How do I get over it? And is he really worth it?

[mare01]

If anyone can help or willing to listen? I have known R my whole life. We met up 25 years ago and had sex once. I didn't see him for 25 years after that. I am married with 3 children. No real problems in our marriage other than the usual..money etc. He married once for 4 years right out of high school had one child and never remarried. He lives alone. 50 years old and still smokes and deals pot. He has a "girlfriend" who also lives alone. She is 50 and has never married or had children. They decided to get married 3 years ago but they both bailed. They live in seperate houses. She is extremely jealous and possesive. When I met up with R he was sex deprived and for the duration of our affair he told me all of her faults and how he didn't love her anymore. We completely hit it off. We met secretly for several months. In that time I grew to love his 2 grandaughters who we spent alot of time with. I risked all I had to be with him. He is the complete opposite of my husband. Not very attractive and my husband looks like he walked out of a Abercrombie Fitch ad. But he is very serious and somewhat of a workaholic. Hence I started to fall for R. One weekend I was spending time with him and his grandaughters when his ex (at the time) came over and decided she wanted him back. And he went running. Literally leaving me in the dust. With all of my wounds to heal. Not only did I lose him as my friend I cheated on my husband for him. Which I will have to live with the rest of my life.

I know all of the answers here...my question is why am I pining away over someone like this? My husband adores me and we have a happy life together really. R was so funny and fun and the excitement of getting together with him was thrilling. After he left me for his narcissitic ex. By the way why do people love narcissitic people??? I tried to be friends with him but it didn't work. He said that she was too jealous and he didn't want any trouble. So I told him I wasn't going to call him again ever and I haven't. But I still think of him all the time and how foolish I was to get myself in this position in the first place. I'm doing all the right things. Working out, furthering my education..I even applied for a new job. But the ache is still there. And despite all of the hurt he caused me. I still care about him. What is wrong with me???

[GB111]

Nothing's wrong with you. Look at all the other posts on this site. Ironic that although you have committed adultery, you have a great person to go home to. Most people on this site who have done nothing wrong have nobody to fall back on.