leeutalkin2me Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 I feel really screwed up. In short, last year I got into a relationship with someoen who was engaged and eventually married. we continued on for a while and then she decided she wanted to be with her husband. Ever since then, she has continued telling me that she loves me and wants to be with me but that she cant. Have still kept in touch, emails at work and txts. every few months she seems to really pull on my heart strings, telling me how she feels. tells me things and her actions say the opposite and confuse me. I have just moved into my own place and i promised i would show her my place. i was ready 2 do some and she started saying she would love to go on a date with me and i tell her that its just not possible, i cant do anything until her circumstances change. Again yesterday, organising when she is coming around, she says will i be able to give her a hug etc, which sets me off again to what does she want. She says she cant give me what i want by being lovers, and at the same time says she cant be friends because she still loves me so much. she married a year ago and its been like this ever since. even tho things ended between us, its always been halfy half with her feelings being passed to me. The majority of our contact is via text messages. I can never stop thinking about her, even when we have no contact at all, i still have all the memories, and now that i have moved etc im just so so had and lonely. I just feel so lost and want to try everytime i think about her, and her life. I know this is all my own fault i should have known what i was doing, but i was in experienced and when a special person came along, once in 25years. im just sad that she keeps chosing otherwise, but at the same time still loves me, even though I dont see her. I just knew that when i had my own place, my heart strings would be pulled by her. i ask her what she wants from me and she simply doesnt know. i have told her in the past to fix her marriage even tho she tells me theres nothing wrong with it, deep down she must realise there is, when she loves two people. What can i do, i cant stop thinking about her, i dont want anyone else and it destroys me. even 6months after she officially broke off with me. Im sorry if im not making any sense, just so confused and sad : - ( A couple of years ago, i took AD's & had some counselling because of my bad attitude towards myself, i ended these and then this girl came along it was like a reward. i wonder if i need to go back on them to get back on Track
GB111 Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 Sorry to hear your situation. I must say that normally I'd tell you to leave her alone; she's married. Now, I'm still going to do that, but I sense from your email that you are looking to her for more than just romance, but also for a sense of self-worth. I'm no psychiatrist, but you seem to know what's right but just can't make yourself follow your own moral compass due to your own low self-esteem. Ok, now that I've jumped to a number of potentially very wrong conclusions, here's what I would say. First of all, you really need to get out of this vicious cycle. Every time you have contact with her and you can't have what you want, it will beat you down a bit further. You need to realize that you cannot have what you want. She is a married woman and with all due respect, you have no right to intrude. Given that fact, you need to cease all contact with her. If ADs will help you accomplish that, than by all means, use them. As long as you continue to have contact with her, things will only get worse. If you force yourself in to NC, things will be harder in the short term, but much better in the long term. There is someone else out there for you. Get back your self-esteem and women will see you and love you for the person you are. Best of luck to you! GB
Author leeutalkin2me Posted May 20, 2006 Author Posted May 20, 2006 Yes i know, she is so special to me and i dont want us to never ssee each other again. suppose in a way, keepin myselfr around her, i thought that one day she would say right i want to be with you. but to be honest, she isnt brave enough to do it as it would change her entire life and how wud she justify it to friends and family. I admit your right, im have low esteem, but the situation doesnt help me at all., when i first met her i was a different person. but seem to be goin back 2 my old ways. i cant see that there is someoen else for me It took 25years to find one. she came up out of the blue and it blossomed between us at a time that it shouldnt have.
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