basscatcher Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I've noticed that its going on two weeks and Charlie hasn't even tried to contact me. It was nice at first because it gave me the space I was craving and it was nice that he finally realized I wasn't happy in the relationship with him because of a lack of interpersonal communication and affection. But, its it normal for contact type men to easily go so aloof? He is the one who initiated 98% of the phone calls, dates, etc. He is the one who showered me with gifts in the first few months. For being together for 7 months it sure seems easy for him to just accept and walk away after everything. It's a weird feeling now. No I don't want to get back together with him. Although, there is a part of me that really misses the attention. He didn't even contact me to wish me a Happy Mothers Day. I heard from a few other X's (who are associate friends only.) I have been thinking that I really DIDN'T mean much to him during those 7 months. It kind of hurts.
Author basscatcher Posted May 18, 2006 Author Posted May 18, 2006 Now that is really freaky. I just got a call from him. I was just starting to feel really uneasy about wasting the last 7 months on a man who didn't give a shyt about me and he just called. Weird...Coincidense.... He called just to say hi and see what I have been up to. It was just small talk like before. He complained that he hasn't gotten his Harley yet. He is thinking about trying to get it this weekend. He claims he hasn't gone out because landscaping hasn't picked up yet and the money isn't flowing in like he wants so he is laying low. Well, now I don't feel so bad.. I was beginning to think and feel negatively. I'm such a baby..
daphne Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 That is a crazy coincidence. But I think you know that he wasn't really good in a relationship to begin with (read your previous posts about him). So hopefully he won't try later to get you back when he's feeling lonely. It'll keep you from moving forward and finding someone who can treat you better.
Author basscatcher Posted May 18, 2006 Author Posted May 18, 2006 That is a crazy coincidence. But I think you know that he wasn't really good in a relationship to begin with (read your previous posts about him). So hopefully he won't try later to get you back when he's feeling lonely. It'll keep you from moving forward and finding someone who can treat you better. I won't let him stop me from meeitng someone new. I know he can't fill my needs. I worked on it for 7 months and there was no change. He admitted he won't change that what I was missing he isn't able to provide it. He is a good guy, he just isn't able to meet my emotional or mental needs in a committed, monogomous, intimate relationship/partnership. He is fine in the friend zone. I don't need so much affection from a friend as I do from someone I'm intimately involved with. I am use to having him in my life. I'm use to the phone calls and the daily small talk. He wasn't much of a romantic anyway. If he can accept the friends zone then fine. Otherwise, letting go of the connection, the habits and expectations is not easy. Neither one of us is obsessive with each other or controlling so I don't feel the need for NC. There is no threat thusfar of either of us interferring in one anothers life or future relationships trying to get the other back. It was nice just to hear him call last night. The conversaiton lasted about 5-10 minutes. It was just a basic "how are you doing?' call.
alphamale Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 But, its it normal for contact type men to easily go so aloof? yes. He is the one who initiated 98% of the phone calls, dates, etc. thats not what I'd call balance... For being together for 7 months it sure seems easy for him to just accept and walk away after everything. thats what you wanted, remember?? No I don't want to get back together with him. Although, there is a part of me that really misses the attention. typical female behaviour... I have been thinking that I really DIDN'T mean much to him during those 7 months. It kind of hurts. so?! you left him....what do you think he's feeling?
NTB Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 thanks alpha!...i thought everything he gave her is what she wanted and now she misses him and wonders what she meant to him??
Author basscatcher Posted May 18, 2006 Author Posted May 18, 2006 thats not what I'd call balance... it was nice. i sucked it up and still am grateful for it. thats what you wanted, remember?? Yes, I still do. I don't want the kind of relationship I had with him. It was empty, lonely and one sided. typical female behaviour... Maybe so. I like attention. I hate solitude. I am one who likes to have people near. so?! you left him....what do you think he's feeling? I don't know what he is feeling or thinking. I am going by what he said several times. "You will never get rid of me. I will always be here. The least we will be is friends." I know words are words and they shouldn't be taken as solid gold. I think when we have faith in someone and trust them we take there word. I took his word. I took his statement to heart. I am not good with seperation, I have feeling abandonment even when I do it to myself..
Author basscatcher Posted May 20, 2006 Author Posted May 20, 2006 I need to rant.. I'm irratated with all this. I had a wakeup call/reality check this morning upon waking from my slumber. Charlie called me twice yesterday. The first call was ok. He was up at the cabin with his kids and brothers. He just wanted to say hi and ask how I was doing. Then he called again. Upon that call I could hear it in his voice he wasn't ok. I asked him how he was doing and he said good and bad. I asked him what he ment by that he started to spill his story about his Xgf. He said he has another step in closure regarding her but he is concerned about her children. What he said wasn't making sense and I was a bit uncomfortable and stupified about the conversation. He started tell me how he knows what kind of woman she is and that she is incapable of commitment and how independant she is. He explained once again how she had been calling him for little things and he hadn't responded to her in two weeks. He said he drove by her house Friday and seen her furniture sitting outside so out of curiosity he called her and she told him that she was moving in with her bf. (they have been seeing each other for 7 months) Charlie was trying to act concerned about her kids and I stopped him. I told him straight out that this isn't about her children as much as it is about him.... His feelings for her.. I told him that he felt hurt when she told him that she was moving in with the guy. I think because she never lived with Charlie, the fact that she pushed for a commitment with him and then was also the one to break off the engagement (3 times) he was hurt because she is taking a step with her new man that she didn't do with him. I told him he THINKS he is getting over her and is ready to move forward BUT his HEART is still attached to her. I reminded him this was one of the reasons why I didn't feel he and I would work out. He didn't have the availability to invest in a relationship with me. He admitted I was right about his feelings being hurt because she is moving in with this man. He tried to make excuses why she was doing it. I told him to stop. I told him if she is pg, if she is in financial hardship and cant afford the rent on her house, whatever it is it is none of his business and she can do what she wants. I told him if she is pg, if she found a balance with this other man she didn't have with him, if she chose to marry this man he will feel hurt again, more and more until he accepts that they are not going to be together. I also told him it could be the opposite. She could be moving in with this man because she is trying to get him to save her from herself. To be the man, her hero, her savior.... I told Charlie that he needs to get help with his feelings about her if he is going to continue this obsession with her. Then he changed the subject.. I asked him why he called me to talk about this stuff. I asked him if he missed me or something. He then said he didn't know. 'his classic line'..... That hurt me to hear him say that. He can call me, lean on me, look for my input about his situation, whatever but he can't admit he misses me. When I woke up this morning I realized that he is using me for support, as someone to help him understand her and his situation. I DON"T want to be used like that..... I was ok with him venting on me but when he told me he diddn't know if he missed me and that was why he was calling me IT HURT... When he calls me next time (I suspect maybe Sunday when he gets back from the cabin) I am going to tell me to stop calling me when he needs someone to cry on. I won't allow him to use me like this. He is upsetting me talking about Her... Is he so stupid that he thinks I am so strong that his feelings about his X wont hurt me now that he and I are not dating anymore. WTF.. What a idiot. What a Idiot I was for not seeing what was happening yesterday. (STUPID PADA.... STUPID PADA...) Why am I so gulible? Why do I fall into these situations. I am too nice, to giving, to forgiving as a friend told me. He took advantage of my compassion and my wisdom without concern for my feelings.. I was a idiot.. He's going to get a peice of my mind and I won't allow him to use me again to vent on about his feelings regarding his X... I don't need that shyt in my life. Allowing Charlie to use me like a friend only is only going to hurt me because of the history and feelings I have/had for him. I need to nip this is the bud... NOW...
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