MadDog Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 The honeymoon period--everyone's experienced it. You start going out with someone and they seem perfect. All their good qualities seem magnified and their shortcomings insignificant. Spending time with them is a blast even if you're not doing anything particularly fun. Everytime the phone rings, you hope it's them calling. Could it be, you've found that perfect match? A vast majority of the time, no, you haven't; you were just in the honeymoon period and were subject to frontal cortex inhibition caused by a biochemical response to getting with someone new. After a while, anywhere from a few weeks to several months later, this period ends and you start realizing they're not perfect afterall. This is where most serious relationships actually begin because your relationship depends on personalities that work well together as opposed to just neurotransmitters. My questions are: 1. How long does the honeymoon period generally last for you? 2. Does it normally end gradually or were there specific incidents that caused it to all come crashing down (e.g. the person you were with acted especially bitch-like or a**h***-like and you realized they weren't so cool afterall)? 3. Does the honeymoon period seem to last the same length of time regardless of whether it's your 1st or 10th relationship or does it tend to get shorter as you experience it with different people?
Kittiecat Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 1. About a month -- two max. 2. It was always one particular incident -- then you see that person in a certain light and everything becomes clearer. Usually this is a good thing. 3. For me with each relationship the honeymoon period gets shorter and shorter. Maybe it's because I know what's coming and I know the person isn't perfect and so I start looking for all the imperfections just so they're out in the open. My only fear is that one day I will no longer enjoy honeymoon phases at all...I guess that's when you're officially "bitter," right?
Big_A Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 1. How long does the honeymoon period generally last for you? It depends. I had a relationship that started as an LDR. During that 6 months we were in a honeymoon period. That ended when we moved close to each other. 2. Does it normally end gradually or were there specific incidents that caused it to all come crashing down (e.g. the person you were with acted especially bitch-like or a**h***-like and you realized they weren't so cool afterall)? Again, I have experienced both. Generally if it ends quickly it is incident related, often an argument. If the honeymoon period lasts a long time it is usually ended by a gradual accumulation of little things, like dirty dishes, stinky bathrooms, or realizing that you just feel like getting away for the night and hanging out with your friends. Those are parts of our personality that we often supress from people in the very beginning. 3. Does the honeymoon period seem to last the same length of time regardless of whether it's your 1st or 10th relationship or does it tend to get shorter as you experience it with different people? I haven’t seen any relation to the number of relationships I’ve had. Although I find that as I learn more about the things I like and want I am attracted to people with whom the honeymoon period lasts longer because we are more compatible.
kitkat826 Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 I've heard that three months is about average. In my current relationship, we are at 3.5 months and, I would say, still in the honeymoon phase in a lot of ways. We have had our not-so-rosy moments, but we have dealt with them openly and efficiently and always returned back to being "in love". I think the rough patches are results of us being as close to our "true" selves as possible, allowing for a healthy relationship over all.
Author MadDog Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 Thanks for the good responses so far, keep them coming. It looks like the honeymoon period experience is greatly influenced by your expectations and the type of person you're with. It makes sense that it would last longer in a long distance relationship since it takes longer to get to know the person. Also, since you spend a lot less time physically together, it stays newer longer. kitkat, you sound like you've got a good thing going on there. If you're going 3+ months and reality has set it but most of the time, it still feels like the honeymoon period, that's pretty damn good.
enoughisenough Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 I actually didn't feel much of a honeymoon period with any of my prior relationships, but one. The only real lust in the beginning of the relationship and really exceeding over 6-7 months I've felt was with the person I'm with now. The other guys, I didn't really have much of a connection to want to do anything with. It's strange how all that works. And it's also strange how you can be dating a really attractive guy and he feels more like a brother to you. It's like a strange sense. Probably something to do with the pheromones or smell sense I heard about in the past that brings about attraction. I guess the other guys stunk? lol Or maybe they were too clean to smell anything. I guess that's how Kevin Federline gets all those women. Never takes a bath to wash off all those pheromones.
