Guest Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 I still do not understand how women have so much faith in a married man's honesty.. I will never get that. Women are too gullible. If he was telling the truth, he'd be divorced already, not still married. Don't be reeled in by a creep.
Author Torn Up Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 If you don't want gossip spread, then DONT LEAK IT! Especially at the workplace where things get so boring, people with too much time on their hands will gossip about anything and everything, especially workplace lovers. They both had a fallout (torn and girl at work), which I'm sure was on her part as well. It therefore has LITTLE to do with double-standards. It's the point that she pissed her off and this girl is angry at her. If you read her second post, the girl WAS WELL AWARE of the circumstances involved. Let me ask you something, Enough. Are you as illiterate as you are obnoxious? If you had read my original post thoroughly, provided you have the congnitive ability, you should had understood that I foolishly confided in a female co-worker (who, by the way happens to be my neighbor as well), whom I THOUGHT was a friend. But hey...I'm not the only one she sucked in. There are others she stabbed, and it was during one of her "stab" jobs of another co-worker that she and I had our fallout. I didn't like what she did and let her know it. The female I overheard spewing her poison over the phone is NOT the same female. I'm fairly certain I was clear on this. This female and I aren't very close...just the usual co-worker pleasantries, but not somebody I'd confide in. Where she heard about my affair is anybody's guess...I had no clue she knew and I guess that's why I'm spinning on this. Over-reacting, you say? Tell ya what....the next time somebody throws up one of YOUR mistakes (and I KNOW you have a few under your belt...we all do), just remember as your anger starts to surface that you found it fit to stand in judgement of ME for mine. Now, with that said...I've got another question for ya. Are you a bitter BS, a dumped girlfriend (or boyfriend)...or just generally miserable? You see, I'm really NOT in the mood for your callous crap this evening. None of the women here are. We've been through enough. So please, kindly take your half-baked opinion(s) elsewhere. ~Torn~
lovernotafighter Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 torn up I completely understand as well. my MM and I have so much gossip swirling around about us we don't even know how to take it..and neither of us has said a peep. but it must be so obvious to every one. people say little things to us both and we repeat it to each other and shake our heads..it's amazing people are so worried about every one else's business..don't these people have a life of their own or what?
Author Torn Up Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 You know, not only did I have to put up with this stuff from my exMM's W (in public - in front of her children), from his daughter (in public - in front of my children), my exMM's W's sister also called me a slut as she walked past me in the school hallway. And her H was standing right there. I heard him say something to her as they went down the hall to not do that. But I also knew that HER husband had cheated on her many times!!! Do you know what that's like? Having to shut your mouth and put up with the crap that comes out of their mouths knowing full well her H was doing this to her and she didn't have a clue!!! I would've loved to have thrown that in her face! But I'm not gonna be the one to be blamed for the mess that would ensue afterwards, because I'm sure I would be blamed once again. Instead, I just kept walking, kept my head up, and continued on my way. A lot of people in this town have watched my exMM's W goad me at our children's baseball or basketball games, purposely striding up to someone who sat right next to me, and talk loudly about what her H and she were doing, making up little stories, lying. She just couldn't stay away. She tried everything to make me as uncomfortable as possible. Not once did I ever do anything. And you know what? People in the town eventually came to respect me for not acting like a childish idiot. They knew what she was doing and they knew she was ruthless. But in the end, I earned their respect. And I didn't have to do a thing except take the high road. It will happen for you too. Most people can see the forest through the trees when things like this happen. You just can't expect the ones close to them to have any couth whatsoever because they know not of what they speak. I'm still proud of you!! Chin up, Sweetie!! Movn'...you are nothing less than a champion, my dear. Have you any idea how much strength and class you have? You know, you don't have to do anything to shed bad light on the W, she's doing a bang-up job on her own! I can't help but wonder what her kids REALLY think while watching their mother make a fool out of herself, but too ignorant to realize it. I guess stupidity prohibits one from realizing they're acting, well...STUPID. As I said to IW, your story brings me inspiration although I am so sorry you had to endure this kind of abuse and pain. Also, I want to thank you for standing up for me tonight. There will always be "Enough's" in this world to cast stones, but that's alright. Only *we* have the facts, the truth (finally!), and those who don't but still see it fit to stand in judgement can take a speedy trip to hell as far as I'm concerned. I'm sorry...I'm not usually this sharp-tongued, but it's been a terrible day and I'm still reeling from it. Perhaps I'll be nicer tomorrow???? ~Torn~
