littlekitty Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I agree wholeheartedly LK. 'f*** = afraid of intimacy' is quite a harsh statement. Although if a person tends to sway towards f***ing the whole time and totally dismisses any kind of love making then yes, I would maybe tend to agree with SM to a certain extent, that these people are afraid of emotional intimacy on a certain level. Yep... I'd agree with that Spidy!
SmoochieFace Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I was impressed with you not the "knowledge". Whatever.
SmoochieFace Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 *f***ing* as in casual sex, FWBs, ONSs... you get the picture.
Author ehead Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 Well, all of this is quite interesting. There is sort of a split over exactly where the distinction lies. Some people think the distinction involves technique, that is slow/fast, gentle/rough, etc ... Others think the distinction lies in what you are *feeling* at the time. I think this is what my girlfriend meant. There has been plenty of variety when it comes to technique. We role play, talk dirty to each other, look at porn together, tie each other up, have quick and rough sex, and other times have long, slow, gentle sex. It's strange thinking that all that time she has maintained some emotional distance (if I interpret her right). I've had slow and gentle sex with her, and been sort of emotionally distant, or emotionally lazy if you will. So I know what she means. Other times I feel like I've connected on a very deep level. It's strange to think someone could always maintain an emotional distance. It's also strange to consider how one can really never know what's going on in the mind of another, without asking. Even then you may not get the truth. I'm under the impression this aversion to love making comes from a certain cynicism and sarcasm she feels about sex. Maybe she just seperates sex from her feelings more than I do. Come to think of it ... once she told me she considered sex to be almost like an activity ... sort of like excercising, only more fun. She thought it was strange that I tended to imbue it with all this meaning, this sort of mystical spiritualism or something. I've found myself more and more thinking about it the way she does. It's probably been a while since I've *made love* to her.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I'm under the impression this aversion to love making comes from a certain cynicism and sarcasm she feels about sex. Maybe she just seperates sex from her feelings more than I do. Come to think of it ... once she told me she considered sex to be almost like an activity ... sort of like excercising, only more fun. She thought it was strange that I tended to imbue it with all this meaning, this sort of mystical spiritualism or something. I've found myself more and more thinking about it the way she does. It's probably been a while since I've *made love* to her. Do you guys say "I love you" ? Is it known the two of you are a couple? Or are you guys more casual?
Alexandra Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 It's probably been a while since I've *made love* to her. That's a very interesting point, maybe so. You're right, some people discussed technique, others the nature of the feelings involved, maybe another distinction on whether or not both partners should be "in tune" should have been brought up. It does indeed sound like there may be an emotional problem but not necessarily between the two of you as much as an issue of her own. From what you know of her, are there prior reasons for her to develop a fear of intimacy, a highly defensive stance and/or an affective disorder?
catgirl1927 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Couldn't she be talking about the semantics rather than the act itself? Maybe she thinks the phrase is cheesy. Oh sorry, cheeeeeesy.
Author ehead Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 She tells me she loves me all the time. I believe her. Did she pick up this cynicism from our culture perhaps ? She's told me she has never had any bad experiences. Love and sex just seem to be completely different things to her. ohh ! I should mention she is (was) Catholic. She went to Catholic school. She has since rebelled. Cynicism seems to be a common theme to her personality. It's one of the things that attracted me to her. The only holy grail to her is love. It's the only thing I havn't seen her act cynical about.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 She tells me she loves me all the time. I believe her. Did she pick up this cynicism from our culture perhaps ? She's told me she has never had any bad experiences. Love and sex just seem to be completely different things to her. Maybe it is. To some people that seems to be the case. It was for me for awhile until I was ready for a real relationship. Have you considered she isn't quite ready to have a serious relationship and that is her way of holding back? How old is she?
catgirl1927 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Love and sex just seem to be completely different things to her. I thought men totally searched their whole lives for a woman like that!!!
Tim'sAngel Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I thought men totally searched their whole lives for a woman like that!!! :lmao:
Author ehead Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 Maybe it is. To some people that seems to be the case. It was for me for awhile until I was ready for a real relationship. Have you considered she isn't quite ready to have a serious relationship and that is her way of holding back? How old is she? You know, now that I think about it, that is a serious posibility. I think she has developed strong feelings for me, and that has scared her. She probably wasn't looking for a serious relationship. I think another possibility is those Nuns in Catholic school damn near ruined sex for her. It's as if by rebelling against there prudishness, she has swung fully over to the other extreme.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 You know, now that I think about it, that is a serious posibility. I think she has developed strong feelings for me, and that has scared her. She probably wasn't looking for a serious relationship. OK, now we're getting somewhere. I am the expert at this!!! (unfortunately) I did the same thing w/someone I started having feelings for someone who I considered my "f*** buddy" It scared me so much I made sure I repeatedly made the point that this was "JUST FOR SEX" Make sure and give her space. If she feels like you are trying to change her, she will more than likely run. If the feelings are there, they will come out eventually in good time
ronnieromance Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I thought men totally searched their whole lives for a woman like that!!! Problem is, we'd probably psyche ourselves out of dating her. -R-
ronnieromance Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 ehead. I think you're reading to far into this. Not saying you are right or wrong, just that you're spending to much energy trying to psychoanalyze her. I think you are in a way, judging her, too. Even if she got caught by a nun in school, thinking about being swept off her feet and masturbating to the idea, and consequently wants to have her hair pulled and neck squeezed...so what? Accept it because, chances are, you wont change her. It almost sounds like you want to "rescue" her...Bad, bad move, man. -R-
Mz. Pixie Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Okay, if it's cheesy to her does that mean she wants to stop?? What was the content of the conversation? Was it "Not tonight honey, because making love is cheeeeesy?"
Recommended Posts