Bars and Spirits...

[Agent M]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I originally posted this in Dating, but now I'm wondering if my issue with it is actually a spiritual one in nature...

[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Please weigh in on this issue...I've been up all night wondering what to do.

 

My b/f has had no wheels for about 3 mos. now, and is depending on others for rides. More and more, his neighbor Bill has been showing up and taking him here, there, and everywhere. Much of the stuff is productive (like hardware store, kayaking, eating out), but they always end up in a bar playing pool or sometimes hanging out. Now the bars around here aren't like nice clubs, they're dark, skanky bars with alcoholics. Bill likes to drink and smoke p, my b/f usually has about two beers. Then they head back to Bill's house and play drums or watch movies. Bill is always looking for women, too.

 

Anyway, I've left the bar scene in the past. I don't really like to drink much, and I get really bad vibes in these skanky bars. Granted, they are playing pool, but I'm not really wanting to hang out with people who hang out in bars. I find these kind of bars scary….you can almost feel the spirits lurking around in the place. When you walk in, you just get that very uncomfortable “lets get out of here” feeling. I also feel like hanging out in bars is a very spiritually stagnant way to spend your time…and it’s not productive. I feel like drinking and hanging out with drug doers pull a person down and negatively affects their vibrations.[/FONT][/COLOR]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]My b/f is in bars more and more. Bill is like 43 and the b/f is 38. I'm uncomfortable with this whole bar/hanging out thing. This is not a trust issue. I spoke with the b/f and he feels he does a lot of constructive things like hiking, tracking animals, masonry, tree trimming, bird and animal watching. Etc. So….I’m not sure what to do because I see a really great side to him as well. I told him he did not have to change anything for me (he wouldn’t anyway) but that I had to make my own decision. I’m just not sure what to do.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[suegail]

I don't really know how to respond, because I don't know what I can offer you in the way of advice - it's obvious that you do understand that you have a decision to make, and you have to base that on what your feelings are about all this. And although you've told him he doesn't have to change for you, if you decide you can't accept his hanging out in bars, somebody is going to have to make some changes....I would think.

 

anyway, your post made me think of this poem i've had for many years. I found it years ago tucked away in a family album and have always wondered who the heck wrote it. It seems somewhat fitting at the present having read the thoughts you have expressed....

 

 

"On a dirty floor at a slimy bar

In the ante-room of hell,

I have seen them stand with the devil's leer,

I have heard the tales they tell;

I have heard them brag of brutish things,

I have heard them boast of shame,

'Till I longed for the Hebrew's God again,

For the God who smote with flame.

And I wondered much if there lingered still

Not a dream of boyhood-land,

Not a tender thought of a mother's kiss

Or the touch of a sister's hand,

For we wander far, and the years go by,

And our boyhood vision fades;

Yet we are the sons of the mothers of men

And brothers to all the maids.

 

And it isn't there in the wilds alone

That the souls of men forget;

In the house of pride, on the polished stair,

Where the gilded ones are met,

I have heard the tale that is often told on the dirty barroom floor,

WHile the idle smiled, and the lounger laughed, and the bestial asked for more.

For the thing we are is the thing we are,

Not the thing in garments new;

And the coat that fits is the tailor's coat,

But the man inside is you.

It is such as I, it is such as you,

That have made the jests and jades;

Yet we are the sons of the mother's of men

And brothers to all the maids."

[Agent M]

Thank you so much for that beautiful poem...it does fit. At some point, I will e-mail it to him after things have blown over. It's very difficult for me to know what the "right" thing to do is. I'm a very flexible, accepting, and understanding person who had difficulty identifying her own feelings. I have to sit with things for a long while, then decide what feels right to me. But I am often confused, hence I ask for advice. Thank you again so much.

[suegail]

You're quite welcome, and I wish you all the best....