gnome Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 The girl I've been seeing, hung out with me for nearly 6 months prior to our relationship, so as far as time goes weve known each other for 8 months about. In the two months weve been seeing each other, weve built a relationship thats been extremely strong, and I would have to say that we actually passed or are phasing out of the honeymoon phase now. Weve been able to establish such a large amount in so little time, I've never experienced a relationship this good before quite honestly, and she meets and exceeds all of my needs/wants as far as a person goes.....during the first month she even sat with me while she told me what qualities she thought made her a bad person (who does that?!) - the only problem weve had thus far is a slight bit of doubt entering in, since this is for both us the first relationship thats been this good to us, and we were just confused as to whether we were fooling ourselves, or that we really something as good as we thought! Sometimes I feel pretty bad about letting doubt enter in, and we both even looked for flaws in the things we did together, just looking for a sign of weakness - I guess we thought we were fooling ourselves =[ Although we didnt find any, I really was hoping to never find any, and I wanted to continue to feel as good as I did about what we have. So, I say...... if this is as good as it feels, we should be able to take our time together and if its something thats meant to be, it will! Gratitude is much better fitting that doubt =]
BeyondTheOutside Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 1. 1-2 months 2. gradually fazed off. But I noticed it was gone and was very confused and worried. Then I realised what was happening and faced up to whether I wanted to pursue something serious. 3. Not enough experience I'm afraid! Only the 1
Author MadDog Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 Sometimes I feel pretty bad about letting doubt enter in, and we both even looked for flaws in the things we did together, just looking for a sign of weakness - I guess we thought we were fooling ourselves =[ You two sound like you're a good match. I'd try not to worry so much about how things might not actually be as good as they seem and just enjoy the smooth sailing. If you have 10 days of perfect weather in a row, you don't sit at the beach worrying that tomorrow's weather is probably not going to be as good, right?
riobikini Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 Generally speaking, the so-called 'honeymoon period' lasts, for me, about 3-4 months. But, as one experienced poster has already pointed out, it does get shorter, the better-skilled you (I) become in knowing how to spot the red flags that signal unacceptable or mismatched traits/characteristics and behavior, and have great potential for destruction, and which will likely, remain problematic in the relationship. It seems we're all a little 'addicted' to the 'feel-good' high of a new relationship, (who doesn't like to feel happy and carefree?), -but it's submitting to those emotions without heeding the signals of your gut instincts, accumulative knowledge of your experiences, and what you've gathered about your partner (is he/she prone to sudden anger/violence, lack of responsibility, overall immaturity? etc.) that normally lands us in a relationship that offers us nothing but disappointment, confusion, and heartache. And anyone can get sucked in. It doesn't matter if your CEO in a world-renowned company, or Miss Mabel Do-Right at the bookstore. Your intelligence quotient has little to do with how quickly or deeply you can get mired into one of these 'unhealthy', or just 'bad' relationships, -although your background schemata (life experiences, along with genetic or emotional predisposition in regards to relationships with other humans) does have a significant bearing. The specific time-line of your life when you happen to encounter the relationship, also has a bearing on your susceptibility, -for example: do you feel pressured by having married friends to have a relationship? Do you feel your internal time-clock ticking away? Or are you recovering from another relationship in which you were deeply emotionally involved? All these things -and others- could have influence on how quickly you latch on to your next relationship, however unexpected. For me, I find that no matter how much older I become, the 'wise' stuff I know about myself, as well as what I know (or think I know) about relationships, is just as difficult to *implement* when I encounter these powerful romantic emotions, as when I was a very young girl. The *only difference is the quicker recall* of past experience and knowledge coming to my rescue, throwing up some almighty red flags when necessary. I'd have to be blind not to see them. And, yet, sometimes, -I am. I do just like the rest of you: I ignore them all, choose live in the moment, and *fail myself*. We are all human. We are all subject. And we're all -deep down- looking for love. (Smile) Take care. -Rio
Curmudgeon Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 First marriage, maybe a couple of months. Current marriage, five to six years. Perhaps the latter is because we were both older (48 and 50) and love-starved. Perhaps it's because we were/are madly in love. Perhaps it's because we're simply right for one another and a good match. Even now, approaching our 10th anniversary, we're still very much in love. We've settled-in to our marriage but still romance one another regularly. IO highly recommend it.
