judy.goplin Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Please PLEASE Help..... Long story made short here....I was head over heals in love with a married man while I myself was still married two years ago and still care for this man deeply. We lived together for 18 months while we both finalized our divorces. Our home life was very good and he got on very well with my two small children. They simply love him and they do too as well as the rest of my family. He is a really great guy and got on very well. So helpful with everything and so patient and caring. We had so much in common and I really fancy him to this day. (Actually we just slept together a bit ago...ooops..I know!) Our lives together we quite ok, but our divorces took a toll on our relationship and I fell our of love with him although he loved me so much and still does to this day. His ex-wife cause a lot of problems for us and changed the way he handled things. He was not strong enough toward her and let her dictate things of the divorce. He did not stand up for himself and this turned me off a bit. All is better now, but I am no longer with him. He and his two kids still ask all the time for us to be togther and they miss me and my kids greatly. Anyway, last November I started dating a married man at work and fell in love. He has three kids and a new 6 month old baby. I ended the realtionship with the man I left my husband for in December. The man I left my husband for loves me more than anyone ever will. I know this. He is so nice, but will not leave me alone to let this run through its course with this MM. He does at times, but keeps coming back. I care for him so much because he is so much in love and I hurt him badly and am weak to push him away. He knows and works with this MM I am with and it is hard at work. My MM hates him and is so jealous.....I can not even talk to him anymore (my ex, because of it or I will loos my MM) But this other married man, I am simply mad about him and know I have found true love. I want to spend my life with him. He is all I ever wanted. He says he loves me like no other and will get a divorce and leave his wife. This has been over six months now and he said he will move in with his dad soon but is not getting a divorce yet. He and his wife want to separate for a while and see what happens. This is killing me terribly not knowing if he will ever get a divorce so we can be a proper couple. I am so stressed, worried and cry myself to sleep when he is not with me. I can not stand it. At times he is very supportive and is there for me, but not always. We have tried to break up three times now, but found ways to get back together. A few weeks ago my ex-boyfriend came over to my place and ended up making love. It was nice, but I felt so guilty and told my MM about it. He was furious and we almost broke up over it. Still, I don't know what I should do with my MM. I love him like no other, he says he does too, but at times he is so cold and will never make a date on when he will get a divorce. I don't feel he cares for me at times. He can be so cold and has a temper. He just says eventually he will get a divorce and he is supposed to move out in June. Please help me!!!!! What should I do? Will he ever get the divorce? Are his kids and baby going to stop him to leave? Will it ever work out between us?
stillhurtintoday Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 What the Hell is wrong with you? The man is married! I don't believe he will ever leave his wife. Why would he leave his wife, he's got his cake and can eat it too! Think about it...why would he leave his wife and family for someone that would break up a marriage just to satisfy her own needs & selfishness. And what would make him so certain that if he left his whole family for you, that your not gonna leave him for another married man that happens to walk into your life. I don't mean to be so harsh, but I really don't think your gonna have too many poeple, if any, feel sorry for you! I think it's time to start looking for the single men in the world.
Sup Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 What the Hell is wrong with you? The man is married! I don't believe he will ever leave his wife. Why would he leave his wife, he's got his cake and can eat it too! Think about it...why would he leave his wife and family for someone that would break up a marriage just to satisfy her own needs & selfishness. And what would make him so certain that if he left his whole family for you, that your not gonna leave him for another married man that happens to walk into your life. I don't mean to be so harsh, but I really don't think your gonna have too many poeple, if any, feel sorry for you! I think it's time to start looking for the single men in the world. Not to sound, well demeaning, but have you EVER thought about what you have done to your former husband? How much you've destroyed him and your kids. I hope your former husband can move on, and get over all the mistrust he probably has for women. I hope he can get over ALL that you have TAKEN from him too, money, child support, house, self esteem, self worth, his respect, and his kids.
Chump64 Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 He won't leave. LMAO. If he does, you will be dating a penniless man whose every cent will go to his ex wife and kids. Count on that. Even if he does leave her for you, how long until he leaves you for someone else? Quit putting your kids through this kind of asinine chaos before you damage them, if you haven't already. Figure out why you are so broken, desperate and needy. In other words, find out what's wrong with you, get some help, and grow up. Then look for a (single) man.
Guest Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I just found out my husband was having an affair. He doesn't want to leave me. I think he's still talking to her and telling her everything she wants to hear, but he's still coming home to me and trying not to get his ass kicked out. He is probably being an angel to his wife right know. You don't know her. She is likely I nice person and what you are doing to her is wrong. She obviously loves him too. She is his first choice. I know that hurts, but why would you want to be just his whore when she gets to be his wife, the mother of his children, and the woman he REALLY loves. What you're doing to yourself is self-destructive, but also your hurting others. Please go see a counselor. It sounds like a self-esteem issue to me. I empathize with you, but as a wife who knows what if feels like on the other end of the fence and a woman who has too much self confidence to be second choice, I tell you that no one is benefiting from what you are doing. Him, her, you, or their kids.
Ladyjane14 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Please go see a counselor. It sounds like a self-esteem issue to me. I'd say that's a fair assessment. I can't imagine any other reason why somebody would go around deliberately destroying other people's lives, unless they're serving some kind of inner need to continually validate themselves. I imagine it's powerfully gratifying to the ego, to use people and then toss them away as if they were nothing. She can wrap it up in the guise of True Love and make it all seem as inevitable as Fate. I bet she sleeps like a log too, because afterall... it's not her fault. How is it her responsibility if all these guys keep falling in love with her and loving her sooooo much??? :rolleyes: Good advice Guest, but I doubt the OP will take it. As long as her ego is being fed, she's still getting PAID. The ends will continue to justify the means until her circumstances change..... which is just a matter of time really. The need for constant validation is classic 'drama queen' behavior. It eventually wears people out over the course of time. It's exhausting to continually meet the ENs of someone who is emotionally ravenous and yet unable to truly reciprocate. One by one... all the 'little people' in her life will wise up and move on. Afterall, nobody wants to be a 'support player' in someone else's life experience. It minimizes their own.
BUTAFLY Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 I found this interesting..... I just found out my husband was having an affair. I think he's still talking to her and telling her everything she wants to hear she gets to be his wife, the mother of his children, and the woman he REALLY loves. If thats what REALLY loving your wife is all about then you can have it. anyway... Judy, get it together, this new married man is not going to divorce. when you got what you wanted from the first MM you lost interest. you lived with him and got to know him on a personal level then realized he is not mr. perfect that only shows his good side but a real man with flaws you could not look pasts. Now your doing it all over again with this MM. You seriously need to think where did a man in your past tell you your not good enough? When did a man make you feel unloved and unwanted? Where did you get the idea that this is acceptable behavior? To me it looks like your looking for validation from a man to prove your worthy, beautiful, and loving enough that he would turn his world upside down to be with you. If he does then you get some sort of satisfaction/validation from it. wake up and realize your better than this.
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