scarletletter Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 So here we are...all of us OW on a Saturday night sitting at our computers instead of sitting with the man that we love....does that tell us all something? I think it does. I am so frustrated. MM said he would call today after his son's ballgame..never heard from him so I went out with some friends. I thought about him all night long and still no phone call....men really do suck..they really do!!!!! Why in the hell do we give them so much control. It is so hard to pretend that you don't care, which is what I am trying to do right now.
Author scarletletter Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 I hope not...I love him deeply, but he takes advantage of me. That is the very reason that I try to not make make myself so available when he calls. Even if I am doing absolutely nothing, sometimes I pretend that I am busy...just to keep him on his toes. Bad and silly game I am playing, but we never had any agreement, he has never told me that I would be his, etc....we are in it soley for our own benefit of what we are missing from our marriages. I just don't like being told one thing and then him not following through. If I told him that I wasn't going to see him anymore, he would say..."whatever is best for you"..i know him like a book. He would never patronize me. He would just say that he was sorry for not being what I wanted him to be.
Author scarletletter Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 Walking away... I hope you don't leave the forum anytime soon. If I decide to do this I will need your wisdom and support. Tomorrow is another day... I will make my mind up then.
lovernotafighter Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 So here we are...all of us OW on a Saturday night sitting at our computers instead of sitting with the man that we love....does that tell us all something? I think it does. I am so frustrated. MM said he would call today after his son's ballgame..never heard from him so I went out with some friends. I thought about him all night long and still no phone call....men really do suck..they really do!!!!! Why in the hell do we give them so much control. It is so hard to pretend that you don't care, which is what I am trying to do right now. omg..you sound so much like me..I act like he wouldn't bother when he would return a call or a e-mail..but inside I wanted to kick him square in the balls lol! yep..here we are on a saturday night,and you know what I am happy I finally have a couple free hours to chill out here with some of the most fabulous women god ever graced the planet with. guys sucks..I'm thinking of playing for the other team Walking away... I hope you don't leave the forum anytime soon. If I decide to do this I will need your wisdom and support. Tomorrow is another day... I will make my mind up then. how long has your A been going on? you sound very much like me when I first signed on here..then wham-o I have all these feelings and things I never intended on..it's so hard!
Walking away Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 I will stick around. You ladies have been a source of tremendous strength to me. I don't think I would be where I am today without your support and kindness. Hugs to you WA
lovernotafighter Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 I will stick around. You ladies have been a source of tremendous strength to me. I don't think I would be where I am today without your support and kindness. Hugs to you WAyes! WA your a gem girl..we love you to pieces! don't leave us,we all need you *hugs*
movinon05 Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 I hope not...I love him deeply, but he takes advantage of me. That is the very reason that I try to not make make myself so available when he calls. Even if I am doing absolutely nothing, sometimes I pretend that I am busy...just to keep him on his toes. Bad and silly game I am playing, but we never had any agreement, he has never told me that I would be his, etc....we are in it soley for our own benefit of what we are missing from our marriages. I just don't like being told one thing and then him not following through. If I told him that I wasn't going to see him anymore, he would say..."whatever is best for you"..i know him like a book. He would never patronize me. He would just say that he was sorry for not being what I wanted him to be. Wow, you just reminded me of all the endless nights I sat alone, waiting for the call, getting all made up and dressed and ready to go to just sit. And spend the next few hours cursing him out or crying. My exMM was always trying to find excuses to get out of the house, but after awhile, it wasn't so easy because she would always check up on him. But I used to tell him, don't promise me we're going to see each other and then leave me flat hanging. Always got the "I'm sorry, but .....(fill in the blanks) happened." I became so angry with myself for allowing him to do this to me, or allowing him to have this control. Eventually, I stopped waiting around. At least I felt I was taking some of the control away from him and then I wasn't sitting in being miserable and getting frustrated. And eventually, the promises stopped too because he knew he couldn't promise me anything. Another reason why it feels so good to be out of it and not dealing with that crap. You might as well get used to that. Men are just like that and to tell you the truth, sometimes I don't think they really even see it. Unless it was done to them - which it hardly ever is. The OW always makes herself available for any crumb he can throw her way, so he never gets that feeling of hurt or rejection.