Author Torn Up Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 Torn Up..... You have EVERY right to your anger. You were judged very harshly which is something I have zero tolerance for!! One thing these types of people don't realize is.... The term "What goes around, comes around" is a spiritual law that applies to those who are judging another! In other words, it won't come back to you, but karma will be played on them. They will feel you pain one day, in an experience they probably said "I would NEVER do that"......Never say never! Its tough having to work with such morsel minds such as these people, but know you are wiser for all of your struggles. *Big hug* Thank you so much for this, Reality. Despite my....somber mood tonight, your comment about "What goes around, comes around" being a spiritual law that applies to those that are judging others brought a grin to my face. They basically shot themselves with their own arrows!! Another verse that comes to mind is..."The ruler of which you use to judge others shall be the ruler used to judge you." If that's the case, there's some busy people out there in neck-deep trouble, so it seems. Ah, you've brought a smile to my face, Reality. THANK YOU!! See, that's why I come here, why I love this board and the women here. It's the one place I can come to and vent without the fear of being showered with stones. Can't tell you how grateful I am for this board and the people here. ~Torn~
enoughisenough Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 "Let me ask you something, Enough. Are you as illiterate as you are obnoxious? If you had read my original post thoroughly, provided you have the congnitive ability, " Grow up. Wow, all the personal attacks. I love it when people start showing their TRUE colors. With your attitude, I can see why she "sticks it to you". A "work" friend is not a real friend hunny. That's your mistake. And it doesn't sound like you had much to offer in the friendship category either. "Are you a bitter BS, a dumped girlfriend (or boyfriend)...or just generally miserable?" When you grow up, nix the childish attacks and start taking responsibility for your behavior, let me know. I won't wait til the next ice age though.. YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH NOTHING!!! compared with the man you've been screwing's wife! Get over your pity party. "AW, a woman at work said something bad about me.. I think I will cry on and on for days and days".. You sound like a woman who has went through nothing in her entire life. You really need to toughen up quick. You would never make it if you were the scorned wife...
enoughisenough Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 "There will always be "Enough's" in this world to cast stones, but that's alright. Only *we* have the facts, the truth (finally!), and those who don't but still see it fit to stand in judgement can take a speedy trip to hell as far as I'm concerned." What kind of judgment is it to speak for god and say someone is going to hell? You really are the "witch" of your work. I won't even stoop that low girly.
enoughisenough Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 "Despite my....somber mood tonight, your comment about "What goes around, comes around" being a spiritual law that applies to those that are judging others brought a grin to my face. They basically shot themselves with their own arrows!! Another verse that comes to mind is..."The ruler of which you use to judge others shall be the ruler used to judge you." IT sure did come around, didn't it? Must be why everyone hates you at work. You sound like such a negative and hateful person and you wonder why people don't want to have anything to do with you there? WOW! It puts a "grin" to your face that other people will have harm put to them? You are one piece of work.
Author Torn Up Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 people say little things to us both and we repeat it to each other and shake our heads..it's amazing people are so worried about every one else's business..don't these people have a life of their own or what? Well, if they do have a life, apparently they aren't content with it. Apparently they need some "action" to spice it up and unfortunately, they look to others who DO have a life to fill their obvious void. Pathetic, isn't it? Hell, I have so much going on most the time I haven't time to take notice of what others are doing. And when I do notice, I take it in stride unless somebody is getting hurt or worse.... Other than that, I firmly believe that we all have the right to live our own lives. I believe that we sometimes have to shoot in the dark and hope that our aim is accurate. And when we miss, we hope others will understand, will support us in our failure. I believe that most people do the best they can with what they're given. Life can be hard sometimes and we aren't born with a manual to provide us with all the answers. It would be great if that were the case, but it's not, so we have to seek the answers to the best of our ability which will lead us to make many mistakes and successes along the way. People will always make mistakes. I understand this...God knows I've made more than my share. But it's the people who JUST took a stumble on their own path only to turn around and focus on the stumbles of others that I have NO patience with. We're all in this together... ~Torn~
enoughisenough Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 "You know, you don't have to do anything to shed bad light on the W, she's doing a bang-up job on her own!" Why would the OW want to shed bad light onto the W in the first place? I can't help but wonder what her kids REALLY think while watching their mother make a fool out of herself, but too ignorant to realize it. I guess stupidity prohibits one from realizing they're acting, well...STUPID. No, it's emotions. I have a feeling that IF you actually opened your mouth in real life to lash out at some of these people, you would definitely make a fool out of yourself. Way too much hate and arrogance to say anything even on the verge of maturity.
