Jewel Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 I’ve been in this relationship for 3 months (known him for just over a year) – I really think he is the one! I know this sounds strange! But I have never felt this way! Everything about me has changed – I’m affectionate (which use to irritate me), I put his happiness before my own and I do everything with him in mind – and it’s lovely to actually know I can feel these special feelings for someone! The downside is, that I am so insecure and this is totally not in my character or nature to feel this way! I have been in a few relationships and never thought I’d feel this way – so eventually got engaged last year to another guy thinking if I can’t love best I settle down with someone I know really loves me! He was perfect!!! I just didn’t love him the way it should be! So I called the engagement off. Then Mr and I got together, it’s only been 3 months but feels like we’ve been together forever! First hiccup was that he lied to me about his occupation (not that I would’ve thought any less of him) I caught him out and confronted him and he said that he’s not good enough for me – and that he can’t take me away and spoil me like my ex! I assured him that I love him for who he is and that what he does is not an issue for me! After that I caught him lying to again a few times! One occasion he told me he is at his friends place and that he was tired and that he would be going home soon, so he couldn’t see me – it turns out he was actually at one of his other friend’s houses until early hours of the morning! Why lie? Why not just tell me he wants to spend time with his friends? He couldn’t answer me! When we just got together he told me I should tell my ex to stop calling me! My ex had a hard time with the break up, which was hard enough… ex also said I was his only friend and he wanted me to still be there as a friend. Current said that I should tell ex to stop all contact – so I had to be a cow and tell ex I could not speak or see him anymore… took a while for it to sink into ex’s head and current threatened to call him! Eventually ex gave up and that’s that. But now, lastnight – he told me that his ex sent him a message, and I got all upset! The insecurities coming in! She is currently overseas and is coming back in June. They were together for 6 years and broke up because the relationship wasn’t going to the next level and that he didn’t love her enough to get married. He has said that he loves me and that he wants to marry me – we are looking to move in together at the end of the month. So maybe I’m just being silly? Shouldn’t I put my foot down and tell him that he must stop contact with her? Tell him to make a choice like he did with me? My other problem is, now that I reacted in that way – will he go back to lying to me again? He sent me this message on the way home lastnight after our fight… "You are all I ever wanted… And I don’t know when you going to believe that… please drive safe you are all I’ve got… I love you… why are you making a big thing out of nothing… I’m being open and honest with you???” Am I just being insecure??
kbah Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 Hey there, I'd love to offer my advice to you! It sounds like "Mr." has some insecurities of his own. I believe he is purposely lying to you to GIVE YOU REASONS to feel insecure. He is secretly doing things behind your back and lying, hoping that you'll find out and feel akward and as insecure as he does. This goes to show in the texting from the exes. He doesn't like that your ex is around or calls/texts, whatever, but if he was really secure in that you only wanted him...it would not be a bother. I mean there is a point when the ex could get annoying and any person (secure or not) would not like that person around their partner anymore, but you didn't express that the ex was contacting you in an excessive way or amount, so I am assuming your Mr. is just jealous/insecure of the relationship you two had. Then when he goes and tells you that HIS ex texted him???? He is just trying to get payback. I think you need to calmly bring some of these issues up to him and tell him that you do not feel secure and (w/o accusing him) maybe ask or prompt him to tell you if he feels secure. Hopefully he can admit this (a lot of guys cannot), if he can't and this behavior continues...I would either accept the fact that he needs to grow up and is going to deliberately hurt you bc he's not secure---or move on. Hope this helped! (and read my post if ya get a chance...no one has yet,,,sadly:(
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