judy.goplin Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Please PLEASE Help..... Long story made short here....I was head over heals in love with a married man while I myself was still married two years ago and still care for this man deeply. We lived together for 18 months while we both finalized our divorces. Our home life was very good and he got on very well with my two small children as well as the rest of my family. They simply love him and they do too. Everyone does. He is a really great guy and we got on very well. So helpful with everything and so patient and caring. We had so much in common and I really fancy him to this day. (Actually we just slept together recently...ooops..I know!) Our lives together we quite ok, but our divorces took a toll on our relationship and I fell our of love with him late last summber around October 2005, although he loved me so much and still does to this day. His ex-wife cause a lot of problems for us and changed the way he handled things with her like he was trying to please both of us. But yes he did leave her straight away for me. He was not strong enough toward her and let her dictate things of the divorce. He did not stand up for himself and this turned me off quite a bit. All is better now, but I am no longer with him. He and his two kids still ask all the time for us to be togther and they miss me and my kids greatly. Anyway, last November I started dating a married man at work and fell in love. I ended the realtionship with the man I left my husband for in December. The man I left my husband for loves me more than anyone else ever will. I know this. He is so nice, but will not leave me alone to let this run through its course with this MM. He does at times, but keeps coming back. I care for him so much because he is so much in love and I hurt him badly. He knows and works with this MM I am with and it is hard at work. But this other married man, I am simply mad about him and know I have found true love. I want to spend my life with him. He says he loves me and will get a divorce and leave his wife. This has been over six months now and he said he will move out soon (maybe in June) but is not getting a divorce yet. He and his wife want to separate for a while and see what happens. They want to wait till September or October. This is killing me terribly not knowing if he will ever get a divorce so we can be a proper couple. I am so stressed, worried and cry myself to sleep when he is not with me. I can not stand it. At times he is very supportive and is there for me, but not always. We broke up three times now, twice by me, but found ways to get back together. We argue quite a lot but also have pationate moments as well. A while ago my ex-boyfriend came over to my place and ended up making love. It was wrong, and I felt so guilty and told my MM about it. He was furious and we almost broke up over it. Still, I don't know what I should do with him. I love him like no other, he says he does too, but at times is so cold and will never make a date on when he will get a divorce. I don't feel he cares for me at times. Not sure where this is going to go or if it will ever last with hime. He just says eventually he will get a divorce and he is supposed to move out next week. Please help me!!!!! What should I do? Will it last with this MM even if he leaves his wife? I gave up a man who loves me more than life for this guy at work!
Alexandra Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I'm going to be short and I really don't mean to sound judgemental but I think regardless of what you do practically you need to find out why you do this -to yourself and others- run from security, run towards the next impossible love challange over and again.
Author judy.goplin Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 Both men approached me and I was too weak to walk away both times. With the first guy, I was in a no win marriage that did not work. This man really saved me and it could have worked out if we met later after or divorces. I was really in love with him, but fell out of love for a few reasons but still do care deeply. But the second guy, I have no excuse for....it just happend and do at times feel very guilty for what I have done. However, the love I feel for this MM is something (I feel now) like I have never felt. Maybe I am in love with something I can not have, but hope to.
johnlucas Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Pathetic. John Lucas (I didn't know women in their 40's still acted like junior-high schoolgirls when it comes to guys. Oh well.)
SoleMate Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I'm not sure that you understand what love is. In what sense did you fall "out" of love with the first MM? Does he or does he not meet your most important emotional needs? Is this issue of his taking too long to leave a real one, or is it just something you are latching on to to validate your fickleness? Like Alexandra, I am very concerned that your "love" is not based on fundamental factors, like finding a man who meets your emotional needs, but rather on something that is driving you away from an acceptable relationship. Given the pattern you have established, you could start running from one soulmate to the next on a 12 month cycle! You've already had more than your fair share of luck, in that your MM left his marriage for you and wants to be faithful to you. You're tempting the fates if you turn him down for a nonsensical repeat-MM affair. Will it last with this [2nd] MM even if he leaves his wife? I don't see why. You call him cold and argumentative, and you don't feel he cares for you at times. You're not going anywhere good with this guy. Please get into individual counseling so you can learn how to manage your relationships better.
Author judy.goplin Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 I fell out of love with the first MM because his divorce took a long time and his wife took such a toll on our relationship. When he and I started to go out, he left his wife straight away for me and knew I was the one for him. He was so loving. He did meet my emotional needs and was always there. But his ex used to hound him and he did not stand up to her and I lost a bit of respect for this. Seems he always was trying to be nice to her and she took too much. I did deeply love him and still do care for him so much. He did provide security for me and was the best ever with my children. They love him still so much and ask for him. At times I really do miss him. But this other man....I feel he has it all for me....it is hard to explain the way he makes me feel...he is charming me so much and does so many little things to make me feel good. But at times, it is the opposite of this.....cold and uncaring. It could be because he is going through such a hard time at home, but he could be over exaggerating about this. I am so lost...I know I could go back with my ex-boyfriend and i know I will be loved and taken care of completely, but can not love him back until I know what will happen with this MM....I told my ex I need to let this run its course. Maybe I am wrong and should end it. I just don't know. I told my ex just to give me space and now he is doing it. I just don't love him other than caring deeply for him and I know making love to him was a mistake. I was so down and needed comfort and he felt this.....and he was there for me.
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