OzGirl Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Hi everyone, Just letting you know, I'm 'leaving' this forum. I know that sounds bizarre, but have seen others post when they do, so felt it was the polite thing to do. It's been nearly 4 years since I met my ex-MM. I remember when I did. He was quiet - cool, calm and collected. We met at work, and we produced outstanding results for the departments we respectively managed, and did so by working hard with each other and helping each other. Many late nights in the boardroom, many early starts before everyone else arrived at the office, weekend meetings with our boss... it was hard work, and he and I loved every second of it - we were a little team who make a big impact together, as it turned out. It's now been about 9 months since I last saw him. I want you all to know the truth, and that is, that it was the time of my life - working with him (which lasted about 8 months) and then when I resigned, he pursued me even more. I had never in my life felt so adored my another person, and that feeling was the best I've had when it comes to men. The problem was, I wanted more. He made me want it. He gave me every reason to want it and to patiently want to wait for it. He gave me every indication to believe he wanted it to, and the timing would be right for it to happen. It didn't. The reasons changed, and one led to the other. I started to question if he was as committed as he'd led me to believe. Waiving him goodbye as he left my house to go home became almost not worth seeing him a lot of the time. It was just to painful to do. I started to try and back out, but he kept reeling me back in. No, it wasn't just me being a little weak - it was really very hard to turn down the promises... without them, there was no chance. And, all the pain came from a longing to have a life with him someday. It wasn't easy, and therefore, not maintained, to say I'd had enough of the situation. Out of the blue, without any preparation for it to happen at all, his wife found out about my existance, and I found out about his true marrital status. He wasn't separated, sleeping in separate rooms, getting the house finished to sell. He was very much married, his wife going through the initial stages of IVF, the house looking like it was very much lived in with new furniture (some still with the plastic on), and the spare bedroom was just a bed. I never knew you could have your heart broken THAT much. The pain was un-ending. It affected everything in my life. Everything. There were times where I just had no ability to think, let alone accept that it might not be like this forever. It had already felt like forever within an hour of finding out the truth about this man who I'd loved with every piece of me. I've said it before, but it hurt through my veins. Literally. If only I could word it for those who read this and don't know it. I bought books, tried to speak to friends, and then finally turned to the internet. Eventually, I found LS. And, from then on... the healing started. There's been anger, frustration, sadness, denial, and hate been vented at times within these threads from me... but along the way, there's been understanding, education, forgiveness, sympathy, and emotional journeys I never knew I'd see in other people, and feel, myself, for others. It has helped me not just look at the MM and ask why did he do this to me, but also made me ask - why did I let him. For those of you who are getting involved with a MM - it might seem like fun, and the feelings might be great. Enjoy it while you can - but do so knowing the pain really is EQUALLY as deep if it comes to a grinding halt and you didn't control that happening. For those of you who are trying to get out of the situation with the MM - be strong, and use the moments of weakness to look inward - not outward at him - and ask yourself why you feel the way you do at the time - what is it you're craving from him, and why are you craving it. This is hard, but one day, you're going to be strong enough and you will do it. And, you will get through that part and come out of this far more educated on yourself than you had previously probably thought you needed to be. I don't think about the MM anymore, and when I do - finally I can say it's now indifference. If I tried to squeeze a tear out for him, I couldn't. If tried to feel fondly of 'the good times' I can't... they just aren't that good looking back at them. So, I feel, now to come back in here on a daily (or so) basis, which is what I've been doing, is just stepping back into the world of extra-marrital-affairs and I've left it on the inside. I want to leave it on the outside, too, and that includes in here. There are so many of you who I share something with, and SO many of you who are responsible for helping me find and make each step out of the hole. To all you wonderful, beautiful women, I wish you all the very best with every day of the rest of your lives. You deserve to feel happy, and you really do all deserve a man who would move moutains to be with you. If you don't have that, then it's only yourself you have to admit it to if you want it to change. Many of you have probably read this, but I will post it for those who haven't. It's a poem. A girlfriend of mine rang me up and read it to me after I left my daughter's father when she was a baby, to remind me of 'who you are to the world'. I hope it makes you feel good to read it, too. Take care of each other, the ones in your life who you love, and most importantly, yourselves. You are all now and forever, phenomenal women. Cheers, N. (aka Ozgirl) Phenomenal Woman Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's sizeBut when I start to tell them,They think I'm telling lies.I say,It's in the reach of my armsThe span of my hips,The stride of my step,The curl of my lips.I'm a womanPhenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me. I walk into a roomJust as cool as you please,And to a man,The fellows stand orFall down on their knees.Then they swarm around me,A hive of honey bees.I say,It's the fire in my eyes,And the flash of my teeth,The swing in my waist,And the joy in my feet.I'm a womanPhenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me. Men themselves have wonderedWhat they see in me.They try so muchBut they can't touchMy inner mystery.When I try to show themThey say they still can't see.I say,It's in the arch of my back,The sun of my smile,The ride of my breasts,The grace of my style.I'm a woman Phenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me. Now you understandJust why my head's not bowed.I don't shout or jump aboutOr have to talk real loud.When you see me passingIt ought to make you proud.I say,It's in the click of my heels,The bend of my hair,the palm of my hand,The need of my care,'Cause I'm a womanPhenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me. Maya Angelou
OldEurope Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 This was a nice, well-written, self-reflective post OzGirl, and may your Yellow Brick Road bring you to a truly magical, (single) guy. Au Revoir
Sami_D Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Oh OzGirl. It will be a totally different place without you around here. You've written so many great posts and helped so many people, including me. Thanks so much for being here and sharing your story and thoughts. I completely understand how you feel about wanting to move on now, however. I won't ask if you'll come back occasionally to check up on us, because I really hope you won't think back to these times ever again! The best of luck and happiness in everything you do!
