MadKurlz Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 Here goes my story……Im 32, he is 26. We met 2 yrs ago. We dated for a year and became exclusive last year. We tried getting pregnant and succeded in Dec 05. I Moved into his place and I rented out my home to a tenant. I miscarried in Feb 06. We both dealt with the loss and agreed to try again in May. Everything was good. Since April he is different. He is withdrawn, cold, distant. He easily gets aggravated by things I do or say. I have asked him what is wrong with him and he says everything is fine. The only way that I was able to get him to open up was 2 weeks ago, when I emailed him (he was at work)telling him that it was time to start trying to conceive. Of course this is a lie but I knew he would tell me that we should wait cus my gut feeling was telling me that something is different in our relationship. And sure enough, he said that he thought we should wait a couple of months. I asked him why he sd he didn’t know but thought that it was a good idea to wait. I asked him if he wanted to talk when he got home from work, he sd yes. When he got home, (5:00pm) he went about his business trying to avoid all types of conversation with me. I let him unwind and do what he had to do. About 9 pm , he finally sat down with me and sd that his feelings have changed for me and he doesn’t know why. He sd that things I do or say aggravated and annoys him and that I bother him. I asked him, “ok so you don’t love me anymore?” He sd, yes he still loves me and is in love with me and wants to be with me but at the same time doesn’t want to be with me. He is confused. And that he wants to wait it out and see if his feelings change and if what he is feeling is only temporary and hopefully things go back to normal in a couple of months. He sd that he didn’t want to tell me anything for fear of me worrying about “us” and causing me stress and emotional pain. But of course I cried and cried. And worried. I also mentioned to him that if he really wanted to work things out and he sd of course that he wouldn’t have me there if he didn’t. I cant help but feel he is just waiting for the end of this month, so that way we can tell my tenant that we will not renew his lease. We need to give him 30 day notice, if I needed to move back in. Well these past 2 weeks have been hell for me, and his attitude towards me is worse. Im sure it has a lot to do with me being clingy, I can’t help it. I know it’s the wrong way to behave too. I must keep myself busy. I just want to show him how much I love him and that I don’t want to loose him, but that always seems to be the wrong way to go from what I have read on these message boards. He is now more cold and distant, non conversational, cell phone up his ass, when we have sex he doesn’t even touch me or kiss me:confused: . Its almost like he hates being in the same room with me. This is just too much to handle.
CrumblingWalls Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 Hello, Well it sounds as if we are similiar boats. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years just lost his father and my whole world as been turned upside down. He is distant but continues to tell me loves me and wants us to work things out. Mind you, we never had any real issues wrong. We barely ever fought. I have been an emotional wreck over the past week and am supposed to be leaving on vacation on Sunday (in which he was or is supposed to be going). I can't get straight right now, the thoughts and feelings are so overwhelming. I am going to give you the same advice in which I am attempting to do and that is just give him the space that he needs. He obviously has some issues that are consuming him right now and is having a difficult time talking about it to you. It may or may not have something to do with you but you will have to give him the space that he needs until he is ready to discuss things with you without him getting aggravated. I know that this is very hard to do (I am going to try and do this tonight without crying, I doubt it will happen though) but you have to try and be strong. Good luck and keep me posted!
Author MadKurlz Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 thanks crumbling walls.... I know your right. Thats what I have to do. Not be up his ass and NOT reassure him every minute that I love him and im the one for him. I know it will push him farther away and become a very aggravating and annoying behavior to him. Its just so hard, ya know. I find myself wondering how to act. Ahe I not show that I care? Should I show him how much it hurts me? Should I be a bitch? I just dont know..............the pain is just too much.
CrumblingWalls Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 I know as I sit here crying. I joined in here to help me with my issues. It hurts so damn bad that I don't know what to do either but try my best to give him his space. I am like Jeckyl and Hyde right now because I will talk to him very calmly one minute and the next minute I am bawling my eyes out. I have not slept or ate very well for about a week because of this. I am dying inside and sometimes get tired of trying to hold it all together. He just needs the space and I know it is hard but it will be the best thing.
GB111 Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 Sorry to hear both of your situations. I'm just starting to *truly* recover from a very ugly breakup a couple of months ago. Still not there, but getting there. As I reflect back on what I did and didn't do after the breakup, I recognize one fatal flaw in my attempt to get my ex back. As obvious as it is, I didn't give her the space she wanted when she broke up. Each time I did, she would come back crying and wanting to be with me, but eventually she found another man and is evidently quite happy. I have no doubt in my mind that if I had been more of an adult and backed off, I'd be with her now. I'm not sure that at the end of the day the result would have been any different, but at least we would have been able to give it another chance. I really don't think what either of you are saying is terribly uncommon. It may be the end of the relationship, or it really may just be needing to sort some things out. I don't like the fact that if it's the latter they don't come to you for support, but I don't believe that's a fatal flaw in the relationship. Bottom line is this... Please be more mature than I was and let them have their space. Do not talk about the relationship or where it's going. Try to be the person you really are no matter how difficult it is. If they love you, they will recognize the behaviors and patterns that made them fall in love with you in the first place and reconsider their decision. If not, accept that it was not meant to be and prepare for a difficult journey. Either way, you'll come out a winner in the end! Good luck and best wishes. Having just been through this myself, I know the pain you're feeling. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. We're all with you! Best, GB
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