Author Torn Up Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 IT sure did come around, didn't it? Must be why everyone hates you at work. You sound like such a negative and hateful person and you wonder why people don't want to have anything to do with you there? WOW! GOTCHA!!! Yep, you're as I thought. A miserable person, that much is clear. Well, me dear...you've got my sympathy. Hope life gets better for you. Peace out, ~Torn~
enoughisenough Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 Yeah and a lot of us are in the same boat, including you. Unfortunately we only get one side of the story. If it bothers you to that extent, yeah I think it's time to get a new job. If you are the type to actually have the guts to act out on revenge and really need it to move on.. on the last day of work, you could always write an email or letter to each person at the workplace a portion of the true story (even if be so a warning).. he'll then be harrassed and embarassed for months. We'll see how much they talk about you when you are gone? Not at all.. all negative attention will then be diverted to him. Ever think about just kindly approaching this woman (refrain from the witch comments or negative attitude when doing this) and just letting her in on the true story. You can tell her that you happened to overhear her conversation yesterday and want to set it straight. She'll probably then pass on that info to others when given the chance to chat.
Author Torn Up Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 including he'll then be harrassed and embarassed for months. We'll see how much they talk about you when you are gone? Not at all.. all negative attention will then be diverted to him. As should be... See, I'm kicking myself for ever falling into this. You know, believing his lies, and in doing so, innocent people were badly hurt. He had his cake and ate it to, at the expense of his wife, his daughter, and me. His wife is a wonderful woman, she truly is. She has handled this with dignity and class. Which brings me to this.... I love your idea of sending emails to all my co-workers. I think it's brilliant and he would have it coming. BUT...to do so would expose what a loser he is, how manipulative and cunning he is, which would then reflect on his family. The gossip would not only turn on him, but on his wife as well. She would be looked down upon for taking him back, for choosing to stay with him. Now, I don't understand why she made the choice she did, but I respect it just the same. It's not my place to judge her...but I honestly feel horrible for her. She deserves so much more. Should I expose him for what he is, she will suffer public humilation as well, and really, this woman has been put through enough hell. This is SO frustrating because I badly want to speak out, to expose him for what he did, for what he IS, but she'd take the hit as well. I can't do that to her. Thank you for the suggestion, Enough. Much appreciated. You're right, I think it's time for me to look for another job. Sorry for my sharp words tonight. This has really rocked my world....and I hurt. ~Torn~
enoughisenough Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 I'm sorry as well. My comments were out of hand. I'm not sure what to do either. I'm sure the wife looks bad enough that she is still with him. BUT... you can also think of it as warning other women of the company that he might target. He'll probably pull the same lines to someone else in the future and inflict more pain. Afterall you are already #4. At least his wife doesn't have to work there. Is this in a small town? And I wonder what this guy told people at your work? I wonder..
Author Torn Up Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 I'm sorry as well. My comments were out of hand. I'm not sure what to do either. I'm sure the wife looks bad enough that she is still with him. BUT... you can also think of it as warning other women of the company that he might target. He'll probably pull the same lines to someone else in the future and inflict more pain. Afterall you are already #4. At least his wife doesn't have to work there. Is this in a small town? And I wonder what this guy told people at your work? I wonder.. I've absolutely no doubt he'll run these lines (lies) on another woman in the future. The fact that I'm number 4 (damn, how BLIND could I have been???), I think we can safely dub him a serial cheater. Most likely, he's playing the devoted hubby right now, waiting for the dust to settle and for her to let her guard down. The minute she does, he'll once again have free reign to go out and do it again. The things she told me made me sick to my stomach. She said that a few years back she got an envelope from the local newpaper. Within she found an add he had written soliciting "female friends" for "companionship." He had also submitted a p.o. box she didn't know he had for the responses to his add to be sent to. But the newpaper screwed up and sent the confirmation to their house instead of the p.o. box. And still...she stuck with him. He's a real work of art, isn't he?? I often wondered what he was telling people as well. You know he's glossing over the truth....fabricating things to make himself look good. Because, afterall, it's always about *HIM.* He has caused SO much damage to others.... What a jerk. ~Torn~
enoughisenough Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 She should fill out one of those forwarding cards and drop it in the mailbox. They might have one for the po box (im not sure) to forward all mail to the home. But since he's cheated 4 times, not much new she would learn. She knows it all by now and seems to be fine with it, since she's still with him. It's so terrible. She must just be with him for his money and stability? Fear of being alone and independent? I don't know. I guess he found the perfect doormat wife for him. I would fear to be wound up in such a rotten relationship. Maybe one day she'll get the courage to step out on her own and take this guy for all he's worth. Did she sound hurt on the phone? What was her reaction and how did she find out about you two?
