aloneinthis Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 Looking for support or answers, (wont get that in the infidility forum) not sure where I can find it! Husband has cheated on me at least 3 times, THAT I KNOW OF. I am sure there were more, and still are. In over a decade of marriage, I have never cheated, or came close to it. I refused to do that, even through all the pain he put me through. Flash forward to today. I found out about another woman he was seeing in March, he said he ended it. (She works at the bank and he is ALWAYS going there) Not so sure he did. I was not looking to cheat, just get over the pain and start again. Then, I found him, my other man. My god, he makes me smile, laugh, feel so good about myself. He can not figure out why my H would cheat on me because I am beautiful and amazing (he says). I eat it up. I have known him for years, he knows my H and my situation. Now, I find myself in a full blown affair with him. Yes, it is wrong, I know, he knows, but I feel justified. I also feel horrible about the fact that he is about 10 years younger than me (hes 21). I feel like I am taking advantage of him, but he assures me he knows what he is doing. He is single, never married, no children. I am awful. I feel no regrets for what I do. I feel sad when I am not with him. He said he has it really bad for me, always has, and I feel the same way. Now, I dont care what my H does. He could have 20 affairs, I dont care. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? This is so new to me! I gave him (OM) the chance of backing out, of course he said no, he doesnt want it to end. I cant see him all the time, only about 2 a week. I think me feelings are growing deeper day by day. How do I control that??
movinon05 Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I guess first of all, I'm curious? Why are you staying with a H who continuously has affairs? Its obvious that you fell into this because of what your H has done. And no wonder! Its nice to actually laugh and feel good about yourself. Its just a shame its not coming from your H!! I shouldn't say it, but it serves him right. I'd be careful with someone so young though. I don't want to knock younger people, but he is quite young and probably doesn't have much life experience. I don't know what to tell you. You're finding out that you are a real human being with feelings and someone is finally treating you that way. But it seems to me you need to make decisions about your M and what YOU want in your life. Can you at least answer why you're still in the M?
MarnieGirl Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 When two married people are continuously seeing other people, it's time to let the marriage go.
scarletletter Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I agree that the marriage should really be looked at as far as why are you continuing with it? I am really not one to judge in that area because I am a married woman having an affair with a married man. My emotionally abusive husband drove me to it. Why don't I leave? It's just not that simple, but it is going to happen soon. I hate to see someone else doing the same thing that I am doing because I know how miserable it can be to be in a loveless marriage trying to hold on for the sake of the children. I am one who believes that you should do whatever makes you happy. Is the affair you are having making you happy...sounds like it. Is someone going to get terribally hurt over it? Maybe. It would be so much easier to just get a divorce first. Don't know why I haven't taken my own advice.
Author aloneinthis Posted May 19, 2006 Author Posted May 19, 2006 Why dont I divorce? Because it is easier not to for me. I dont want to lose the house, move out of town, uproot the kids from their school and so on. I dont want the affair to go on forever, and I know that I am, in a sense, in control of the affair because of the age difference. That is what bothers me. It has also become a PA and even after everything my H did bad to me, I cant help but feeling like a slut, but in the moment, it feels so right. My H can be very verbally abusive, then turn around and be Mr. Nice guy. Its plays with my head and my heart. My OM, does not act this way. He appreciates every little thing I do, and he tells me. He remembers things I say, silly things I do. Looks into my eyes and tells me how beautiful I am. Its like I am 100% perfect in his eyes and in my H eyes I can never do anything right. This has happened so fast, that I am pulling back and waiting a while to see him again. I have to collect my thoughts. I know someone out there can relate!
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