Vertex Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Rant... I am tired of people mistreating each other. I'm sick of dishonesty and I hate it when people deny obvious truths. I am jealous when I see so many wonderful girls hooking up with these worthless idiots who offer nothing in return. I am jealous that I can't focus on only myself and use someone without regard for feelings. I am upset that I cannot find the right girl... they all seem to be taken. The ones I end up with mistreat me and then leave to go chase after some guy who won't give them the time of day but will sure as hell f*** them. I try to see the good in people but lately I'm just so tired. People seem to continually focus on insignificant negatives and completely ignore the positives they take for granted. It upsets me that so many lack foresight. It upsets me that the smallest things seem so impossible to surmount by many people. I am tired of being told I am irrational for coming to certain conclusions when those conclusions are consistently proven to be true. I'm sick of always being right -- I don't care if it sounds arrogant. I hate seeing signs in people that they themselves do not see until much later after pain has been drawn out. I feel continually disappointed because it seems like people continually pick the WRONG choice over the RIGHT choice. I am fortunate for what I have and what I can do, but at the same time I feel like I have been dealt a s***-storm in the cards. I've dealt with so much death, money issues, school obstacles, and bad relationships and I am just so tired of continually being hit with so much stress and heartache. I am sick of being told by everyone how intelligent and sweet and caring and fun I am when I can't find anyone in a relationship who seems to agree with this... I can't be in a mutually-appreciative relationship. Every girl I've been with says "I am perfect" and yet somehow they always drift away and treat me so badly. I want the right girl! I want someone who doesn't play games and lies! I want someone who knows how to love and enjoy passion... someone intelligent and sexually open. I'm sick of having so many one-sided relationships and I am losing faith in people.
Yamaha Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 1. What are you looking for in a girl? 2. Are you picking the same type of gal and passing over the ones that might be the type you need? 3. You sound serious and many young women are not looking for a serious guy. If you want a serious girl you need to concentrate on looking for one who wants a serious relationship. If she is just wants to date around then move to the next girl. Do not think they will change over time ( they may but it will take years ) and don't get emotionally involved in someone not right for you.
Diver012 Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 I used to get all bent up, well, im bent right now cause I screwed up and broke a promise to myself I made a long time ago, but ill get to that in a minute.... About 7 years ago I was flirting with this girl I really really liked. We were kissing, hanging out, talking about getting together. Well after one night at teh bar she invites me back to her house. We get there and start kissing in teh hallway. Then Wham! She says "I cant do this" I was devestated. I went home feeling rejected and confused. I had JUST gotten over a similar situation that really crushed me too. Now here i was back in teh same place I was before. This scenario had happened to me over and over. After a couple of weeks of feeling like s***, I woke up one morning and basically got sick and tired, of being sick and tired. I didn't give a s*** anymore. Screw her, if she dont want teh goods someone else will, and im not wasting my time on crap I cant change. My mood improved. MY attitude was healthier. I just dropped the matter entirely. About a month or so later she comes crawling back. Wants to go out on the town, wants to spend the night at my house... We get back to my place, and I suddenly realized something. I truely had no interest in this woman. There she was ready to go, and I didnt even want to touch it. She was the one that night that left confused and dejected. The promise I made to myself that night was I would never let somone get to me that wasn't worthy of me in the first place. No thanks! TO much wasted energy. I also stopped trying to meet that perfect someone. I just wanted to hang out and have fun. If a girl wasnt interested, so what, not my problem. Women like men who are in charge of their emotions.. I broke that promise as I said earlier with my last Ex. I thought we were in love, I thought she was the one. I ignored all teh warning sighns, showering me with gifts, complaints that I was pushing her away at times. Hearing that she was crying about that to everyone but me... I didnt realize that the woman I let get to me, wasnt in charge of her emotions. Now shes gone and I am trying to pick up the pieces as quickly as I can. I refuse to let ANY woman keep me down for to long. They aint worth it brother. Just be your self and go with the flow...
