separation divorce and big crush

[id415]

i need help sorting through things out. am filing for divorce. H moved 2 wekks ago.. Marriage has been bad for a long time. I have never strayed during 12 years. Now that we are separated I have given in to becoming more open to an office crush.

 

The office crush is 10 years younger than me. attentive. we trade books, music. he talks some about old relationships. never says out right that he is interested in relationship with me. does not have a gf. he did ask my advice about dating a year or so ago when no one knew my marriage was bad.

 

why does a guy treat me so special, but not call or email? am thinking because i'm not divorced yet? or because not really interested. some guys just do flirt thing. maybe that is what it is. but he seems to put energy into bringing things he thinks may interest me.

 

would a guy bring books for me to read just to be nice? he made me a tape a couple weeks ago. he seriously flirts. the books and music are not romantic. but i pick up on some vibe that he likes me, always w/me at work. but we never go to lunch. never out to coffee. ...no calls. but he seeks me out when he has a free time.

 

i think i'm impatient because i feel like my marriage has been over for years. the rest of the world has only learned this recently.

 

a couple times he says he is lonely. is this flirting? is this a hint?

 

it's heartbreaking to realize marriage failed. but it was awful and beyond hope and am ready to move on.

 

crush is exhilerating. but i think i may be headed for heartbreak there too. sometimes i wonder if he's just being nice. is this just the kind of guy he is? sometimes i wonder this will be unrequited. i think i can shift gears to enjoy beautifull friendshiip. but it feels like could be something special. but then wonder may i have been so out of having any attention paid to me that i am just reading it all wrong. maybe it doesnt mean anything at all? but then sometimes it feels like he is specifically cultivating a warm reltionship methodically. slowly.

 

i am too impatient and i know this so i don't wan to come right ouit with, but i am sure he knows i have fallen, i return compliments. other men at office are interested in my attention but leave as soon as he is there.

 

can someone help me unravel this? any advice?

[lovelorcet]

You were with someone for a long time and of course it feels good to have the attention. Here is my take on it.

 

You are 10 years older, you were (are) married, and you work together. He may very well like you but he is being careful and you should be too.

 

Having said that if this is something that really interest you and you have thought about the possible complications then do something about it.

 

Ask him out for coffee or go book shopping together or something. Do something like that on a platonic level a few times and see where it takes you.

 

Maybe he could just be a friend, maybe a fling or maybe more but don’t worry about all that now, enjoy the coffee and wait and see.

[id415]

husband and i r going 2 try again. We r moving back 2 Portland. We always liked it there and now r excited to try again. it wasn't so sad about the crush. now i have a clean slate and a 2nd honey moom. My h has bought me a beautiful watch and is talking about maybe even getting a boat. we were going to get one a few years ago but then we started to worry about money but now that the money is okay he says it's worth it.