SweetPea80 Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 Hey everyone! Do you think that getting married after knowing someone for a year is too soon? Itsn't it a good idea to get to know a person before taking a big step like marriage. I want to know what you all think about this.
Outcast Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 Depends how well you know the person. Do you 'know' him from hanging out and doing things together or do you 'know' him from having serious discussions about life and your values and beliefs and money and religion and child-rearing, etc? Find yourself one of the several books on 'questions to ask before marrying' and go through the book with him. Once you've sorted out all those issues, then you'll be more ready. I'd also suggest living together. You honestly do not know what it's like to live with someone until you've actually done it. Two people may love each other very much but be unable to live together well at all.
tikigods Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 I think it takes at least a year in 99% of the time to just get out of the honeymoon phase and start seeing the person for who they really are. Most engagments last 1-2 years though which gives you even more time to get to know the person before the finale day. I guess in the long run I would say 2 years is when I would start thinking about it
Tim'sAngel Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 Hey everyone! Do you think that getting married after knowing someone for a year is too soon? Itsn't it a good idea to get to know a person before taking a big step like marriage. I want to know what you all think about this. I think it depends on the person. I definately think you should know the person as well as you can before saying "I do", but then again, you don't really know someone until you live in the same space as them and see their daily habits. IMO, I'd say a year is a good time to get engaged. That way you're making the plans and seeing how your partner handles the realitization of marriage between you two.
MrsHellFire Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 A year is way too soon. I know they say marriages dont last as long when you live together first, but there must be something messed up about that statistic. Probably a lot of different factors and circumstances to take into account why it's that way. It might even be because most of the people who do NOT live with the man first, are with their parents. So these people do not know what it's like to live alone and are usually dependent on parents. And then they jump to marriage and learn how to be dependent on their husband, therefore too afraid to divorce. The people who have been on their own are usually the ones who move in with their boyfriend, therefore not as scared to leave after divorced cause they've already experienced independence. I'm probably wrong, but just a suggestion, im sure there's many other reasons why this is. Plus there is also the point that people who DO NOT MOVE IN FIRST are very religious. Because it is called "living in sin" to live with a man before marriage. And therefore, these people will also take marriage extremely serious in god's eyes, even risking their own happiness to keep their marriage intact. You don't even really start seeing his full personality in a year's time sometimes. Sometimes, reality only sets in after marriage when they start taking you for granted and treat you like crap (because they know you are already "in the bag" so to speak). They no longer have to "woo" you. I think you should live with him for a while first before jumping the gun. I'm sure so many relationships, which would have turned into bad marriages, have been thwarted by living together first.
timidity99 Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Yes a year is too soon for marriage. Even too soon for engagement. Try dating exclusively for 4 years at minimum.
Author SweetPea80 Posted May 21, 2006 Author Posted May 21, 2006 MrsHellFire I agree I think after knowing someone for a year and getting married is too soon, most of the time the couple is still in the honeymoon phase, and you really have to get through all the stages first before you take a big step like marriage. Most of the time the couple is more in lust than in love. I guess everyone is different, but I would have to date a man for at least 2 years before I would even consider marriage. I don't think some people show their true colors in a year.
Vertex Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 It's a grab bag. My parents got married after only knowing each other a year. They stayed together for 22+ years (until the death occurred, that is). I knew my girlfriend for a little over a year before I saw her true colors. It really just depends. I think, personally, that you need more than a year or two to REALLY know someone to the point where you can gauge for the most part how you two will handle problems. I mean marriage is a huge step and I think it is worth taking the time to scout things out first before heading in. Furthermore, there's the infamous "honeymoon stage" that seems to pop up everywhere. I think the time is right when you no longer see the other person as perfect but rather flawed -- but in a beautiful way. What I mean is that they should be flaws that do not take away from what would make a good relationship. For instance, if their flaw is dishonesty, then maybe marriage isn't the best idea. Everyone has flaws -- but if you're able to see the flaws in another and still love them and see them as marriage material, then you're a step ahead. Then again this is all speculation -- I've never had to deal with marriage yet but it is just my opinion from extrapolation.
erika2610 Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 Hey everyone! Do you think that getting married after knowing someone for a year is too soon? Itsn't it a good idea to get to know a person before taking a big step like marriage. I want to know what you all think about this. Please tell me you're asking this for a friend, and your boyfriend didn't like propose?
Sanavelas Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 My fiance and I have been engaged since debember and we are eloping in July. so i dont think it's too soon but that's just me i mean if you love the person go for it
PinkPippaCat Posted May 21, 2006 Posted May 21, 2006 A friend of mine once said, and IMO, quite accurately, that you need to live with someone for 3 months before you know who they really are - theory being that even if someone is VERY good at pretending to be someone they are not, then not even they can maintain a false personality for more than 3 months continually. Basically, it depends on whether you are going into this as a lifelong committment or as something at if it doesn't work out, you can get divorced. Trust your gut instinct on whether it is the right guy for you - it is usually right! I know people who knew the moment they first met that they would get married, got married very quickly, and are still happily together 35 years on (god bless Ma & Pa!) but I also know people who were together years, got married and then within a year got divorced - I don't think any one approach works for every couple so do what feels right for you!
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