rhlovesrs Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 I have only been on this site for one day now, but I am addicted. I have to say that the support and advice and similiarites between so many of our situtations is the comfort that I needed to get me thru the lonely day and night yesterday. I feel bad for some of the feelings that I have been having as of late and would not dare tell anyone of them before. There are all kinds of OW on here - those in a relationship from a few weeks to years (like myself). I have spent the last three years bouncing from wanting to get my feelings to change so I could move on, to being totally amazed by how much I could actually love one person. I have to be honest in saying that I am spend more of my time totally in love, but it is so heartwrenching to have these feelings for someone who is not totally available to me in the way that I would like. I do love him, more than I though was ever possible, and as his kids are a part of him, they fall under that umbrella to. It was because of these feelings that I would always let things fall on his schedule. Time to talk - on his schedule . Time together - on his schedule. Always putting his feelings and his kids ahead of my own. A sacrifce that I was more than willing to make - just to make him happy. I would never admit my feelings to him, to make things easier on him, but he had no problem in voicing his feelings to me. Recently we have put all of our feelings and emotions on the table. This has made me more driven than ever to get what "I" want. I feel bad for that. I have been more open emotionally and I have also been more openly demanding (for lack of a better term) with what I want. I don't want to have any regrets, so I am not going to be the OW that sits by quietly anymore. That doesn't mean that I am going to cause trouble for him, but it means that I am going after what I want, so I don't have any regrets at the end. Whether the end is with us together or separately. I am in many ways courting him now. I send him the suggestive emails and texts, I leave little notes on his desk in confidental envelopes, I am finding creative excuses to spend extra time together at work, I am showing a little affection and touching around the office (a touch on the hand as I walk by...etc). I want this man and a life with him. I don't feel guilty about that. Should I feel guilty about my sudden change in tactics?? He has responded very well to the change and has enjoyed it all - as it has put a new spin on our relationship. However, he has also expressed he is a little nervous about this change in me. Thinking it will cause others to find out. Please post your responses, suggestions, ideas!!!!!
movinon05 Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Well, you can pull out all the stops you want, but don't be surprised when they may not speed up the process of him leaving his M. His kids are still going to be the priority. I just picture that at some point, he's not going to respond the way you like, and then you're going to get frustrated and angry. For me, I didn't pull out any stops because he was always coming to me. Loving me as I was. I didn't have to be different or try certain things to hook him. Everything I did, he loved. And that did include suggestive things to drive him crazy. But the intention wasn't to reel him in. It was genuine. Lot of good it did me anyway. 7 years of it and he still stayed in the M.
Author rhlovesrs Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 I think there was a slight misunderstading to some of the content of my post and probably just due to the way that I worded it. I am "pulling out all the stops"...yes. It is different cause I didn't do that before, but it is not because I didn't want to before. I am leaving myself open to express myself however I want to with him now. Part of that is just because it is truly me and that is what I want him to know, and part of it is because I dont want to hold myself back anymore and have questions of "what if" or any regrets. He is the one who always initiates contact and he is the one that has always freely expressed his feelings for me. I do not doubt that he loves me or that his situation at home is truly as unhappy as he says. That was clear before I started to work there (as coworkers have confirmed) and over the 1-1/2 yrs before we got involved. I don't not expect to be a first priority with anyone when there is kids involved. I would lose most of the respect I had for him, if he didn't make his kids his first priority. Like I previously said, we have had a conversation where we expressed what was in our hearts. That left me feeling closer to him than ever and that is a big reason why I don't feel any need to hold back the way I express myself to him emotionally or physically. I don't doubt that this could go on for 3 more years or longer and that in the end I am still going to be left yearning for the relationship I want, while he remains with his GF. That is one thing that I have taken away from my short time on this site - it usually does not work out in our - the OW - favour. Knowing all of that, my heart is still ruling my decisions. I love him more than ever and for now the good still outweighs the bad in this relationship. I hope I explained myself a little better. I didn't want it to come across that I had to be suggestive to get a response from him cause that is not the case at all. It is more the case of me being more of myself and feeling more expressive. Love is the biggest driving force in our relationship and our emotional connection is like nothing else I have ever experienced, but who are we kidding if we say that the physcial part of the relationship and the way we express ourselves with our partner is not a part of a relationship either. Please post any feedback or encourgagement that you have. Advise is kindly welcomed aswell.
