ElectricityCity Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 This is the fourth major breakup I've gone thru with my ex now. We've been on and off for 3 years and when we last reconciled we promised we wouldn't let go of each other again. What happened? Another big fight. We were trying to get back together and he starts pressuring me - wanting sex and wanting committment. I'm still angry with him and trying to adjust to letting him back in my life after he dumped me then ignored me for 8 months. I want to take it slow - he wanted to dive in. We were out having a nice dinner and talking - having a few drinks and enjoying ourselves. But I knew that night I didn't want to have sex - I still am unsure and very leery of him. He gets mad because I don't want to go back to his house and do it, etc. calls me a bitch. I made him take me home and I got out of his car and went inside. Haven't heard a word. When he was complaining about how he hasn't gotten any from me - I reminded him I didn't get any or so much as a I miss you for 8 months after he dumped me. I'm feeling a little bitter and was hoping he wanted to reconcile for other reasons than a booty call. He thinks because he brought me roses and took me to dinner - I owed him sex. I got very upset and told him I wasn't going to be that. If he doesn't get what he wants he pulls the silent treatment and ignores me. I'm tired of being treated like this - or am I acting like a bitch (like he says)? I'm feeling more like a fool for letting him come back time after time. He's 48 - a real mature gentleman. He's never called me names before - this was a shocker.
patwheel Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Hmm...interesting. Although Im half the age of your man, I was acting the same way that he does, when I was going through my break up, which ironically was because of the same reason, I wanted commitment, she wanted to experience, and 3 yrs also, and we're also ignoring each other . Same story, 8 months, not a word, no sign of life, each of us are having our own lives and doing much better. No more drama, no more wasted time and energy over what ultimately was a lost cause. Yes, love is tough, but it should not be that tough, no games, no sulking, no fights about the same old issue over and over and over again. Would I do it again with my ex after an extended period away? Maybe. Would I give in to her attitude and wait for her? Hell no. Would that be acting like a bitch? Maybe to some people, but then again, that just means that there is still some unresolved issues out there that need to be laid out before anything happens.
dr strangelove Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Sounds like your ex would be better off, with someone who actually wants sex. I dont know how women go without it for so long and it really is annoying the circus act that you have to go through to get some as a man. And it doesnt matter how atrtactive you are or nice, or sweet, play all your cards right etc... How great you are in bed.. I long for the day when women are replaced by robots for sexual activities. It will really solve alot of problems. or a drug that completely gets rid of a mans sex drive. I used to be proud that I had a high sex drive, now I wish I didnt. I feel cursed. Like a piece of lego that doesnt fit. Are you being a bitch? Perhaps .. perhaps he questions your desire for him. But women dont ever think of things like that.. whatever back to the dildo and harlequins now I guess huh?
Author ElectricityCity Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 I should have said more in my original post. I knew the guys would respond thinking I don't WANT to have sex. Trust me - I'm dying for sex.....good sex that's worth having. He's just a dud in bed and the fact he's demanding and self centered - sorry.......I'm not putting out just to let him get his rocks off while I end up frustrated and going home to finish myself off with a vibrator and fantasies of hunky firemen. I'm sick of that - I want a real man.
GB111 Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Don't give him any. He sounds like a baby. Especially if he sucks in bed. Girls can get some any time they like. Go get someone who can satisfy you.
Whitt Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I understand why you don't want to have sex with him. For a girl sex = attachment. You know sex will bring you closer to this guy than you are ready to be. You want him to earn back your trust before you go around handing out your affection. Stay strong, but discuss it with him. Tell him why you can't have sex with him and be clear about how he can hope to get it eventually.
daphne Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 Wow, it's amazing how guys can read their situations into things that don't appear very similar. I only know one side of the story, but I don't think there's anything wrong with you starting off slowly after he dumped you and ignored you for 8 months. He is being a selfish bastard placing expectations on you. I don't know what prompted him to call you a bitch (did you yell at him?) , regardless it sounds like he doesn't respect you. I personally wouldn't see a guy again that treated me like that. I'd rather be alone than subjected to bulls***.
dr strangelove Posted May 23, 2006 Posted May 23, 2006 I should have said more in my original post. I knew the guys would respond thinking I don't WANT to have sex. Trust me - I'm dying for sex.....good sex that's worth having. He's just a dud in bed and the fact he's demanding and self centered - sorry.......I'm not putting out just to let him get his rocks off while I end up frustrated and going home to finish myself off with a vibrator and fantasies of hunky firemen. I'm sick of that - I want a real man. My post at the time was based upon, being ticked off at women. Some men are very good in bed, and yet they go horny...(lol ) poor sex starved creatures they are. Capable of... um.. lets just say I know this one guy who can pleasure a woman without even touching her.. I think I might start a foundation, its as good a charity as any other. I hate to say at but at that age hes not likely to get any better in bed... im really sorry.
Author ElectricityCity Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 He called me a bitch out of sexual frustration I guess - and he had several drinks and just assumed that since he brought me roses and took me out for a fancy dinner he'd get lucky in return. But he dumped me and was gone for 8 months. I had just gotten over him then he reappeared (isn't this always the case?). We agreed to be friends and then it got out of hand. At dinner we both had a few cocktails and you know when that happens suddenly past resentments come flying out of your mouth and things turn ugly. He thought he'd get me loopy and take me back to his place. I was a little loop but I was also smart enough not to give in easily - so he got pissed. Men don't get it. Men have sex and it can be detached and purely physical. Women have to have their minds stimulated and yes guys it does take some effort for us to get turned on and get off during sex. Most men are just too selfish and lazy to please women so no wonder we're all reluctant to have sex - half the time we don't get any pleasure out of it!!!!!!! Very few men truly know how to please women - that's why so many fake it - just to get it over with. Sad but true.
Author ElectricityCity Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 Dr. Strangelove - Yes men are horny - I totally agree with you there - but, unless they are good in bed what good does it do us? I'd much rather have a man look at me for a while - that probably would get me off - it would be such a refreshing change from a horny humping rabbit approach.
dr strangelove Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Hey electric-city I want to go off on a tangent but it make me seem like I have an egotrip.. Perhaps my talents will pan out later as my ex runs into the same problem as you have with current beaus. For her, the shop is always open for that kind of bussiness.. ahem cough cough (jeeez dont I feel like a $2 whore..sigh) I would wish I could help you other further with this problem, too bad you dont have private messaging. There is an article I just saw on netscapes home page "how to make him better in bed" its under pop culture. In my opinion though I dont think will help out much. I should think its not that difficult to find a man, who performs abit above average if you screen potential new lovers.
JustWantToBeHappy Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 If he's bad in bed, why would you bother? BTW, and this is for the guys out there that think that it's never THEM we are talking about... We rarely tell you if you are not good at it. Sorry
daphne Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 I don't think I ever read the part about him sucking in bed. That reinforces his selfish attitude. Why do you want him back? Most guys don't suck in bed. Either that, or I've just been very very very lucky. Or the men you date are older than those I date. Younger guys seem to know where things are and how to make a woman orgasm. Regardless, it's easy to teach a willing guy how to. If he's not, he's not relationship material. That being said, I think my ex thought that because he was the best at a certain thing (and I thought I had seen it all) that I wouldn't leave. Did I want to leave that behind? Hell no. But will I put up with nonsense? Hell no.
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