luvtoto Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 I'm dating a 26 yr old man. I'm 38, but according to him, I don't look it. Anyways, my problem is, is that I am starting to feel like I'm dating out-of-my-league. He kinda knows I feel this way. I can't help it! He is very good looking. He rides a ninja motorcycle. He's SEXY as hell! Gorgeous brown eyes, great conversationalist..... But, me...I'm f*ing it up, I feel. Last night, we rode his motorcycle out to the lake, very romantic setting, stars were out, we were alone,.....and I just felt insecure the whole time. I am sooo pissed at myself right now. The whole time, I felt like, 'dang, he's a alot out of your league! Are we for real here? What could he possibly see in me?' The bad thing is that I actually said that to him. I said, "You could have anybody! Why me?" He looked puzzled. Then just complimented me, and said he would help me with my self-esteem issues. We would work on it together. Basically, melted my heart. We get along great. Have looong, in-depth conversations. He likes my children. He is very fun. He is very attractive (basically, my wildest dreams are coming true). He adores me. He is very open. He wants to be exclusive with me. Makes me feel special. WHY CAN'T I MAKE MYSELF FEEL WORTHY???? :( :( I'm gonna mess up a very good thing, and have regrets. My insecurities are unattractive. Has anyone else felt this way? Or is it just me?
MadDog Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 He says he'll help you with your self-esteem issues but that's impossible. He can be supportive but when it comes to being a secure person, you can only help yourself through introspection and experience. Even then, it's going to be really difficult but I think if you are determined to get over it, you'll be able to (although it won't be easy.) I wish you luck though. Insecurity was the bane of my last relationship and I was really into her.
Author luvtoto Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 He says he'll help you with your self-esteem issues but that's impossible. He can be supportive but when it comes to being a secure person, you can only help yourself through introspection and experience. Even then, it's going to be really difficult but I think if you are determined to get over it, you'll be able to (although it won't be easy.) I wish you luck though. Insecurity was the bane of my last relationship and I was really into her. Maddog, you are right. He can't improve my self-esteem for me. But, feeling that way about myself is so engraved in my existance. I've tried counseling spent many years alone facing my demons. However, nothing is helping me. This is just me. I thought I broke the cycle, but obviously I've made very little progress. It almost feels uncomfortable to me to have this wonderful man treat me so good. 30% of me can see why he's so attracted to with me. Other 70% doesn't have a clue. I just spent most of the night putting myself down around him. He exudes confidence, and I think I just made an ass out of myself. Maddog, I will check your history to read up on your story. Did you post about it? I haven't been as regular on LS lately as I usually am. We'll see if he calls back tonight. If he doesn't, I won't blame him.
BeFree Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Girl, what are you talkin about. You know you are a catch. OK actually, I felt this way about a guy once. Could not for the life of me figure out why he was single and what he saw in me. Then about three months into it, he started walking around his house naked, always fondling himself, called my dog sexy and informed me he was born with a mild form of autism. Right about then I realized that everyone has issues and NO ONE is perfect. So instead of thinking "why would this guy like me." Start thinking "why wouldn't this guy like me." I bet he has some major fawl that has not surfaced. But it will. BTW, I met my BF right after this guy and I have always felt we were the perfect match for eachother.
MadDog Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 It almost feels uncomfortable to me to have this wonderful man treat me so good. I think that says it all right there. Instead of being happy when things are going well, you're almost expecting things to go to hell--as if you don't deserve to be happy. Try to remember that there's no reason why you can't be happy any more than the next person. You should try to focus on what's good about you. Maddog, I will check your history to read up on your story. Did you post about it? I haven't been as regular on LS lately as I usually am. We'll see if he calls back tonight. If he doesn't, I won't blame him. What story are you referring to? The girl I was dating? The short of it is, she got scared cause things were going well. She felt herself getting emotionally attached and she's not ready for a relationship right now. I guess she's not too dissimilar from you in that way except I think for her, it's not as much insecurity with herself as it is past relationship issues. Bad relationship experiences really do a number on some people, don't they? I've had my share but I never felt like it's left any permanent mark on me. It probably has to do with the type of personality you have, how sensitive you are, etc.