Lishy Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 That post brought tears to my eyes and goosepimples up my arms! Truly ....... Good luck in your future Ozgirl .. You deserve it!
movinon05 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Insightful as always Ozgirl. Your inspiring words will truly be missed. You've helped me learn a lot about myself as well. Best of luck to you!! Be well. Be Happy!!
Ladyjane14 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Good luck, OzGirl. I think you're absolutely right to stop labeling yourself as an OW. It's a healthy thing when you can finally allow your internal view to become redefined. It's leaves the past where it belongs....in the past. You've gained knowledge from the experience, but you get to take that knowledge with you into the future. It doesn't have to be a ball and chain, keeping you from moving forward. Good for you.
stillafool Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Good bye OzGirl. That was a lovely post that brought tears to my eyes because you are so right. I wish you all the best and your "true, true love" is yet to come.
BUTAFLY Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I never thought a post would bring me to tears but.. We are all in different stages of getting over MM and I aspire to be where you are right now. Thank you for your brilliant post and cheers to new beginnings.
prfrogkisser Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I wish you well and lots of luck in your new journey. Be ready to live your best life now... and remember to always choose to be happy.
Lishy Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I hope any of you stuck in a dead end relationship with a married man will read that and KNOW you are worth so much more, no matter how good he makes you feel or how happy you are right now, misery is around the corner! You all deserve the best and you will never get it from a MM!
Jessie61 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 OzGirl, You will be truely missed! I wish you all the best for the future!!!
movinon05 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Ah, I just recognized your thread title! duh! my favorite movie in all the world. Now I know you're cool! lol! Climb every mountain is awesome! I hope you do that for you as well.
silentjuliet Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Hi everyone, Just letting you know, I'm 'leaving' this forum. I know that sounds bizarre, but have seen others post when they do, so felt it was the polite thing to do. It's been nearly 4 years since I met my ex-MM. I remember when I did. He was quiet - cool, calm and collected. We met at work, and we produced outstanding results for the departments we respectively managed, and did so by working hard with each other and helping each other. Many late nights in the boardroom, many early starts before everyone else arrived at the office, weekend meetings with our boss... it was hard work, and he and I loved every second of it - we were a little team who make a big impact together, as it turned out. It's now been about 9 months since I last saw him. I want you all to know the truth, and that is, that it was the time of my life - working with him (which lasted about 8 months) and then when I resigned, he pursued me even more. I had never in my life felt so adored my another person, and that feeling was the best I've had when it comes to men. The problem was, I wanted more. He made me want it. He gave me every reason to want it and to patiently want to wait for it. He gave me every indication to believe he wanted it to, and the timing would be right for it to happen. It didn't. The reasons changed, and one led to the other. I started to question if he was as committed as he'd led me to believe. Waiving him goodbye as he left my house to go home became almost not worth seeing him a lot of the time. It was just to painful to do. I started to try and back out, but he kept reeling me back in. No, it wasn't just me being a little weak - it was really very hard to turn down the promises... without them, there was no chance. And, all the pain came from a longing to have a life with him someday. It wasn't easy, and therefore, not maintained, to say I'd had enough of the situation. Out of the blue, without any preparation for it to happen at all, his wife found out about my existance, and I found out about his true marrital status. He wasn't separated, sleeping in separate rooms, getting the house finished to sell. He was very much married, his wife going through the initial stages of IVF, the house looking like it was very much lived in with new furniture (some still with the plastic on), and the spare bedroom was just a bed. I never knew you could have your heart broken THAT much. The pain was un-ending. It affected everything in my life. Everything. There were times where I just had no ability to think, let alone accept that it might not be like this forever. It had already felt like forever within an hour of finding out the truth about this man who I'd loved with every piece of me. I've said it before, but it hurt through my veins. Literally. If only I could word it for those who read this and don't know it. I bought books, tried to speak to friends, and then finally turned to the internet. Eventually, I found LS. And, from then on... the healing started. There's been anger, frustration, sadness, denial, and hate been vented at times within these threads from me... but along the way, there's been understanding, education, forgiveness, sympathy, and emotional journeys I never knew I'd see in other people, and feel, myself, for others. It has helped me not just look at the MM and ask why did he do this to me, but also made me ask - why did I let him. For those of you who are getting