MadDog Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 I want the right girl! I want someone who doesn't play games and lies! I want someone who knows how to love and enjoy passion... someone intelligent and sexually open. Join the club bro. I think this calls for a song for your situation: Diana Ross & The Surpremes "I need love, love To ease my mind I need to find, find someone to call mine But mama said You cant hurry love No, you just have to wait She said love dont come easy Its a game of give and take You cant hurry love No, you just have to wait You got to trust, give it time No matter how long it takes But how many heartaches Must I stand before I find a love To let me live again Right now the only thing That keeps me hangin on When I feel my strength, yeah Its almost gone I remember mama said: You cant hurry love No, you just have to wait She said love dont come easy Its a game of give and take How long must I wait How much more can I take Before loneliness will cause my heart Heart to break? No I cant bear to live my life alone I grow impatient for a love to call my own But when I feel that i, I cant go on These precious words keeps me hangin on I remember mama said: You cant hurry love No, you just have to wait She said love dont come easy Its a game of give and take You cant hurry love No, you just have to wait She said trust, give it time No matter how long it takes No, love, love, dont come easy But I keep on waiting Anticipating for that soft voice To talk to me at night For some tender arms To hold me tight I keep waiting I keep on waiting But it aint easy It aint easy But mama said: You cant hurry love No, you just have to wait She said to trust, give it time No matter how long it takes You cant hurry love No, you just have to wait She said love dont come easy Its a game of give and take"
Vega Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Rant... I am tired of people mistreating each other. I'm sick of dishonesty and I hate it when people deny obvious truths. I am jealous when I see so many wonderful girls hooking up with these worthless idiots who offer nothing in return. I am jealous that I can't focus on only myself and use someone without regard for feelings. I am upset that I cannot find the right girl... they all seem to be taken. The ones I end up with mistreat me and then leave to go chase after some guy who won't give them the time of day but will sure as hell f*** them. I try to see the good in people but lately I'm just so tired. People seem to continually focus on insignificant negatives and completely ignore the positives they take for granted. It upsets me that so many lack foresight. It upsets me that the smallest things seem so impossible to surmount by many people. I am tired of being told I am irrational for coming to certain conclusions when those conclusions are consistently proven to be true. I'm sick of always being right -- I don't care if it sounds arrogant. I hate seeing signs in people that they themselves do not see until much later after pain has been drawn out. I feel continually disappointed because it seems like people continually pick the WRONG choice over the RIGHT choice. I am fortunate for what I have and what I can do, but at the same time I feel like I have been dealt a s***-storm in the cards. I've dealt with so much death, money issues, school obstacles, and bad relationships and I am just so tired of continually being hit with so much stress and heartache. I am sick of being told by everyone how intelligent and sweet and caring and fun I am when I can't find anyone in a relationship who seems to agree with this... I can't be in a mutually-appreciative relationship. Every girl I've been with says "I am perfect" and yet somehow they always drift away and treat me so badly. I want the right girl! I want someone who doesn't play games and lies! I want someone who knows how to love and enjoy passion... someone intelligent and sexually open. I'm sick of having so many one-sided relationships and I am losing faith in people. I feel your pain. Its the same in romantic relationships and professional relationships. Its almost impossible to trust anyone. I hope you don't fall into the same path as me. Instead of staying true to my own feelings, I've collapsed under the constant emotional beatings and now I just feel like hurting back and laughing at other's misfortunes. It seems so easy for some people - to have great relationships, great jobs, great friends, etc. If you give your heart to someone, your fidelity, your trust - they will eventually crush it. It seems the options are to crush first or don't give. Life sucks, huh? Being on the outside and always looking in it would seem we 'outside' people could get together and support each other -- but we don't trust each other either! After a while saying "I don't care" goes from a self-preservation mantra to the literal truth. Caring and compassion dies. I think its easier this way.