Author luvtoto Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 I think that says it all right there. Instead of being happy when things are going well, you're almost expecting things to go to hell--as if you don't deserve to be happy. Try to remember that there's no reason why you can't be happy any more than the next person. You should try to focus on what's good about you. What story are you referring to? The girl I was dating? The short of it is, she got scared cause things were going well. She felt herself getting emotionally attached and she's not ready for a relationship right now. I guess she's not too dissimilar from you in that way except I think for her, it's not as much insecurity with herself as it is past relationship issues. Bad relationship experiences really do a number on some people, don't they? I've had my share but I never felt like it's left any permanent mark on me. It probably has to do with the type of personality you have, how sensitive you are, etc. Maddog, thanks for sharing your story. Did your feelings change for this woman after you found out how insecure she was? Is it really unattractive to be insecure?
Author luvtoto Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 OK actually, I felt this way about a guy once. Could not for the life of me figure out why he was single and what he saw in me. Then about three months into it, he started walking around his house naked, always fondling himself, called my dog sexy and informed me he was born with a mild form of autism. That is hilarious, Befree!
BeFree Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 That is hilarious, Befree! Just remember that next time you think you are not good enough for this guy. He could be calling toto sexy in no time.
MadDog Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Maddog, thanks for sharing your story. Did your feelings change for this woman after you found out how insecure she was? Is it really unattractive to be insecure? Well, my feelings didn't really change for her except I obviously withdrew myself from her emotionally when I realized she wasn't ready to take it further. If she changes her mind down the line and wants to continue where we left off, I'd be open to it assuming I wasn't involved with someone else at the time. In her case, I don't think she's insecure with herself as much as she is scared of getting emotionally involved because she got screwed over in past relationships. I realize it's a subtle difference but it's an important distinction because I think it'd be easier for her to eventually put those issues behind her than to get over self-esteem issues if she were to have them. To contrast, if I realized she had self-esteem issues and was insecure, then yeah, she'd become much less attractive to me. I've been through the whole "support your insecure girlfriend" scenario and I don't want to go through it again. I mean, it sucks to be a good boyfriend and still be given a hard time about random stuff just because your girlfriend has insecurities, you know what I mean? If it's anything I look for in a girl nowadays, it's confidence and independence. But don't worry, not every guy has the same view as me on this and just because you're insecure doesn't mean your boyfriend will automatically ditch you. It sounds like he willing to stick it out and take his chances with you. I wish you guys luck.
BeFree Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Oh, Luv, Haveyou read that book "why men love bitches"?? It has alot of info about how men love confident women and how many women are with men they consider "out of their league" but their confidence makes them SOOOO attractive.
Author luvtoto Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 Oh, Luv, Haveyou read that book "why men love bitches"?? It has alot of info about how men love confident women and how many women are with men they consider "out of their league" but their confidence makes them SOOOO attractive. Befree, I did read that book. It was alright. Kinda pushed game playing a bit. The thing is, I'm not a jealous person in the least, nor am I clingy. If anything, I am overly independent. I am sure that's what attracted him to me in the first place. I am not insecure in the least if he doesn't call me all the time. He actually showed insecurities to me earlier in the week that I wasn't calling him enough. I just can't figure him out. He has lots to be cocky about, but he just isn't. He is really quite a modest guy and very easy going. What would make a guy like this be so down-to-earth? It's really causing some trust issues with me. Isn't that just crazy???
Pyro Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 I'm dating a 26 yr old man. I'm 38, but according to him, I don't look it. Anyways, my problem is, is that I am starting to feel like I'm dating out-of-my-league. He kinda knows I feel this way. I can't help it! He is very good looking. He rides a ninja motorcycle. He's SEXY as hell! Gorgeous brown eyes, great conversationalist..... But, me...I'm f*ing it up, I feel. Last night, we rode his motorcycle out to the lake, very romantic setting, stars were out, we were alone,.....and I just felt insecure the whole time. I am sooo pissed at myself right now. The whole time, I felt like, 'dang, he's a alot out of your league! Are we for real here? What could he possibly see in me?' The bad thing is that I actually said that to him. I said, "You could have anybody! Why me?" He looked puzzled. Then just complimented me, and said he would help me with my self-esteem issues. We would work on it together. Basically, melted my heart. We get along great. Have looong, in-depth conversations. He likes my children. He is very fun. He is very attractive (basically, my wildest dreams are coming true). He adores me. He is very open. He wants to be exclusive with me. Makes me feel special. WHY CAN'T I MAKE MYSELF FEEL WORTHY???? :( :( I'm gonna mess up a very good thing, and have regrets. My insecurities are unattractive. Has anyone else felt this way? Or is it just me? This guy is crazy for you. Do you think that he would be putting all this effort into you if he wasn't intersted?
