Gemini1975 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I am married and to make a long story short. I have recently kissed my best friend of 20 years. I have feelings for him - im not talkin puppy dog lust feelings Im talkin real feelings. I have had these feelings for years - they come and go depending on how much I see him. I never acted on them until a few months ago - For the years before the kiss I was strong and always maintained that I would never cheat. I though cheating to be discusting. So what happened, what changed I don't know but threw my posts I have realized a couple of things. 1) I will destroy my marriage If the affair were to continue. 2) I have betrayed my Husbands trust although he does not know it. 3) After knowing the consicences of 1 & 2 I still desire the other man. So my question to everyone is - What do I do about it. A couple people have given me there suggestions and I appreciate it but the more input I get the more it helps me. Thank you too my friends that have already helped me on-line.
blind_otter Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 You have two choices. End your marriage, or stop being in contact with the OM, reveal your issue to your Husband, and try to work things out through marriage counseling. No one can make that decision for you. You have to decide. Maybe if you came clean with your husband it might help you decide which way to go because at this point, I think you'd both be better off if you just told him. Hell, he might make the decision for you and leave.
whichwayisup Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 they come and go depending on how much I see him. Be honest...Those times you don't see him and your feelings for him are less, how do you feel about your husband? Did you find yourself thinking of him at all? Or was it more like, out of sight, out of mind? I ask this because if you truly love him, and feel you two should be together, then tell your husband you want a divorce. Don't tell your husband with the intent of fixing your marriage if you really don't want to fix your marriage. Only tell him if you want to SAVE your marriage and stay with him. Hope that makes sense. I also suggest you go seek one on one counselling. I don't know if you're really inlove with your bestfriend or if he is just filling in alot of needs for you and you can't live without him - Just like maybe you can't live without your husband as he fills other needs, so together, having both of these men in your life, you're happy. Bottom line, ask yourself this too - Can you be 100% happy with "just" one? You need to take time to really think about who you want. Maybe that calls for a trial separation from your husband and NO CONTACT with your bestfriend so you can figure things out on your own. I'm not telling you to separate, but I don't know how you're going to manage deciding with them both in your life daily. From what I can tell, this situation can't go on for much longer...Sooner or later your husband will clue in and figure it out on his own.
guitar71 Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 if you can't cut out your best friend from your life, then be with him - you can't have both. what you're doing now is terrible to both.
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