baknox Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together for 5+ years and there has been no sign of commitment. He still lives at home (almost 27 yrs old - that's another forum though) but has just bought a house and has been working on it. He as been asking for my advice and input on the new items and decorations for the house. We are making decisions on the house as if it were going to be our home. Until about 1-2 weeks ago I thought we weren't getting married because he did not have the money to buy the ring that we like (we have been looking at engagement rings 2-3 times and have picked out a ring). He told me a few weeks ago he was not sure if he wanted to get married. He told me not just not to me but in general. He said he thinks he would eventually but he is content now and why change something that is currently working. We get along well, we have good times when were are together. There is no abuse of any kind in our relationship. I will be done with school in July and I have told him if there is not a commitment soon I will be looking for jobs away from him. He told me looking does not hurt. What does that mean? Was he being literal or just trying to say "Go, I don't care". What should I do? I don't want to lose him. I Love him and I see him being the father of my children but I can't wait forever.
feistybutloving Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 You and your boyfriend need to sit down and talk and find out whats really going on. You and your boyfriend may have been together for a long time but marriage is a lifetime commitment Maybe it's a step he's not ready to take and if so you need to respect that. This is all new to him and he is probally hurt by your commit, and if you don't want to lose him don't try to force him. When the time is right he'll come through. There is nothing wrong with him feeling contented in the realationship right now your both young and have a life time ahead besides, have you ever lived with him? Do you know what it's going to be like? You both need to be 100% sure this is what you want.
timidity99 Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I'm in your boyfriend's shoes. I understand where he's coming from. The only difference is that I don't live with my parents. I like living alone and the personal space I have. I just came out of a 3 year relationship recently because I wanted to wait a few more years before getting married but she didn't want to wait so she left. She proposed to me and I declined her offer. Then the next day she dumped me. She doesn't even want to be friends with me. I wanted to at least stay friends. Your bf didn't say he didn't want to marry you. He just said he doesn't want to get married to anybody. That's a good sign. It shows that he's uncertain about marriage but not because he wants to try a few other girls. So dating other women is not an issue here. I declined my gf's proposal not because I wanted to date other girls but because I know that marriage is a serious step and a big responsibility that I don't take lightly. In the final analysis I'm pretty sure I don't want the responsibility of being a husband to anybody. I don't have many responsibilities as a single man now and I enjoy it. I only have to worry about myself. I don't have any kids. So maybe your bf just isn't ready for those responsibilities. I can't tell you what to do. All I do know is that I need to find a girl who's content with just hanging out & spending the night together on the weekends. I have no desire to live with a woman either. There's no guarantee that I will find a woman who is content with this. I mean my ex didn't want to get married when she met me but ya know how women change their mind & she did after 3 years. Some of her past boyfriends wanted to marry her but she declined. Now it's coming back to her now. The one guy she proposes to declines her offer. I just never know when a woman will change her mind. I'm content with having a sleep over relationship. That means spending time together every other weekend. She can stay over at my place for the weekend but I expect her to go home right after breakfast on sunday mornings. I date because I want companionship not because I'm looking for someone to marry. I get the best of both worlds this way.
starlet Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I was totally in that situation with my boyfriend of four years (who is now my ex-boyfriend, so you can see that it went well, huh!). Ultimately, for me, it was something that...it got to the point where i was upset about it, and it made me feel bad about myself - of the if i were "prettier/thinner/richer/whatever" then he'd want to marry me. for me it got to the point where it became self-destructive emotionally - so if you feel that yu're getting anywhere near that point, you have to speak up, if that's something that is important to you. I understand the "not ready to get married" thing - but i do wonder how long you are supposed to accept that. I mean, if you keep hearing it for a year, two years, three - at one point do you say that you feel like they'll never be ready?
Ladywithafan Posted May 18, 2006 Posted May 18, 2006 I was married twelve years and with my x-husband for fifteen years. I've been divorced since Oct. 2000. I've been with my boyfriend since February 2000. I've built the house, had the children & taken the vacations. My boyfriend is not marriage material...I've heard him say this...and, I don't know if I ever want to get married again either. So we live together. Just a bit of background....now, if I was with the man I'm with now, had looked at rings & then thought about the way he told me that he wasn't ready to get married yet...after SIX YEARS????...I'd just smile and walk away. It's never good to force anyone into anything, especially marriage. You're young, don't waste your time wondering about how to fix what doesn't appear broken...to you. You need to go & experience the world & take the risk. If you lose him, he was never yours....just convenient for the time being. Men are strange like that....they always want the ones they can't have....don't be so available...let him know you mean business...and for god sakes, don't ever live with him and/or any man....until way later in life......you need your privacy too...just like someone posted...and maybe you just might want booty call with privacy after breakfast....so you can have a REAL DATE!
Guest Posted May 19, 2006 Posted May 19, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together for 5+ years and there has been no sign of commitment. He still lives at home (almost 27 yrs old - that's another forum though) but has just bought a house and has been working on it. He as been asking for my advice and input on the new items and decorations for the house. We are making decisions on the house as if it were going to be our home. Until about 1-2 weeks ago I thought we weren't getting married because he did not have the money to buy the ring that we like (we have been looking at engagement rings 2-3 times and have picked out a ring). He told me a few weeks ago he was not sure if he wanted to get married. He told me not just not to me but in general. He said he thinks he would eventually but he is content now and why change something that is currently working. We get along well, we have good times when were are together. There is no abuse of any kind in our relationship. I will be done with school in July and I have told him if there is not a commitment soon I will be looking for jobs away from him. He told me looking does not hurt. What does that mean? Was he being literal or just trying to say "Go, I don't care". What should I do? I don't want to lose him. I Love him and I see him being the father of my children but I can't wait forever. Guy is telling why mess up a good thing?.And the remark of it look out of state for a job should I really spell it out for you..if he care he & want to marry you and have the kids . he would have said said maybe you find something around here. BUT he didn't.Open your eyes up, Stop with the excuse's. But if that your wish to keep wait around for the next five for a ring. i wish you all the best!
SuperMonk Posted May 20, 2006 Posted May 20, 2006 LOL you're wasting time with the guy then! You're still young, dump him while you still got a change before you turn into one of those bitter late 20s, early 30s women I avoid.
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