fourfingers Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Well, at the risk of sounding very harsh... you sound 'boring' :-) No don't take this as a poke, or an insult. There is just something about a lot of guys that makes them act "boring" around girls ESPECIALLY if they are genuinely interested in them. Try to think about how you are around your gf's, how much fun do you have together... What are your dates like? Your heart, should never be "given" lightly to anyone. Keep it to yourself, let people see it when they open up to you as well, but don't just let them have it. Make them earn it. I know that you desire to "give' your heart away, but you shouldn't, ever... Always make people earn it! About general happiness and success. Realize, there are two kinds of people who enjoy success... The ones who've earned it, and the ones who got lucky. Many times the ones who seem lucky are actually the ones who've earned it every step of the way. More often than not, the lucky ones are the least happy because they never earned the experience along with the success. So basically, the best way to be successful is to earn it, and fortunately, hard work and dedication is available to everyone ;-).
Outcast Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 You can't allow yourself to succumb to this. You're under stress and that can make the world look bleak but there are beautiful moments in every day, kind people, and love to be had. If all you focus on is the bad, the bad will come your way. Understand that your feelings are caused by your situation. Then take very good care of yourself, including finding comedy where you can - things to laugh at. Be sure you get exercise and sleep. Talk to your family and friends. Treat yourself well. And do not allow yourself to see the world as a dark hole of bleakness because if you do, you permit yourself to believe a lie.
Vega Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Hard work and dedication don't mean diddly in a world that is one big popularity contest. I've seen enough people chased off this website because their opinions and attitudes and problems don't mesh with the current social structure of the site. People only help others as far as it's comfortable for them to do so. When they get tired of helping they ignore people or start bashing them and the person leaves, or they bash from the get-go. That's just normal human behavior though. We are a disposable society.
jerbear Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Even the political chats get really personal sometimes. Hardwork works great when the company is yours, does not when it is someone elses. It is true, it is not what you know, it is who you know. I've bumped into so many people that my ex at one point got jealous because it was her contacts bosses. Oh well...
Pyro Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Rant... I am tired of people mistreating each other. I'm sick of dishonesty and I hate it when people deny obvious truths. I am jealous when I see so many wonderful girls hooking up with these worthless idiots who offer nothing in return. I am jealous that I can't focus on only myself and use someone without regard for feelings. I am upset that I cannot find the right girl... they all seem to be taken. The ones I end up with mistreat me and then leave to go chase after some guy who won't give them the time of day but will sure as hell f*** them. I try to see the good in people but lately I'm just so tired. People seem to continually focus on insignificant negatives and completely ignore the positives they take for granted. It upsets me that so many lack foresight. It upsets me that the smallest things seem so impossible to surmount by many people. I want the right girl! I want someone who doesn't play games and lies! I want someone who knows how to love and enjoy passion... someone intelligent and sexually open. I'm sick of having so many one-sided relationships and I am losing faith in people. I am just laughing because you sound just like I did a few years ago. There is alot of bad in this world and it will continuously be around. You really can't do much except stay away from the bad as best you can. I have lost friends over the years and have avoided people just because of who they were and what they did. You need to just concentrate on yourself. Recognize the good that is in you. Be thankful for what you have and don't take it for granted. Finding the right girl usually takes time, so no need to get upset about it, just have some patience.