Blind Illusion Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 I hope not...I love him deeply, but he takes advantage of me. That is the very reason that I try to not make make myself so available when he calls. Even if I am doing absolutely nothing, sometimes I pretend that I am busy...just to keep him on his toes. Bad and silly game I am playing, but we never had any agreement, he has never told me that I would be his, etc....we are in it soley for our own benefit of what we are missing from our marriages. I just don't like being told one thing and then him not following through. If I told him that I wasn't going to see him anymore, he would say..."whatever is best for you"..i know him like a book. He would never patronize me. He would just say that he was sorry for not being what I wanted him to be. Once upon a time, in another infidelity forum, a wise OW told me that the only problem with these tactics are that you are playing a game but only you know you are playing it. However , I still do these kinds of things also, like not calling him back right away, pretending things are fine,as not to appear needy, when all I really just want to strangle him, etc. And you are probably just like me, it's not like we are these big conniving game players, manipulators, etc. It's just that we don't have many options available and somehow we try certain underlying things rather than these open demands that we don't feel we are justified in making. (like I bet if that was hubby doing those kinds of misdeeds, you'd be on him right away about it) Anyhow, i hope I don't sound like I am lecturing about game-playing. Right now I am in this NC period because I never returned a call 10 days ago & thought he would call back. (in the past, he usually would be, thinking he overdid the taking for granted thing) I am also in the same boat where he also never promised us this wonderful life together and then you could almost hate him for broken promises and lying. I suppose his worse crime, (other than me feeling the relationship is more at his convenience) is being able to enjoy the other, non-me, parts of his life much better than I could without him.
lovernotafighter Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Once upon a time, in another infidelity forum, a wise OW told me that the only problem with these tactics are that you are playing a game but only you know you are playing it. However , I still do these kinds of things also, like not calling him back right away, pretending things are fine,as not to appear needy, when all I really just want to strangle him, etc. And you are probably just like me, it's not like we are these big conniving game players, manipulators, etc. It's just that we don't have many options available and somehow we try certain underlying things rather than these open demands that we don't feel we are justified in making. (like I bet if that was hubby doing those kinds of misdeeds, you'd be on him right away about it) Anyhow, i hope I don't sound like I am lecturing about game-playing. Right now I am in this NC period because I never returned a call 10 days ago & thought he would call back. (in the past, he usually would be, thinking he overdid the taking for granted thing) I am also in the same boat where he also never promised us this wonderful life together and then you could almost hate him for broken promises and lying. I suppose his worse crime, (other than me feeling the relationship is more at his convenience) is being able to enjoy the other, non-me, parts of his life much better than I could without him. I think our MM's know the game and play 'em to. my MM after a very short NC I started, then reniged by calling him ,stated to me " I thought you'd wait till I called you". I knew right then he was playing the same game. I'm here for you if you need me BI, NC is gonna be really hard,we are totally in the same boat...hell we all are, aren't we? ..I am writing him another final better good bye letter because I think he'll probably write me this week..even if he doesn't I'll have it on hand and I'm just gonna send it when he starts his crap. my MM's worse crime is probably the same as yours..why does it seem men can do this so much better than us women...why did god have to make us the caring loving people..being a woman is difficult on so many levels
Author scarletletter Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 omg..you sound so much like me..I act like he wouldn't bother when he would return a call or a e-mail..but inside I wanted to kick him square in the balls lol! yep..here we are on a saturday night,and you know what I am happy I finally have a couple free hours to chill out here with some of the most fabulous women god ever graced the planet with. guys sucks..I'm thinking of playing for the other team how long has your A been going on? you sound very much like me when I first signed on here..then wham-o I have all these feelings and things I never intended on..it's so hard! Been with this man for 10 months now.
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