Tim'sAngel Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I am about to attempt the impossible!! It seems there is a huge language barrier between the male and female species that even thousands of years of evolution has not broken. Because of this barrier, dating, for most, has become quite a bit of a chore with never-ending code cracking and exhausting hours of deliberation. I, being of the female species, will admit to sugarcoating my words to soften blows when I am not interested in pursuing something further with an individual. After watching an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie's boyfriend Burger reveals to Miranda that her seemingly semi-interested date the night before was just not that into her it accured to me, how much easier would life be if people were just honest? There are alot of mixed signals going on out there between men and women. Although I no longer have to worry about the games and the treacherous decoding of words, I read alot of posts on here submitted by confused men and women desperately trying to figure out what step to take next. Should I go ahead and call her again? Should I send him another email? What is it, from your gender's point of view, that makes it so hard to tell the truth about exactly what you want? And what do you generally say to someone when you want to further the relationship or want someone to back off?
MadDog Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I don't find it difficult at all to tell a girl exactly where I'm at. If I think there's chemistry and am open to a potential relationship, I'll say, "I feel we have a good chemistry and am open to a relationship down the line." If I'm not interested in a relationship, I'd say, "I've had fun hanging out with you but I'm not interested in a relationship." It's the girls that seem to have a problem being direct and honest. Like the girl I was dating a couple weeks back. She got scared and wanted to pull out. She didn't mention anything about it though and just kept stalling but acting like she wanted to see me everytime I asked her out for our next date instead of telling me what she was thinking. She only admitted she was scared when I asked her about it in a very understanding and non-threatening way. It was a good think I asked her about it because otherwise I'd never figure out exactly what she was thinking. I'd eventually be able to conclude she wasn't interested (based on her actions and not her words) but it would have taken a while longer. Even if girls are acting confusing, you can always eventually figure out their motives through their actions.
MrDarcy Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 So you're suggesting that guys in bars and clubs should just go up to girls and say, "Hey, wanna f***?" And the girls should say; "No, I'm just here to boost my ego." Certainly would save a lot of time and money, but would it be as much fun?
Woggle Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I am brutally honest and sometimes it results in hurt feelings even though that is not my intention. I would rather a woman be honest with me because I hate the guessing game. If it isn't going anywhere just tell me so I can move on.
blind_otter Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I think on some level most of us truely are honest with the opposite sex, but the disconnect occurs somewhere between what information is uttered, and what is processed by the listener. That's why a good teacher will say the same important point several different ways, so that more people in the class will process the important point, rather than glossing it over. I think what really needs to happen is that people need to take things less personally. It's hard to do, it's so easy to take a perceived slight and blow it out of proportion, or take it to have greater significance than it really does. I think that the miscommunications come more often from overthinking everything and trying to use magical psychic powers to determine what the other person is thinking. Perhaps it's not that important, trying to divine what someone of the opposite sex is thinking. It seems like when both people relax and stop worrying so much, and trust develops, that is when relationship can blossom.
SmoochieFace Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Honesty and upfrontness rules. Anything less than that is a waste of my time. IOW... if you can't be honest and upfront with me then just keep on walkin'.
Author Tim'sAngel Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 So you're suggesting that guys in bars and clubs should just go up to girls and say, "Hey, wanna f***?" And the girls should say; "No, I'm just here to boost my ego." Certainly would save a lot of time and money, but would it be as much fun? Actually, if some of the men I met would have just been that brutally honest w/me, then it would have saved me a whole lot of wasted effort and time!! As a matter of fact, I did have a few guys tell me exactly what they wanted and I loved them for it! No women wants to make the effort of playing all her cards right just to find out she is only a f***. That isn't any fun either
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