MadDog Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Soooo...having sex with him last night was OK then? Of course. You didn't know last night that you'd be alive today, right?
Pyro Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Yes, after this weekend...if he calls me tonight it will start to feel like he's serious about me, too. I mean, talk is cheap, actions mean everything. I just think that our relationship is relatively new. I can't let my guard down right out the gate, no matter how incredible our connection is. My walls will come down over time with him. Brick by brick if it has to. I just hope he's willing to stick around. If he really cares about me, he'll stick around right, or am I asking too much of him? Like MD said, being "mr. save your GF" is no fun. I just want him to be, "mr. you are worth the wait" Thanks, Riddler. No problem. You had me at hello as well.
Author luvtoto Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 Of course. You didn't know last night that you'd be alive today, right? Exactly, MadDog. Some of the things he told me last night, just melted my defenses. I AM only human! He told me that he just feels as though we've known each other for a long time already. We just seem to have that connection with each other. That's what made it ok. He has two children, and so do I...so, the few hours we had alone together last night, we decided to jump at the chance. I just need to let my past issues go. Like, Fourfingers said..he shouldn't have to pay for my past BF's mistakes.
jerbear Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Hey Luvtoto, Got to this thread late. I agree with MD about being Mr. Stick around because she is worth it. is not fair to him and he should not have to pay for someone's prior mistakes. Now you have your concerns because you are human and don't want to fall for it again. Plus this is a new relationship. Give it a few more dates or weeks to let the rosy honeymoon period glasses unfog themselves. Good luck
Author luvtoto Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 Hey Luvtoto, Got to this thread late. I agree with MD about being Mr. Stick around because she is worth it. is not fair to him and he should not have to pay for someone's prior mistakes. Now you have your concerns because you are human and don't want to fall for it again. Plus this is a new relationship. Give it a few more dates or weeks to let the rosy honeymoon period glasses unfog themselves. Good luck Thanks. Well, I think I'll take it easier on him next time, Jerbear. I told him tonight when he called that I care about him, I like it when he calls, that I had a good time last night, and I am glad he called today. Just so he knows how I feel. No games.
Sevenmack Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I'm in a similar situation myself with the woman I'm dating. She's got all these insecurities because of a previous bad relationship. While I've been patient and doing the whole reassuring her that I'm not looking for more than just taking it one day at a time, she constantly brings it up, wondering if I'm looking for more of a commitment than she's willing to give. I know it's annoying for me -- I ended up telling her last night to not bring it up again for another two months because I've told her that I'm tired of having the same old conversation -- unfair to me because I shouldn't spend any of my time dealing with her doubts, and selfish because she's all consumed with herself instead of thinking about how all this is affecting me. I can imagine your man also feels the same. The job of the other person in a relationship isn't to allay all your insecurities, but to be your lover; it's your own job to allay your own insecurities and resolve the effects of past relationships gone awry. Constantly putting your insecurities upon him is just selfish. The "take me as I am" attitude only works if you're willing to do the same. And you're not: You're constantly doubting his sincerity. Your relationship won't last until you set aside the doubts and take him as he is. And you won't have a relationship worth a damn until you get the head together.
Author luvtoto Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 I'm in a similar situation myself with the woman I'm dating. She's got all these insecurities because of a previous bad relationship. While I've been patient and doing the whole reassuring her that I'm not looking for more than just taking it one day at a time, she constantly brings it up, wondering if I'm looking for more of a commitment than she's willing to give. I know it's annoying for me -- I ended up telling her last night to not bring it up again for another two months because I've told her that I'm tired of having the same old conversation -- unfair to me because I shouldn't spend any of my time dealing with her doubts, and selfish because she's all consumed with herself instead of thinking about how all this is affecting me. I can imagine your man also feels the same. The job of the other person in a relationship isn't to allay all your insecurities, but to be your lover; it's your own job to allay your own insecurities and resolve the effects of past relationships gone awry. Constantly putting your insecurities upon him is just selfish. The "take me as I am" attitude only works if you're willing to do the same. And you're not: You're constantly doubting his sincerity. Your relationship won't last until you set aside the doubts and take him as he is. And you won't have a relationship worth a damn until you get the head together. Dang, sevenmack, you sound like you've had enough of your girl. Don't make me pay for her mistakes. I only brought up my insecurities once with him so far...any other time, I am fine. I AM dealing with my problems without him getting too involved, I'm on LS talking about it ain't I? I know what it is that I have to do. Just by him calling me last night showed me he is dedicated to us. I can't see myself still telling him I can't trust him. All he's done is show me he can be.
fourfingers Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 By the way, Fourfingers...welcome to LS! Thanks! Good to hear he called. Enjoy your time together and don't do anything i wouldn't do! (last part = bad advice ;-) )
Author luvtoto Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 Enjoy your time together and don't do anything i wouldn't do! (last part = bad advice ;-) ) Well, he has a bit of a wild side...so, I can't make any guarantees. He says I need to let my hair down more.
Stunner Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 I am dating a man 7 years my junior. He's adorable too and matches what you are describing in your post about your gentleman friend. I have reached a point in my life where I am happy with who I am on every level and content to be alone. Then I met him. I think that my confidence is what he was attracted to and if my guy saw me insecure it would be over. We've had long discussions about how relationships should work. That both people should have happiness and activities exclusive of one another in order to compliment each other's lives not fill in a gap or diminish a problem. The only time I felt insecure...but didn't let on about it...was the first time we were naked with each other. I have four kids but am lucky to have been blessed with good genes. LOL I'm still a size 5 and have a great figure....his comment on this was, "Wow, no wonder you are comfortable being naked...YUM!" I no longer worry about it. He accepts me the way I am, scars and all. Your guy seems the same way. While compliments are wonderful, the rest has to come from within and it seems like you are on the right track with counseling. Relying on him to be your only source of confidence is setting yourself up to accept poor behavior later, IMO. Hey, I know this from experience...Keep up the counseling and enjoy this sweet man!
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