Dagny Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I've been reading some of your posts for awhile, just being a lurker and all. And my honest opinion is maybe you need to chill and go with the flow. I know its difficult when things are bad but your posts sound negative and whiney, which is not attractive and draining to other people. An alternative method might be to accept that its really hard to define someone's behavior and perception, and to accept that sometimes life deals us a down period and we have to work at it. Its so easy to write people and life off without understanding their complexities. Sometimes people also have to learn on their own what choices they make. It takes a wrong choice for them to learn to make the right one later. You can't dictate it for them, and recognize its a learning process for them too. I was vividly reminded of differences in perception while having a conversation with my friend today. He was viewing a problem from a totally different perspective than me which was distasteful for me, but yet his view made total sense from his own perception. And when I put myself in his shoes i could understand it though I did not have to accept it. Good luck
Author Vertex Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 fourfingers: My last date used to accuse us of being boring and routine but I felt it was HER that was routine and just blaming it on me. I'd always want to take her out either dancing, eating, parties, concerts, campus events, downtown, etc. I'd always try to get her to do new things with me but she'd always want to do whatever she wanted to do -- which was usually the same thing every time. She was very stubborn and made me feel like every time I'd try to be spontaneous or surprise her, she would not go with the flow. As for "luck" I feel like I've had to work for every achievement I have. My parents did not go to college and never helped me with my schooling or funding (and still don't fund my college tuition), and I managed to do pretty well for myself so far. But the girls I end up with all end up s***ty at the end. Dagny and Riddler: Yes, I know I sound negative but you must realize I've been trying to be positive for a long time now. I've had a lot of bad things happen but I've gotten through them only because I was being positive. The rest of my family looked at the negatives and went into a huge recession, so to speak, and never progressed in any way. But after death and family and school and money issues at this age (I am about to turn 20), coupled with loneliness and bad luck with girls, it's just so draining.
Sand&Water Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 You're not the only one, Vertex. There are many people, out there in the world, struggling to get by the day. There are people, who can't go to school. There are also people, who can't get a girl due to disability issues. And, then there are people who don't live to see themselves grown to the age of 25. I'm not trying to be harsh on you. But I think you should see with your eyes where you stand in this world. I've gone through a lot of struggles, and painful moments in my life. Moments much more agonizing, and disturbing than you, and many other citizens. I'm trying to do the same, and move on gracefully. So, look on the bright side. You'll live on, and find yourself a nice girl in due time. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Woggle Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Date an older woman. My generation and the ones younger than I am are just lost and that goes for both genders. I can't even relate to people my age. Also maybe you are looking in the wrong places. If you are having bad luck maybe you need a change of venue.
fourfingers Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Ok some comments... Hard work and dedication don't mean diddly in a world that is one big popularity contest. I've seen enough people chased off this website because their opinions and attitudes and problems don't mesh with the current social structure of the site. People only help others as far as it's comfortable for them to do so. When they get tired of helping they ignore people or start bashing them and the person leaves, or they bash from the get-go. That's just normal human behavior though. We are a disposable society. I'm sorry but this is just bitter crap... Many a times the world we perceive to be "reality" is only the world we've created in our heads with many or not so many actual relations to reality... Why is my world so different from yours? Now look, about people who conflict with others; This is often a mixture of character traits and flaws that lead to these things. I have experienced being the focus of negative attention in the past. It was hard to admit but it was because of my OWN behavior and not others. That doesn't mean i used to be "different" and have now resolved myself to "blend in" for acceptance. No, i am still different from the crowds most of the time, but now i am perfectly happy with that, and confident about that. However, you are right about people skills being important. This is relative to the field you work in of course. Generally your boss gives a promotion to the most capable guy he LIKES. So make him like you ;-). Sometimes in life it's necessary to charm someone who we do not truly "like" in order to gain benefits in life. I don't think there is anything wrong with this. It is simply a countermeasure to unfair treatment (such as being passed up while you worked hardest just cause you didn't get to know the man in charge). The good news is.. communication skills and charm