Carlthecoffeeaddict Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I've been reading a lot of the advice given on the topic of being separated/breaking up with someone you have been seeing/together etc.. The golden rule with moving on is apparently NC, (No contact) and I can understand it completely. However, the NC rule is the best thing you can do to make your ex/so realize what he/she has lost.... My problem is....I just can't be nice to her in our conversations and I have become a total complete jerk...out of my anger for the outcome of our relationship. How is it, that even though she wants to remain "good friends" and still has interest in me, but yet goes back to her ex, that i can be civil about it? Is it just me or does someone just sound plain selfish? Am i selfish in my behavior towards her? I am miserable about her, I miss her a lot, our friendship and i Feel like a huge jerk for being so mean to her, as some of my guy friends have said to put on the "as*hole" switch. Apparently this behavior works? I dont know.
GB111 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Hi Carl, Sorry to hear you're going through this. Here's my 2 cents. I would go NC. Being a jerk is unlikely to get her back, and will certainly make her think less of you as a person. The ONLY way she's going to re-think your relationship is if she has time to think about what she has lost. The only way she's going to think about what she has lost is if you are not available to her. The only way she's going to know you're not available to her is to leave her alone. Let her know that life goes on without her, and you are perfectly capable of being a happy person without her. Having said that, I'm not a big believer in trying to get back together with ANYONE who has broken up with you. You need to think about what you want from this relationship, and whether or not that is realistically attainable. If not, move on. It will just save you further pain later down the road. Good luck! GB
reservoirdog1 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Unless you have children with her or collective property that hasn't been divided up yet, you don't need to have any contact with her if you don't want to. I'll assume that neither of those are the case, however. You are completely within your rights to not want to have contact. It sounds like she's the one who ended the relationship and you didn't want it to end. Going no contact is, most likely, the best and most healthy thing for you. You don't need her in your face, trying to cajole you into being friends. That will just make your healing process longer. Friendship represents the table scraps they throw us after breaking our hearts. And don't kid yourself: the main reason she wants it is because it will make HER feel better about ending the relationship. If I were you, I'd write her a firm but polite email. Tell her that you can't have contact with her, because it hurts too much. Tell her that it's unfortunate that your needs and her wants aren't compatible right now, but your first responsibility is to yourself and you can't make her wants your prime consideration anymore. Tell her that you can only have her in your life in the context of a committed relationship, nothing more. Don't be nasty or judgmental. Just state the facts and keep it polite. If she takes an objection to what you say, then it officially becomes her problem, not yours. Frankly, if your not wanting to have contact with her suggests a certain amount of selfishness on your part, then so be it. You're as much entitled to be selfish after the relationship as she is. The only person who really knows what's best for you, and who's looking out for your best interests, is you.
Ruff Ryder Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t88774/ its about happiness before and after a relation ship
Author Carlthecoffeeaddict Posted May 18, 2006 Author Posted May 18, 2006 "Friendship represents the table scraps they throw us after breaking our hearts. And don't kid yourself: the main reason she wants it is because it will make HER feel better about ending the relationship" Thats EXACTLY my point. Thank you for pointing that out, now I dont feel like a schumck when saying "you can't have your cake and eat it too". How can I have given her, the relationship, everything, so much faith in working out that I now have to dismiss it as not working out and resolving to just a "friendship" I have enough friends. The fact that when i see her pic on facebook it hurts way too much for me to handle necessitates No Contact and perhaps forgetting about her altogether which sucks Why should i be the schumuck and give her the benefit of my friendship? I know i sound like an a**hole but being this way isn't intentional!
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