Author luvtoto Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 Well, my feelings didn't really change for her except I obviously withdrew myself from her emotionally when I realized she wasn't ready to take it further. If she changes her mind down the line and wants to continue where we left off, I'd be open to it assuming I wasn't involved with someone else at the time. Hmmm. Interesting. In her case, I don't think she's insecure with herself as much as she is scared of getting emotionally involved because she got screwed over in past relationships. I realize it's a subtle difference but it's an important distinction because I think it'd be easier for her to eventually put those issues behind her than to get over self-esteem issues if she were to have them. I think you are on to something here. You are right, it is subtle. I can see myself putting these feelings behind me. I just don't want to fall in love with such an awesome guy and wind up getting hurt. I kind of told him that, but he said that life's too short to feel that way. I mean, if this was the last day of the rest of my life, would I still be scared? To contrast, if I realized she had self-esteem issues and was insecure, then yeah, she'd become much less attractive to me. I've been through the whole "support your insecure girlfriend" scenario and I don't want to go through it again. I mean, it sucks to be a good boyfriend and still be given a hard time about random stuff just because your girlfriend has insecurities, you know what I mean? If it's anything I look for in a girl nowadays, it's confidence and independence. Ya know, I am very happy with my life. I am a very content person. I am proud of myself for many reasons. Now, after reading you post, maybe it's not a self-esteem issues, just a trust issue. Subtle, yet distinctive. I am not jealous, nor am I clingy, I don't mind being alone...so that means I am secure. I am independent, also. I just don't want to be hurt like I have been in the past. Maybe, by revealing my insecurities to him last night, I was trying to keep him at a safe distance from me, but deep inside, I really want him to stick around. But don't worry, not every guy has the same view as me on this and just because you're insecure doesn't mean your boyfriend will automatically ditch you. It sounds like he willing to stick it out and take his chances with you. I wish you guys luck. Well, I would rather show a bad side of me in the beginning, and then find out if he still wants to stick around. I would hate to be little miss perfect in his eyes...then, later on have him ditch me when the honeymoon phase is over, and I am completely in love with him (even though I know that could still happen..actually that's what happened to me in my last relationship). So, basically, I am just testing him now.
Author luvtoto Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 This guy is crazy for you. Do you think that he would be putting all this effort into you if he wasn't intersted? You sound just like him, Riddler. He said the same thing to me last night.
Pyro Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 You sound just like him, Riddler. He said the same thing to me last night. He almost sounds like me, except I am not 26, I have green eyes, and I don't have a ninja motorcycle. So if things don't work out with the two of you...... J/K. Just loosen up and enjoy his company. Don't read into things so much.
Author luvtoto Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 Just loosen up and enjoy his company. Don't read into things so much. Omg...this is weird. He said that to me too! After a person gets burned really bad, it's hard to just give yourself so freely. Eventhough...I wanted to so much. I just hope he knows just how much I like him. I kept him at a distance last night....BUT, that was because I can see myself falling for him...so easily. Maybe, I already have, and am freakin' scared to death. I don't think he's used to women keeping him at a distance. By the way, just remember, Riddler, you had me at hello!
Pyro Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Omg...this is weird. He said that to me too! After a person gets burned really bad, it's hard to just give yourself so freely. Eventhough...I wanted to so much. I just hope he knows just how much I like him. I kept him at a distance last night....BUT, that was because I can see myself falling for him...so easily. Maybe, I already have, and am freakin' scared to death. I don't think he's used to women keeping him at a distance. By the way, just remember, Riddler, you had me at hello! Maybe I know who he is and he's telling me all of this....... I know. Its hard to let a guard down that you put up as a result of someone else. Just keep your ears and eyes open, always be alert for anything that may be suspicious, but it sounds like he is a keeper. Don't let him suffer from the insecurities that you had from someone else. I think that if you are willing to continue seeing him, then I am sure that he knows how you feel about him.
Author luvtoto Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 I think that if you are willing to continue seeing him, then I am sure that he knows how you feel about him. Yes, after this weekend...if he calls me tonight it will start to feel like he's serious about me, too. I mean, talk is cheap, actions mean everything. I just think that our relationship is relatively new. I can't let my guard down right out the gate, no matter how incredible our connection is. My walls will come down over time with him. Brick by brick if it has to. I just hope he's willing to stick around. If he really cares about me, he'll stick around right, or am I asking too much of him? Like MD said, being "mr. save your GF" is no fun. I just want him to be, "mr. you are worth the wait" Thanks, Riddler.