Author Torn Up Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 She should fill out one of those forwarding cards and drop it in the mailbox. They might have one for the po box (im not sure) to forward all mail to the home. But since he's cheated 4 times, not much new she would learn. She knows it all by now and seems to be fine with it, since she's still with him. It's so terrible. She must just be with him for his money and stability? Fear of being alone and independent? I don't know. I guess he found the perfect doormat wife for him. I would fear to be wound up in such a rotten relationship. Maybe one day she'll get the courage to step out on her own and take this guy for all he's worth. Did she sound hurt on the phone? What was her reaction and how did she find out about you two? Actually, most of our (she and I) conversations took place face to face. She found out about us because he told her. But he wouldn't tell her who I was. So, she put on her detective hat (something she's well experienced at with a husband that is a habitual cheater), and pieced it together until it led to me. I think it's sad that she's had to learn these skills. Some things people should NEVER have to get good at. And this is one of them. He moved out of the house and into a RV park. And it is there I had my first face to face contact with her...with him present. That is a night I will NEVER forget. It was shear hell, for both she and I. And it was that night I learned that everything he told me was a lie. They had never agreed to a mutual divorce...hadn't even discussed the topic of divorce, in fact....that she did not, nor ever had, a boyfriend as he had claimed...that they were in fact having sex - something he claimed hadn't taken place in over a year, that he was sleeping in the spare bedroom, and that I was affair number 4. It is also the night I learned about the newspaper add and the po box...something he didn't deny. She also told me she always knew when he was having an affair because his mood became...in her words...."giddy." And she always knew when the affair was over because he became...."moody and depressed." She said his affair with me was by far the most serious. She said on a scale of 1 to 10 after the affair was over, his depression was in the "4's." She said this time around, he hit a "10." He threatened to commit suicide, the whole nine yards. It was truly horrible, for all of us. You would think she'd hate me for being the OW. But that wasn't (isn't) the case at all. Despite this horrible situation, we actually liked one another. I think she fully knew that I was sucked in, that I was lied to. I think she knew that I wasn't the kind of woman to get involved with a married man who was STILL committed to his marriage. But I will tell you that this affair about killed her. She lost a lot of weight, ended up on anti-anxiety medication, and couldn't sleep. She even went so far as dying her hair blonde (my color) in attempt to attract him back. Why does she stay with him? Good question! She is a very mild-mannered, soft spoken woman who has made her family and their needs her life. She has never been on her own and I'm sure the thought of it terrified her. She's always been taken care of (went from living with her father to MM), and I think she'd rather put up with his cheating than face the unknown. But yeah, I'm with you. I'd rather face ANYTHING than being stuck in a horrible relationship like that. Being alone doesn't scare me. What scares the hell out of me is waking up at the age of 70 every morning to a man laying next to me who I grew to loathe but too old to do anything about it. ::::shudder::::: ~Torn~
movinon05 Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 Movn'...you are nothing less than a champion, my dear. Have you any idea how much strength and class you have? You know, you don't have to do anything to shed bad light on the W, she's doing a bang-up job on her own! I can't help but wonder what her kids REALLY think while watching their mother make a fool out of herself, but too ignorant to realize it. I guess stupidity prohibits one from realizing they're acting, well...STUPID. As I said to IW, your story brings me inspiration although I am so sorry you had to endure this kind of abuse and pain. Also, I want to thank you for standing up for me tonight. There will always be "Enough's" in this world to cast stones, but that's alright. Only *we* have the facts, the truth (finally!), and those who don't but still see it fit to stand in judgement can take a speedy trip to hell as far as I'm concerned. I'm sorry...I'm not usually this sharp-tongued, but it's been a terrible day and I'm still reeling from it. Perhaps I'll be nicer tomorrow???? ~Torn~ Thank you and you are welcome. I've always believed even before experiencing it that there is no room in this world for gossipers. As for her children, she goaded them as well and encouraged them to take whatever stabs they could at me. Which I think is despicable. I always told my children to stay out of it and they did. The sad thing is that all the while they were doing this, thinking they had "won" because he was home and assuming it was over, he was still seeing me. Truly living the double life. Ah well, water under the bridge. And you, Miss, you have such a wonderful BF!!! Hang on tight to that man!! I am truly blessed and humbled to be among all of you wonderful women. Just remember - "You'll Never Walk Alone". (((Hugs)))
Recommended Posts