SuperMonk Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 1. How long does the honeymoon period generally last for you? If she's not exactly what I want, about 1-2 months. If she's almost exactly what I want about 2-3 months. 2. Does it normally end gradually or were there specific incidents that caused it to all come crashing down (e.g. the person you were with acted especially bitch-like or a**h***-like and you realized they weren't so cool afterall)? It either ends both ways depending if I'm really into her or not. If I'm not into her, it's probably some things that I do not like about her that will probably never go away. If I'm into her, the things that bother me are actually a positive point for me. 3. Does the honeymoon period seem to last the same length of time regardless of whether it's your 1st or 10th relationship or does it tend to get shorter as you experience it with different people? Like many of my answers, IT DEPENDS fool.
2020vision Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 1. It truely depends on who I am dating. Although, I have not had a chance to have any honeymoon periods latey, so who knows. But, the honeymoon period lasted for like a year with my ex. Totally had the blinders on with that one..lol 2. I was dating this guy about 2 months ago, and things were going pretty good for about a month. When, we were about to do the horizontal mombo for the first time and he starts playing all this really loud rock music....and says thats the only way he can get in the mood...LOL deal breaker! 3.My honeymoon period has gotten way shorter...Like 2 hours now when I go out on dates...perhaps I need to open up a bit more, but I have standards that no one seems to be meeting. -2020
SoleMate Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 I've been with my bf for two years and we still feel like it's a honeymoon. It's a 50% LDR - we are separated every other week. We both came into the r/s in a love-starved state, similar to Curmudgeon. He is 36 and I am 43. There are two types of honeymoon - the "chemical" honeymoon, based on dopamine/oxytocin/etc., and the emotional honeymoon, based on the way you treat each other. Obviously there is a lot of overlap and blurring. I do think our chemical honeymoon has faded off somewhat...but the emotional one is still going strong. We're both very aware of the value of this r/s, and we take extra effort to make it work, avoid hurting each other, and avoid those petty annoyances as well. There have been no "@$$h0!e" moments.
Author MadDog Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 3.My honeymoon period has gotten way shorter...Like 2 hours now when I go out on dates...perhaps I need to open up a bit more, but I have standards that no one seems to be meeting. Geeze. 2 hours? I'm sure if you met someone who meets a lot of your criteria, then it'll last longer than that. You've probably just been dating guys that are obviously not your ideal so you stop seeing them in that perfect light pretty early. I just thought of something. If you dated lots of people at the same time (let's say 5 or more), and things are going pretty well with all of them, could you be in the honeymoon period with all of them and see them all as being perfect? That'd be pretty sweet.
Vertex Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 MadDog: That would be pretty sweet. In general though, I think the honeymoon period lasts for maybe 3 months on average. It lasts longer if you are in a long-distance relationship, I'd say. You have more time to hold onto images in your head and less time to spend in person to destroy said images, resulting in a longer period of idealizing. My honeymoon period lasted for about 5 months with a person who I could see daily, and about a year in the LDR.
2020vision Posted May 22, 2006 Posted May 22, 2006 Geeze. 2 hours? I'm sure if you met someone who meets a lot of your criteria, then it'll last longer than that. You've probably just been dating guys that are obviously not your ideal so you stop seeing them in that perfect light pretty early. Exactly. I was actually talking to my mom about this a while back. And she said, when you are truley in love there is no such thing as a honeymoon period. Everyday feels like the honeymoon. She says she has found the love of her life with my stepdad...so who knows. Its not like I can prove her wrong just yet. So, perhaps , with all successful relationships this is how it is. One can only hope!
Author MadDog Posted May 22, 2006 Author Posted May 22, 2006 MadDog: That would be pretty sweet. In general though, I think the honeymoon period lasts for maybe 3 months on average. It lasts longer if you are in a long-distance relationship, I'd say. You have more time to hold onto images in your head and less time to spend in person to destroy said images, resulting in a longer period of idealizing. My honeymoon period lasted for about 5 months with a person who I could see daily, and about a year in the LDR. That's true about the long distance honeymoon period lasting longer. My last relationship was an LDR and although we had problems even after a few months, I still got the butterflies when I saw her a good 6 months in. I doubt it would have lasted half of that if we saw each other all the time. Exactly. I was actually talking to my mom about this a while back. And she said, when you are truley in love there is no such thing as a honeymoon period. Everyday feels like the honeymoon. She says she has found the love of her life with my stepdad...so who knows. I think believing the honeymoon period as it exists in the first weeks to month of relationship will last forever is a little unrealistic. You might be in love with the person indefinately but I don't think you'll have the same physiological response you do as with a new person. It's all in the neurology.
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