Oh... when I started dating my bf, he went to another state for 6 weeks of training. I sent him a care package to his hotel while he was gone. Filled a box with snacky cakes (he likes those), hershey kisses, cigarettes(he smokes), and crackers and cheese to snack on. Then included a card telling him how much I missed him and how great he was.

I guess his roomy at the hotel told him I was a "keeper" and was really jealous. And my bf still mentions that care package 2 years later.

 

Maybe you could do something like that for your bf while he's there. Just to say you love him and support his dreams/goals/ambitions, and to make sure he doesnt' go to bed hungry.

 

I also made a wallet size photo of his cats so he could keep them close while he was away.

 

Just stupid stuff to remind him of home, and what he had waiting for him when he came back.

[jessssss]

i'm telling you walk, i need a pocket sized one of you to carry everywhere!! you're helping me more than you know. everything made sense.

 

it is petty arguments..if i think about some of the thigns we argue about i have to laugh but at the time they are so serious! i think also it's a phase...like you said we're stressed right now and once he gets his job and we actually have money then that'll be another phase and the stress wll be lifted.

 

he told me last night that he is going to continue to play his game and hoped that i didn't get mad but he's spending time with me in the afternoon and we watch tv together at night and then (while he's still waiting on that job) he's going to play at night. he did tell me he will be going to bed with me once work starts and won't be playign the game that much. i did ask him if he was just saying that right now and then when that time came that he'd change but he said he won't. he also told me that he understood where i was coming from and wanted to spend time with me - i told him to reverse the roles...i'm goign to have to understand what i'd be like if i loved agame so much and had my friends on there that i would want to play a lot but he had to understand how i felt...like if i was the one playing all the time and he felt like he was on the back burner...that analysis seemed to help him see it clearer. so i think we're on the right track. that's not saying things will be smoothe from now on out but i think we've found the way, just gotta keep moving forward. one more thing, i did ask him if he wanted to spend time with me and wnting something normally means people do it and he just looked me in the eye and i knew what he was goign to say. he told me he didn't wnat it to seem like he was "choosing the game" over me...that he would never do that. so that's good too.

 

as far as a care package to his hotel...tha'ts a good thought. but he's only going to be there for a week--is that too smothering?? he smokes too so i could send a pack and some of his favorite treats...but for just a week should i do that?? also another thing i had planned to do was put something in his suitcase to remind him of me and our doggies...a picture or something - just so he'll see it and feel warm. and i do need to quit focusing on the what ifs...i'm sure he'll be exhausted but i'm sure he'll go out too...i think this will be the real test for us...being away for that long, only phone conversations and him being "free" maybe each of our priorities will get in order.

 

i will prob be posting while he's in ca to keep myself sane.

[Walk]

as far as a care package to his hotel...tha'ts a good thought. but he's only going to be there for a week--is that too smothering?? he smokes too so i could send a pack and some of his favorite treats...but for just a week should i do that?? also another thing i had planned to do was put something in his suitcase to remind him of me and our doggies...a picture or something - just so he'll see it and feel warm. and i do need to quit focusing on the what ifs...i'm sure he'll be exhausted but i'm sure he'll go out too...i think this will be the real test for us...being away for that long, only phone conversations and him being "free" maybe each of our priorities will get in order.

 

i will prob be posting while he's in ca to keep myself sane.

I dont' know if it'd be "smoothering" him. If its' just something small, not a great big huge thing, then it could be seen as more a loving gesture than an intrusion. (I know smokes in CA are Extremely expensive, and when you're unfamiliar with an area it makes it harder to find the creature comforts you get used to at home.) Especially if it is something that will make his life better, or easier. Its the difference between just telling someone you love them versus showing them. If he mentions not having something or having a hard time getting it, and you send it to him, that's not smoothering in my opinion. But if you're sending him a bunch of stuff that he really couldn't care less if he had, and didn't need, then it could be smoothering.

 

Maybe he's worried about all the "opportunities" you'll have at home while he's away too? If he does go out, I'm sure his intent isn't to oogle the women, but the socialization aspect with the people he's going to have to get along with. He may have fun, but there's a purpose behind it.

 

So, now you can tell me how to get my bf to see that my school work is stressing me the hell out, and just because I'm "home" a large portion of the day doesn't mean I'm not doing anything... And how the heck do you write a legal brief? I knew I should have waited until I finished the pre-req to take this class. He's all stressed ot about his job and jumping me for stupid stuff today. Then he apologizes, but I just want to punch the wall now. I'm with you on all this... I hope my bf can get a new job soon, this arguing over little stuff really gets wearing after a while. *sigh* Too much stress!

