NicholasI Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 Ok, me and my ex-fiance/ current GF, were together for exactly 1 year and a half.... we had our own place, animals, were really happy, and then one day she decided that she wasnt ready for commitment... we talked, I got upset and hurt... but we were working through it... then she met this one guy up at these bonfires a bunch of friends throw... she liked him as a friend and stuff... he listened and blah blah blah... I hate that part... She told me the same thing when we first started going out... buttttt, I was like ok, she a new friend, thats good, I was happy.... so at one point me her and him were all drinking at our apartment... and I went to the bathroom, decided to walk BACK into the living room and saw him almost on top of her kissing her.... I should have waiting to see if she would of stoped him or not, but I didnt, I flipped out, punched the closet twice and put two big holes in it.... he better of been glad that I am not a fan of injuring others, or else his face wouldve been a little more ugly then it already was.... sorry... I hate him, there was a lot going through my head at the time so, yea..... im not violent to others.... just some things push my buttons, which I think that one is understandable.... she said that he kissed her, and that she wouldve pulled away but she didnt have a chance... he said he kissed her and was sorry and wouldve never done that and he doesnt know why he did.... but yea, so we lost our apartment because of money problems.... and then I went and stayed at a friends house , and she wasnt comfortable there so she stayed at his house..... we kinda broke up.... she got with him because she thought she owed him a chance because he was letting her stay there.... and she was realy happy, he was everything I wasnt... and after a while she got sick of him... especially on a 2 week trip they went on to visit his grandpa and one of her best friends... so we started talking about getting back together... and we did, kinda... thats where I am at rigth now, he doesnt know that we are together, he doesnt want to see us together again because he will feel used, so she is trying to get a friendship between her and him.... they are not together anymore by the way.. but so we are in a secret relationship right now while she tries to make friends with him and slowly bring on the idea that me and her are back together.... and I just... I dont know.... I dont know what to think, I F****** love her to death, I just... I hate her ex's... she likes to be friends with them, and everyone of them that came back in contact with her wanted to get back together or just do a one night stand..... They all cant seem to let go of her, and she doesnt want to, she wants to be friends with them... which is understandable but.... I hate all of them for the most part, especially the one that slept with her while we were together, but I got him put in jail..... and he did some stupid stuff that pushed her away, and hes been with her about 3-4 diffrent times, and has cheated or hurt her everytime... so its over between them.... but I just need some opinions on what to do, im over the cheating part, I just dont know if I could ever deal with her leaving me again or just doing other things that will make me curious about her intentions... I dont know if I left things out or not, sorry for all the hims hers and mes but I didnt want there names in there,..... but yea, help....
Author NicholasI Posted May 20, 2006 Author Posted May 20, 2006 And Ive started to talk to this one woman..... she seems pretty cool, I havent met her in person just talked online, and I saw her walking down a street in my town the other day.... I kinda want to be with her, but the thing is, I dont even know if she is interested in me, she found me, and we started talking, but im still not sure, and the other thing is I dont want to give up what I have right now, if its anything at all, and try it out with this new woman.... but I will not cheat or go behind my "kinda" current "GF".... but yeA.... I know i shouldve posted this in the secondchances forum but I didnt see it until I posted this one...
RecordProducer Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 She is hurting you. Period. Let her know that you will not accept her exes anymore (except the ones you don't mind, if any) and if she doesn't get rid of them and tell her ex that you're together AND stop being friends with him that it's over. Don't say it when you're mad as she won't take you seriously. When you're posing ultimatums, it's extremely important to be calm and cold and show the other party that you're not kidding. If she loves you, she will do what you ask. She reminds me of my husband in many aspects from what you wrote here. he is a very stubborn person that never makes any kistakes... ooops.. I meant never ADMITS them. If she is anything like him, it will be hard for her to see things from your position. But be persistent and don't crawl back to her if you have to break up this time.
Author NicholasI Posted May 20, 2006 Author Posted May 20, 2006 Yea, Ive thought about that, but her ex's have been a part of our relationship the entire time, and I actually did give her an ultimatum yesterday, er, two days ago at this time of night... I told her that the thing with "him" has to end, and I am giving her a week, and well, if it doesnt stop..... I guess you could say theres gonna be hell to pay... not really but I think you get my point.... AND all of my friends for the most part hate her, which makes getting a place to stay difficult, but the thing is, I kinda want to end it, but I dont want to give up, I want to see how things go, and well, im only 19... young for commitment, really young... ive heard it from everyone, and I am kinda feeling like I want to go out and experience some more before I settle down... but again, I would never it my wildest dreams ever cheat on her.... but when she was on her trip with him I really wanted her back.. and now at this point.. when she is back and basically in my arms... I dont feel like holding my arms out anymore... I did for way to long... at least it felt like way to long.... I ... I really dont know..
MissTiss Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Record Producer is right. You have a right as her Boyfriend (or whatever at the moment) to ask that she honor your feelings. Now, we as humans have free will and will chose ultimately, to do whatever we want to do. The thing is that if she loves you and knows that she is hurting you, she will stop. Because Love is like that. Love means that you do your best not to hurt the other person. She should not be in contact with her other boyfriends, especaially the ones who are intent on getting back with her. You have to tell her, as RP says in a calm manner, no accusatory tone, no feelings way... I wonder if she would get pissed if you were in contact with some of your exes? I bet she would. Pity it is so hard for people to put themselves in other people's shoes these days. It would be so much easier, if we all just tried for a minute to see how other people feel about our actions. If only for some perspective.
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