Guest Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 Hi I am new here , and was reading some posts. I would like to share my story so that maybe some of you who are betrayed spouses can get an insight into to mind of a wayward spouse. I am a MWF, who will be 40 this summer. I have been married for almost 20 years and have 2 teenagers. Generally my marraige has been good. We all know that as time goes by the passion is not what it once was and that we all tend to become comfortable and don't always put our best foot forward. For about six months DH and I have gone out with a bunch of people he works with once a week to play pool. This guy who works in the same division as my H started coming in and we hit it of immediately and became good friends. Until about 2 months ago, I had never seen him in regular clothes only his uniform, as he usually comes to pool straight from work. Anyhow, he walks in in regular clothes and it was like wow!!!! Anyhow, after a few beers I ended up dancing with him ( all the couples were dancing and we ended up together that round). DH and some of the others decided to play anyone round of pool and we decided to play darts( in another room). Well, I suck and he put his arm around my waist and was trying to teach me to throw with my other hand I missed we laughed and then kissed. My H was in the next room, very stupid. I pulled back and walked outside, he followed we kissed again. I was so attrracted to him. We went back in and spent the rest of the night talking with eveyone else. He gave me the customary hug goodbye. I felt guilty and thought that was the end of it. He called me the next day and said we needed to talk about the previous night. I agreed. (opportunity #1 to back out) I lied to my H and said I was going out with some work collegues. We meet for dinner, he said that he had strong feelings for me and wanted to start seeing me. I said that I wanted him to think about it for a few days, since technically my H is his boss' boss and he could be in trouble, and the fact that he was in the middle of a divorce. He agreed, but then asked if I wanted to go for a walk along the river (Opportunity #2 to back out). I agreed. We ended up making out in the moonlight and decided to go bakc to his place. Well, we did it. It was fanstastic. He asked to see me again two days later. I agree (Opportunity #3-could have left it at a one night stand). We continued to see each other and have sex every 2 or 3 days, so now it is a full blown affair. He goes away on business last week and I decide to end it. I am sick of the lying and deciet. We met when he got back yesterday. He wants he to leave me H. I said no and the affair is over, it is not fair to either or us. He did not take it well and I am waiting to see what happens next. I asked myself several questions: 1. Why an affair now? - I had chances before and never took them. Never wanted too. Part of it is mid-life crisis, and empty nest, and the fact I got married at 20 but it is NOT an excuse. 2. Do I still love my H?- Yes, I do. I need to work on the falling in love part again 3. Was it about sex?- Partly-but I was satisfied w/my H prior to the affair. Since the affair, I am not. He is selfish ,a tad rough in bed, and good for one time . Where OM was gentle lots of caresses, took his time,a nd could go several times. What was more satisfying about the affair was the emotionally and intellectuall level we connected on. Dh is a guys guy and has limited interests, Where Om was widely read and is not threatened by my intellect. 4. Can the marriage still work? - Yes, but we need to start to appreciating each other. 5. Will I stray again? - Nope overall it sucks. I guess the long and short of it for betrayed spouses, it that you did nothing wrong. It is all the fault of the cheater.
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