MadDog Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Like MD said, being "mr. save your GF" is no fun. I just want him to be, "mr. you are worth the wait" Well, I don't think being Mr. "You are worth the wait" is too fair to him either. I mean, I was pretty into the girl I was seeing and I could have just waited for her too but the fact is, there's no telling when she'd come around and no guarantee that when she does, I'd be the one she wants to continue seeing. How much would that blow if I waited on her and she decided to date some other dude? The fairest and healthiest thing for me was to just withdraw and let her come to me if she feels ready to continue what we started sometime in the future. The difference between you and her is that she straight up said she wasn't looking/ready for a relationship whereas you seem open to it but are just scared. If she had said she was scared but wanted to continue, I probably would have stuck around.
Author luvtoto Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 Well, I don't think being Mr. "You are worth the wait" is too fair to him either. I mean, I was pretty into the girl I was seeing and I could have just waited for her too but the fact is, there's no telling when she'd come around and no guarantee that when she does, I'd be the one she wants to continue seeing. How much would that blow if I waited on her and she decided to date some other dude? The fairest and healthiest thing for me was to just withdraw and let her come to me if she feels ready to continue what we started sometime in the future. The difference between you and her is that she straight up said she wasn't looking/ready for a relationship whereas you seem open to it but are just scared. If she had said she was scared but wanted to continue, I probably would have stuck around. MadDog, I hope he sticks around. Part of me feels like I should have hid my insecurities a little while longer. Other part...hell, no! This is me...take it or leave it.
fourfingers Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Tsss ;-) Check this out... You are afraid to lose him, you are afraid to screw it up, and so you will screw it up because of that... Silly no? But somehow you can't help it!! I know how you feel, but the key is to just have FUN. Stop living for tomorrow (will we still be together tomorrow?!) and start living for NOW (we are together now, and tbfh, it's great). Turn insecurity into fun... See in cases like these, tomorrow, next week, next year, don't matter. In those great romantic/fun/exciting moments, it's ALL about that exact moment, not what comes after or before! So focus on NOW in those moments and let go of tomorrow, just have fun. Just think of it this way. He's there isn't he? He's next to you no? He's not there just to be there cause he can do that by himself aswell. He's there with you because he wants to be there with you. Those are just the plain and simple facts... so why worry?
Author luvtoto Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 Tsss ;-) Check this out... You are afraid to lose him, you are afraid to screw it up, and so you will screw it up because of that... Silly no? But somehow you can't help it!! I know how you feel, but the key is to just have FUN. Stop living for tomorrow (will we still be together tomorrow?!) and start living for NOW (we are together now, and tbfh, it's great). Turn insecurity into fun... See in cases like these, tomorrow, next week, next year, don't matter. In those great romantic/fun/exciting moments, it's ALL about that exact moment, not what comes after or before! So focus on NOW in those moments and let go of tomorrow, just have fun. Just think of it this way. He's there isn't he? He's next to you no? He's not there just to be there cause he can do that by himself aswell. He's there with you because he wants to be there with you. Those are just the plain and simple facts... so why worry? I can really relate with your advice. Thanks Fourfingers. By the way, he just called! Yea! I told him how I was feeling about things. He understood, and then told me he had a fun time last night. Now I feel good about being straight with him. Next date we have, I think I can take down a few of my bricks per say. He's showing me that I can trust him. I think I'll lighten up a lot! I do NOT want to mess this up. I want to thank everyone for all your help. I know exactly what's going on with me now.
MadDog Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 By the way, he just called! Yea! I told him how I was feeling about things. He understood, and then told me he had a fun time last night. Now I feel good about being straight with him. Next date we have, I think I can take down a few of my bricks per say. He's showing me that I can trust him. I think I'll lighten up a lot! I do NOT want to mess this up. I want to thank everyone for all your help. I know exactly what's going on with me now. Nice. So live like there's no tomorrow. It's not guaranteed so you really should.
Author luvtoto Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 By the way, Fourfingers...welcome to LS!
Author luvtoto Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 Nice. So live like there's no tomorrow. It's not guaranteed so you really should. Soooo...having sex with him last night was OK then?
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