kyla Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I've been in a relationship for more than 3 1/2 yrs, with a 33 year old man. But we see each other only 2 times a month. He's my first boyfriend, but i never experienced with him of what lovers do, i mean dating, watching movie, etc becoz we far from each other & maybe becoz he's older than me! But the feelings i have with my boyfriend is not that kind of very much inlove. Actually before i say yes to him that i do love him there's a doubt on me. I'm not sure of my feelings to him, but maybe becoz of curiosity to have boyfriend i told him that i love him. Until such time i meet a guy in net. Basically in chatrooms. He's 27 yr old. Funny, music lover like me & i think were so comfortarble with each other. Until such time he said to me that he likes me & love me. Before I told him that i dont have boyfriend so we became lovers, until such time that i dont want to lie to him & then i told about my boyfriend. He got shocked & told me that i lied to him. He get mad at me. He wants to leave me but im begging him to stay & i promise him that im going to break up my bofriend just for him. Then he gave me another chance. We bacame close to each other until we decided to meet personally. We're very comfortable with other, i know that i have feelings with him & im happy with him. Until such time that my boyfriend knows all about us. At first i told him that im happy with my chatmate boyfriend, but he keeps on insisting his self to me. He's begging me to stay with him becoz he really really do love me. But i love also my chatmate boyfriend. But throuhg his kindness & love to me i can't leave him. But i know that im happy with my chatmate boyfriend. And im so sure of my feelings to my boyfriend that is not kind of true. How can i explain to him so that he will accept everything that im not happy with him. Im very much confused if who will i choose? Please help with this problem! Is it right that i will follow my heart if where i am happy? Or i will stay to my boyfriend becoz im concern & care for him. I hope u can help me to my problem! thnank you so much:confused:
Carlthecoffeeaddict Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 My honest opinion is to go with what you feel is best for you, your chatmate bf seems to be more in sync with who you are as a person, whereas your 33 yr. old bf wants you for security and peace of mind. From your writing, it seems as if you are trying to accomodate yourself to the 33 yr old out of not hurting him. you are already hurting him by talking to someone else, so why bother stringing him along if this chat bf is something you really want?? its ok to be selfish, its the only way you are going to be happy. your relationship with your 33 yr old is not really a solid relationship, and seeing him 2x a months is not enough to test the waters. So you have to set your foot down and decide on what you really want.
GB111 Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 Being concerned for someone is not a reason to stay in a relationship with them. You're hurting yourself and your boyfriend. You said you don't love him. If that's the case, let him get on and meet someone else. I'd dump you if I were either one of them. You lied to both of them which is hardly the foundation of a successful relationship. Any successful relationship is built on trust, the most important aspect of which is honesty.
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