are skills that you can learn, just like anything else. To be perfectly honest, they are very usefull skills and i think anyone with ambition should have them! Even the political chats get really personal sometimes. Hardwork works great when the company is yours, does not when it is someone elses. It is true, it is not what you know, it is who you know. I've bumped into so many people that my ex at one point got jealous because it was her contacts bosses. Oh well... Well i'm not sure about this, but the way i see it there is only one way to grow without limitation or to gain the full benefits of your efforts. That is to be in business for yourself. The way i see it, if you are an employee you are leverage and so the most of your energy goes towards making the company or rather it's shareholders rich... and not yourself. Now of course not everyone is an entrepreneur and some people just like the comfort of a career as an employee. That's perfectly fine, but very limiting. fourfingers: My last date used to accuse us of being boring and routine but I felt it was HER that was routine and just blaming it on me. I'd always want to take her out either dancing, eating, parties, concerts, campus events, downtown, etc. I'd always try to get her to do new things with me but she'd always want to do whatever she wanted to do -- which was usually the same thing every time. She was very stubborn and made me feel like every time I'd try to be spontaneous or surprise her, she would not go with the flow. As for "luck" I feel like I've had to work for every achievement I have. My parents did not go to college and never helped me with my schooling or funding (and still don't fund my college tuition), and I managed to do pretty well for myself so far. But the girls I end up with all end up s***ty at the end. I think i've found out what your problem is... you are the type of guy who tries to "make things work". Don't be that type! Don't settle for what you have and pass up what you want. So, she didn't like your date ideas and made you go to some boring crap instead? You should not have agreed to that at all! Here is what i would have said if she told me she wanted to do the boring crap instead: "ok well, you have fun then, i'm going dancing/to the concert". If you want to avoid negotiation from the get go, then simply do not "ask" for dates. Tell her you are going here or there and invite her along... There isn't much room for negotiation here, and if she suggests something else then you can still decide whether it sounds like something you want to do or not. Just remember, you have NO reason to do something against your will. The fact that a girl is there who might be somewhat interested in you is NOT a good reason. Boring dates make you look boring.. even if there was simply nothing to do on that date. She expects YOU to make things fun. The problem is you are only human and can do only so much. There for, make things easier for yourself! Don't agree to boring dates and furthermore, don't get involved at all with boring people who are unwilling to make compromises ;-). As for the luck part. Great for you. I can tell you have a lot of potential because you are willing to do what has to be done to get what you want.
SmoochieFace Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Date an older woman. My generation and the ones younger than I am are just lost and that goes for both genders. I can't even relate to people my age. Also maybe you are looking in the wrong places. If you are having bad luck maybe you need a change of venue. Best advice in this thread so far... And as far as the one who mentioned *boring*... perhaps some guys see that the *party party party drink drink drink dance dance dance* lifestyle is *boring*.
jerbear Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Date an older woman. My generation and the ones younger than I am are just lost and that goes for both genders. I can't even relate to people my age. Also maybe you are looking in the wrong places. If you are having bad luck maybe you need a change of venue. Best advice in this thread so far... And as far as the one who mentioned *boring*... perhaps some guys see that the *party party party drink drink drink dance dance dance* lifestyle is *boring*. Agreed with older woman and yes some of the same older women do consider the drink party drink dance every weekend boring. Some of the older ones near you are not nearby. Maybe try Center City after 5pm during happy hours. Why not join one of the groups you are interested in, do your own thing, invite her along but still go instead of drink party drink dance. Once in awhile it is ok to compromise to a point you are really bored and boring.
fourfingers Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Best advice in this thread so far... And as far as the one who mentioned *boring*... perhaps some guys see that the *party party party drink drink drink dance dance dance* lifestyle is *boring*. That is just prejudice. You are assuming that is what i am and telling Vertex to be. While parties are a part of life, they don't need to define your life. If you think that parties, drinking and dancing are the ultimate form of fun then you are indeed boring :-) Also, dating older women is not good advice. Not because it may not produce the results Vertex is looking for (a more commitment orientated woman), but because it's basically saying "hey, just pack your bags with problems and move to a new town". That won't work, you are just shifting the problem from one focus to another. The grass is always greener on the other side.... but it rarely, if ever, truly is.
