X-Wife, Kids then...Me (Attn: midori)

[Lyndsay]

Midori, thanks from the bottom of my heart for your advice. You hit the nail right on the head with every comment you made. You described him and his actions to a "T". I always told him that his actions and his words were always two different things, so that he did not have to take any responsibility either way. When you say he has no courage, HE would have to make things work, those are all things I told him and he would blame it on the fact that he is adopted. He said no one wanted him from day one so why should anyone want him now. I told him I would help him look for his parents which would be some closure to a hurtful situation for him and maybe answer some of his questions, his response would be well I am not sure I want to meet them. This would require talking responsibility for his happiness, so he "runs" the other way. He would "always" start a sentence with one thought and finsh the same sentence with the exact opposit thought. It was so hard for me, he confused the heck out of me. Once again your words were right, everyone around him suffered because of his actions. You can not help someone be happy if they don't want to be, you can show them the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is up to them to walk the walk. You were so right he blames everything on everybody else, takes no responsibility for his own actions, but still wants everyone to think he's a "good" guy. He takes the "good" guy thing to heart too, if someone doesn't like him it bugs him, that's why I think that he will call me again, he doesn't want me to think bad of him. You really helped me put things into prespective. It sure does not change the hurt and the amount of love that is there, but I understand his "type" better and I now know that "I" can't fix "HIM". The best thing I can do for him is just what I did let him go and make no contact. There is a part of me though that hopes he thinks of "us", the talks, the hand -n- hand walks, the looks, all the the things he says he never had in his life - all of the time, I hope it's always on his mind. A person like him may be able to run from most things, but feeling are something you just don't control!! Thanks Again for taking the time to write, today is the first day in a long time I have smiled!