[jessssss]

i could do a really small package...that way it isn't too big of a deal but will hopefully mean something to him.

 

just because you're home the majority of hte day doesn't mean you're not doing anything--and getting him to understand that? eww he's probably jealous he's not and the stress of his job combined with jealousy he's being bitchy and taking it out on you...then he comes to apologize and it's not that easy--atleast to me it's not. it's like my bf can decide when our fight is over and he can be lovey dovey when eh wants and apologize and try to talk...sometimes it's not "that time" yet for me! make sense?? as for writng a legal brief....you got me! you wanting to be an attorney?

 

if this makes you feel better...i went home for a second for lunch (needed to sneak a smoke in cause i don't want my boss to know, anyways) we are having some friends come into town at 3...i get home at 4...he's been there all day...i go in and he hasn't done a damn thing! it's now 130!! he hasn't made the bed, put the dirty dishes in teh dishwasher, cleaned his office where there are papers strewn around the whole floor (i'm not kidding) and i knew if i said something that he would take it the wrong way...so i didn't...i am proud of the house and i want first impressions to be good ones...i don't understand why he doesn't care. when i got home he was online making a cd!! wasn't the game, but his friend that plays online with him called while i was leaving so i'm sure he'll get drawn in, lose track of time and then not clean or straighten up a bit!! i feel like a bitch...he dusted and straightened a litle yesterday afternoon...but c'mon...how hard is it?! making the bed is sooo fast and easy and maks a world of difference..sorry got on a rant there...he's just so frustrating.

 

also since he's quit his job and came off of his anxiety/depression meds hes changing. i don't know if tha'ts me subconsciously thinking that and wanting something to blame it on or what. he goes to the dr tomorrow for his yearly blood pressure exam thing and would be his yearly anxiety meds...but he says he's not going back on them...i wonder if he did if he'd be better considering he has so much stress going on...if maybe he needs it. everytime i mention it he says that i's me that needs the meds...? i dont' know , just thought i'd get that vent out too.

 

sorry it turned out so freakin long!

[Walk]

also since he's quit his job and came off of his anxiety/depression meds hes changing. i don't know if tha'ts me subconsciously thinking that and wanting something to blame it on or what. he goes to the dr tomorrow for his yearly blood pressure exam thing and would be his yearly anxiety meds...but he says he's not going back on them...i wonder if he did if he'd be better considering he has so much stress going on...if maybe he needs it. everytime i mention it he says that i's me that needs the meds...? i dont' know , just thought i'd get that vent out too.

 

 

I had heard that just quitting your depression medication will cuase major problems. Not sure I had a full understanding of what the article said, but I do know other people who've quit their med's and turned into real A-holes. Screaming one second, calm the next. Their emotions all screwed up and seemingly over the top at the flick of a switch.

 

You might want to either dig a little on the internet for side effects of quitting those meds. Or see if your concern for him would be enough for him to talk to his dr. about it while he's there.

 

I had an ex who wouldn't clean at all. Not even dust once in a great while. Used to drive me insane. Guests would come over and I was embarressed at how disgusting the house was. Its not like I didn't clean it ever, but at the time I worked full time as a janitor, and the last thing I wanted to do was come home to clean up after someone else during my time off. I used to get so mad at him. You put all your time, energy and money into a house, you want to be proud of it, not embarressed.

[jessssss]

i'm going to look into the effects of quitting those meds...he did "wean" himself off of them, took one every other day and then slowly came off that way but still, i honestly don't think he should have came off of them. he's always been quick to snap but not this quick. he'll just start yelling sometimes and not even realize he's being such an arse....his mom got him to go to the dr last time cause he was just so anxious and depressed after his dad passed away...thsi time she sees he's snappy but he hasn't been around her much so she prob doesn't think he needs to go back on the meds. i told him to talk to het dr but we'll see...i can't make him go back on it, but if he continues the snappy things and being rude then he may have to or may have to move somewhere else...i can't take somone like that. i'm waiting until he gets his job and see how he is once his stress level is lowered. but in the meantime i will do some investigating.

 

well i went home yesterday and he had cleaned the whole house! made hthe bed, cleaned the office, put all his dishes away, even lit candles throughout so it would smell better...it looked great, i was so impressed. he can do it...him doing just that made me so happy and made me have more hope that once he gets this job he'l be back to himself (you know what i mean) it's going to take time but gosh the stresses will be almost all gone...i hope.