SmoochieFace Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 That is just prejudice. You are assuming that is what i am and telling Vertex to be. While parties are a part of life, they don't need to define your life. If you think that parties, drinking and dancing are the ultimate form of fun then you are indeed boring :-) Also, dating older women is not good advice. Not because it may not produce the results Vertex is looking for (a more commitment orientated woman), but because it's basically saying "hey, just pack your bags with problems and move to a new town". That won't work, you are just shifting the problem from one focus to another. The grass is always greener on the other side.... but it rarely, if ever, truly is. Dating an older woman is working for me. Seems to be working for Wog as well. So... you are being *prejudicial* against older women, no? Sometimes *moving to a new town* can be the best move one makes... especially if the *pickins* in the *new town* are better. Most young people these days are *lost*, as Wog has said, and trying to have an intelligent conversation that doesn't involve today's crappy music or teevee shows with most young people can be a huge challenge.
ronnieromance Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Vertex, I've found solice in some really basic principles. One of them is that longing for something creates a sort of negative vibration about you and ostensibly keeps what you want at bay. There is a concept in the 7 universal, or spiritual laws. It is that nature abhors a vaccum. In other words, you can't draw into fruition what you want until you make room for it in your life. This may lead you to think that since you don't have the relationship you want, that constitutes said vaccum. It goes deeper than that; You need to find happiness in being single, or be relegated to the same types of games. Find happiness and contentment in yourself, and you will likely find the type of people who complement you. In the mean time Vertex, why don't you try something like webdate. It's a great way to mingle with no pressure...And that is often the best way to find a good match. -R-
Author Vertex Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 I think i've found out what your problem is... you are the type of guy who tries to "make things work". Don't be that type! Don't settle for what you have and pass up what you want. So, she didn't like your date ideas and made you go to some boring crap instead? You should not have agreed to that at all! Yes I have always been an advocate of "making things work" in relationships... but the girl was upsetting because I felt like unless I had plans for a three-ring circus every weekend, she would become this depressed girlfriend who felt that life was just so boring. Even if we just spent time chilling out, snuggling, watching a movie, etc, she'd complain later that it was too boring of a weekend for her. I think you are right about the asking-aspect: I'd usually ask her how something sounded to her and she'd always reply with "Ehhh... maybe later" or something similar. The only times I've been able to surprise her were those instances where I did things without her consent. Perhaps instead of "Would you like to--" it should be "Tonight there's a thing going on, let's go to it!" jerbear: Don't get me wrong, sometimes I do find the party/dance/drink scene boring if you do it too much -- it isn't my primary focus when I decide a date or anything. But it's hard to deny that it's pretty damn awesome if you're with the right girl in the right place. Most of my dates did not involve a lot of partying, but my concern was that no matter what date I chose, it was not satisfactory to my exgf. Even if I'd ask her what she wanted to do, she'd have no idea, leaving all the decisions up to me. It's like she was unhappy doing just about anything after the fact and it drove me nuts. I'd envy the couples who told me that they usually just watch movies together and snuggle... seems "routine" but a lot of people do this and are just fine with this sort of arrangement coupled with the occasional date... a lot more low-maintainance than my relationship was. I got tired of working my ass off to make things work when nothing worked at all. ronnieromance: Good advice -- thanks for the insight! As for older women... it seems like this would not guarantee you'd find someone who didn't want to get into random hookups or casual encounters. Perhaps the ratio is smaller, but not definite. Admittedly though I've never dated an older woman. But the idea of finding someone who is more mature is very appealing.
fourfingers Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 So... you are being *prejudicial* against older women, no? Not actually it is you who is being "prejudicial" against younger women :-). I clearly stated that the woman vertex was looking for could be found in an older woman, but also said it could be found in a younger woman aswell. But in the end i do not really understand this general desire of young men to be in a "committed relationship". You know, there is plenty of time for all that. If you are a family type of guy then you can still be a family type of guy when you are 30 and spend your 20's focusing on your career and building financial security for yourself (and later, your family). To be perfectly frank. I think this desire of young men to be in a committed relationship at an early age is mostly driven by insecurity and neediness. On the other hand, if sex drive is your only motive then i have to say there are much easier and less stressing ways to get laid than trying to make it work with some girl who doesn't really 'like' you anyways... Either way, if you found a person you love in a woman who is your senior there is really NOTHING wrong with that. I was merely objecting to you binding her qualities to her age or generation and your generalisations about the younger generations.