Jessie61 Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Recently we have put all of our feelings and emotions on the table. This has made me more driven than ever to get what "I" want. I feel bad for that. I have been more open emotionally and I have also been more openly demanding (for lack of a better term) with what I want. I don't want to have any regrets, so I am not going to be the OW that sits by quietly anymore. That doesn't mean that I am going to cause trouble for him, but it means that I am going after what I want, so I don't have any regrets at the end. Whether the end is with us together or separately. RHL, You have been in this for 3 years? Putting HIM first at every turn? Adjusting to HIS schedule? Making sacrifices to make HIM happy? You have given him 3 years, and you are allowing HIM to make up your mind about your future, you're not interested in causing "trouble" for him if he doesn't chose you. Now you are asking if it is selfish of you to ask for more.... how can it be selfish??? I gather that all you are sick of is being the perment OW and that all you are asking for is to be made No. 1 or to have the opportunity to move on with your life? Please correct me if I am wrong! If I am not mistaken, then I say, GO FOR IT! You ARE entitled to ask for more. And don't apologise for it!!! Do bear in mind, though, that "asking" is not the same thing as "getting", and you also have to prepare yourself for the possibility that this A might well come to an end. But isn't it better to know now than to waste another 3 years and still end up with nothing??? Good luck!
Author rhlovesrs Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 You are correct. I have been involved in this for 3 years now and I would be lying if I said I don't want to be No. 1. Well at least his No.1 girl cause his kids will always be his No.1 priority. I don't hold out much hope for this working out in my favour, especially since I read alot of the postings on here. Of course you know we all fantasize otherwise. I can be realistic about the situation, but I have not been able to find the strength to let my brain take control and win out over my heart. I am not sure how easy it would be for me to move on with my life. We work very closely together at work. We have taken a break before and you could still feel the magnetic pull between us. When we talk to each other, no matter where we are, our eyes lock and you can see and feel the love - and that has never changed over the years. I had never been the cheater and this is my first time being involved as the OW. However, I did seriously start dating someone during our first/last break and by all appearances I was happy and he was happy for me. He was still a constant thought of mine, no matter how much I tried to concentrate on the other person. Eventually, I gave in and I became a cheater. It only happened one time, but it did happen nonetheless. That was a very down time for me. First of all, I became the other woman when I previously looked down on that. Then I became a cheater and I always took a sense of pride in the fact that I would be totally committed to my partner. I realized at that time, that trying to push aside or hide my feelings was not going to work. So I am not sure how easy it will be, or how successful I would be at trying to move on again?? I feel sad when I think about things. I have been around the block. I have found success in every aspect of my life and truly want that love I have with him on a full time basis. I never thought that I would feel love like this. I never thought that I would be willing to sacrifice so much just for the part time relationship I have. I never thought that I would ever become the third party / OW in a relationship and previously looked down on other OW. I think about him in whatever decisions I make. I do not want to walk away. I am not totally unhappy with being the OW "yet" and if I am feeling this way after 3 yrs, I am not sure how long it will take for me to feel that discontent. After 3 yrs I still have tingles with every kind of contact we have - meet in the hallway at work, emails, phone calls, texts, etc... What does all that say??? I can carry on with my life the best way I can right now - being the OW, but I can safely say that at this piont my door and my heart will always be open to him. I am letting him have this power over me and I dont know how to stop it, or even if I want to. I do have a fear that I will end up an old lonely lady because I am content with the situation as it is right now because of the overall feeling that I can honestly say that I have. Is there any hope for me?? Can someone help!!!! Am I holding on to a fantasy??? How can I let go of the feelings and the love that we share??
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