involved with a MM - it might seem like fun, and the feelings might be great. Enjoy it while you can - but do so knowing the pain really is EQUALLY as deep if it comes to a grinding halt and you didn't control that happening. For those of you who are trying to get out of the situation with the MM - be strong, and use the moments of weakness to look inward - not outward at him - and ask yourself why you feel the way you do at the time - what is it you're craving from him, and why are you craving it. This is hard, but one day, you're going to be strong enough and you will do it. And, you will get through that part and come out of this far more educated on yourself than you had previously probably thought you needed to be. I don't think about the MM anymore, and when I do - finally I can say it's now indifference. If I tried to squeeze a tear out for him, I couldn't. If tried to feel fondly of 'the good times' I can't... they just aren't that good looking back at them. So, I feel, now to come back in here on a daily (or so) basis, which is what I've been doing, is just stepping back into the world of extra-marrital-affairs and I've left it on the inside. I want to leave it on the outside, too, and that includes in here. There are so many of you who I share something with, and SO many of you who are responsible for helping me find and make each step out of the hole. To all you wonderful, beautiful women, I wish you all the very best with every day of the rest of your lives. You deserve to feel happy, and you really do all deserve a man who would move moutains to be with you. If you don't have that, then it's only yourself you have to admit it to if you want it to change. Many of you have probably read this, but I will post it for those who haven't. It's a poem. A girlfriend of mine rang me up and read it to me after I left my daughter's father when she was a baby, to remind me of 'who you are to the world'. I hope it makes you feel good to read it, too. Take care of each other, the ones in your life who you love, and most importantly, yourselves. You are all now and forever, phenomenal women. Cheers, N. (aka Ozgirl) Phenomenal Woman Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's sizeBut when I start to tell them,They think I'm telling lies.I say,It's in the reach of my armsThe span of my hips,The stride of my step,The curl of my lips.I'm a womanPhenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me. I walk into a roomJust as cool as you please,And to a man,The fellows stand orFall down on their knees.Then they swarm around me,A hive of honey bees.I say,It's the fire in my eyes,And the flash of my teeth,The swing in my waist,And the joy in my feet.I'm a womanPhenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me. Men themselves have wonderedWhat they see in me.They try so muchBut they can't touchMy inner mystery.When I try to show themThey say they still can't see.I say,It's in the arch of my back,The sun of my smile,The ride of my breasts,The grace of my style.I'm a woman Phenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me. Now you understandJust why my head's not bowed.I don't shout or jump aboutOr have to talk real loud.When you see me passingIt ought to make you proud.I say,It's in the click of my heels,The bend of my hair,the palm of my hand,The need of my care,'Cause I'm a womanPhenomenally.Phenomenal woman,That's me. Maya Angelou First off I toast to you for your strength and your growth. I also want to thank you for your response to my post. I really appreciate your words and perspective. And also that is one of my favorite poems. Every woman should have that poem printed up and on their cork board or fridge and read it everyday for empowerment. I wish the best of luck and wisdom in life for you and I think it's great that you can move on even from the forums. Each day is always the first day of the rest of your life. Yesterday is always the past and today is always a clean slate.
My_Other_I Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 OzGirl, time comes when you feel that this forum doesn't help anymore. It actually drags you back down with memories at times. I've been there, too. I had to leave in order to complete the process of coping. I wish you the best and I hope that you check in every now and then and share your gained wisdom and insights with us and newly broken-hearted other women who cannot see what you see yet. I will miss you dearly, you have helped me put many things in perspective. Your posts helped me get back up and walk straight when I thought I couldn't go anymore. Thanks! MOI
eyeswideshut Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 oh Oz girl, thank you so much for your help and kindness. You will be missed!!! Please let us know how you are doing from time to time and good luck!
Blind Illusion Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 Hi everyone, For those of you who are trying to get out of the situation with the MM - be strong, and use the moments of weakness to look inward - not outward at him - and ask yourself why you feel the way you do at the time - what is it you're craving from him, and why are you craving it. This is hard, but one day, you're going to be strong enough and you will do it. And, you will get through that part and come out of this far more educated on yourself than you had previously probably thought you needed to be. Even as you depart from here, you leave me with something I so needed to read tonight, which is that part of your post above. I was in a sad way, craving the MM. You are absolutely correct in that I am looking outward to MM to placate inward things like my marriage and me. I wish you the best of everything OzGirl and will miss your most insightful posts.
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