SmoochieFace Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Not actually it is you who is being "prejudicial" against younger women :-). Yeah, that's right. I guess, since I'm 37, that I should be schmoozin it up with those dippy-assed twentysomethings, huh? And for the record... most *young* women ARE dippy. I see and hear loads of them during my commute to and from the job. I even see and hear some in the office. Who's hot on teevee, what *cool* new music is out now, who's getting married, who's getting taken to the cleaners, who's f***ing who, blah blah blah. And the way they talk... *puke*. Ya know... it's really quite old and dull. I clearly stated that the woman vertex was looking for could be found in an older woman, but also said it could be found in a younger woman aswell. Possibly, but by the time he actually finds one he will be old.
fourfingers Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Yes I have always been an advocate of "making things work" in relationships... but the girl was upsetting because I felt like unless I had plans for a three-ring circus every weekend, she would become this depressed girlfriend who felt that life was just so boring. Even if we just spent time chilling out, snuggling, watching a movie, etc, she'd complain later that it was too boring of a weekend for her. I think you are right about the asking-aspect: I'd usually ask her how something sounded to her and she'd always reply with "Ehhh... maybe later" or something similar. The only times I've been able to surprise her were those instances where I did things without her consent. Perhaps instead of "Would you like to--" it should be "Tonight there's a thing going on, let's go to it!" To be honest with you she sounds like a total dud . But nevertheless it's much easier for a girl if you simply do not ask and simply make a suggestion and leave no room for any negotiation. Although i'm not saying leave NO room for negotiation. Basically always assume to be expected to make the decision... if a girl objects it means she wants something else ;-). I had a LTR like this once. I would always ask "what do you want to do?" and she would reply "what do you want to do?". Should we go there, what do you think? I don't know, what do you think? It was ANNOYING as hell. Until i just told myself, now i'm just going to start making decision on the fly, whether it's the right one or not. So i did and things were A LOT simpler after that. In fact dating in general has been much simpler since! As it seems a lot of women don't really know what they want, and rather have you make decisions. Though complaining afterwards is something i would describe as "nagging".
Author Vertex Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 But in the end i do not really understand this general desire of young men to be in a "committed relationship". You know, there is plenty of time for all that. If you are a family type of guy then you can still be a family type of guy when you are 30 and spend your 20's focusing on your career and building financial security for yourself (and later, your family). To be perfectly frank. I think this desire of young men to be in a committed relationship at an early age is mostly driven by insecurity and neediness. On the other hand, if sex drive is your only motive then i have to say there are much easier and less stressing ways to get laid than trying to make it work with some girl who doesn't really 'like' you anyways... Perhaps I can explain my reasoning then... maybe it will elucidate things, hopefully. I want to be in a committed relationship at this age because the idea of casual dating and random hookups seem superficial to me. I don't like the idea of "just having fun" fully knowing that at some point you will have to break from them. It seems like there is a much stronger friendship in a committed relationship. I like the idea of having someone you know everything about -- someone who you can depend on and trust and have fun with. It isn't like passion and lust disappear in such relationships either -- you can still be as naughty if not moreso than in a random hookup! I mean it seems like most of it revolves around the idea of having a really good friend -- when you look at your close, long-term friends, you probably see them very fondly. You've had a history together and know each other much more deeply than you would if they were just short-term friendships. I like being the object of someone's desires... there's nothing better than the feeling of being in love with someone you admire greatly. I would not say any of this derives from an insecurity or neediness. If I wanted to get into random hookups I probably could, but I don't see what I'd get from them.
Recommended Posts