fell off the bandwagon. again.

[Jessie61]

Tell me about it!

 

*waving at you across the Channel*

 

Thanks, Sami, it is a complete bummer to wake up and realised you MISSED it all.... AGAIN!!!!

 

*waving back - using my freshly baked baguette!!!!*

[Jessie61]

And it IS that, in one way of looking at things. But then, if you look at things that way, any smile or kind word is a 'manipulation tactic'!

 

The reality of it is that, not only is NC incredibly difficult to do, it is also letting go of them. It's saying... this is me, and this is what I will/won't accept... you (MM) may do as you like, but I'm through with this.

 

NC is allowing them to come to their own conclusion.

 

And you know that yourself... otherwise you, arch-manipulator that you fear yourself to be... would actually have done NC already, 'knowing' that 'it works'.

 

NC only works if being with you is what they truly want.

 

Having the leap of faith in them and yourself to do NC... is not about manipulating... it's about the opposite... letting go, and seeing what happens.

 

AND IT IS SCARY.

 

I smiled when I read this because I have often said the same thing about any act of kindness potentially being manipulation... My immediate example is me sitting on front of the telly waiting for my favourite programme to start 2 minutes later. Then my friend's 3 year old son comes running in screaming because he has hurt his knee... What do I do? Of course I comfort him and "blow it better". Why? Because I want to be kind to him, but also BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO MISS THE PROGRAMME!!! Manipulation? Yes, it could be. Everything we do towards each other could potentially be manipulation. Perhaps it is the real intent which determines what's what??? (Sorry, I digress and this is where I get confused myself.... answers on a postcard, please!)

 

Anyway, NC is about letting go, I think. NC for me was about my own sanity, and letting go was the only way that I could save it. "MM, you do what you have to do, and I will do what I have to do..." Then it remains to be seen how it ends...?

 

All you can do is to hope for the best and prepare for the worst????

 

But in the end NC DOES work; you will be out of the A, either with him or with the rest of your future ahead of you???? Either way, surely it is a result...? Without it, NOTHING will happen!

 

PS. Sami and Movinon, thanks for your best wishes about my own "Sorry Saga"!!! I am quietly confident but I am certainly not counting my chickens.... I will keep you posted...