gnome Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Hello - I'm new to the forums as of today and hadn't seen anything pertaining to my situation, and so I thought I'd give a post a whirl here. So basically my gf and I have been seeing eachother for a little under 2 months, however we've known each other for about 8 months. In those 6 months prior to our relationship we acquainted each other with ourselves and found that we had quite a significant amount of common ground covered, even though we are 5 years apart. I'm 23 and shes 18, and I've had a couple of relationships where I cared about the other, but never proclaimed love for the person, and this is her first serious relationship. I should also add that I haven't been in a relationship for close to three years. The strange part about our relationship is that we have developed so fast and far in such a short amount of time. I have such strong feelings for her and I've told her that I loved her, (which is something I've never told a girl) which isn't a terrible thing because she actually told me first. Anyways though, we have no problems in our actual relationship as far as those types of things go, we don't even talk about issues with honesty and trust because they are things that have just been integrated and neither of us question the other. So, our relationship as it stands is quite possibly the best thing I've ever experienced, and it is for her too, but its starting to confuse her in the sense that yes shes only 18, and shes heading to school starting the fall (by the way, we'll both be no more than 45 mins away from each other at our respective schools) and is in the stage of self discovery and I can pretty much understand where shes coming from when she suggested that she might need time during her first year to get acclimated and settled etc., and that during her second year we could get back together and get a place, cohabitate, etc.. Reality check right? Thats one thing I'm looking for, I have an incredible relationship with someone who cares about me as much as I do for her. She still needs to get all that angst out in her first year of school, and begin the life long path to finding herself. So..... Is this the kind of relationship thats as good as it seems? Or have we both been going through it not aware of reality? Neither one of us believe in the soul-mate idea, and to that effect, I guess I need closure in understanding whether this could be a possible long term relationship, or are we both fooling ourselves? Are we both really lucky that we found each other so early on, or are we kidding ourselves? Shes obviously not sure if she wants to 'take a break' or not, she doesn't want to do anything I don't - and I'm not the type of person who would go out and start dating again, it would take me a couple of years probably to even want to start another relationship. Its really hard to start a meaningful one, and its even harder to find someone so 'perfect' - but then again what do I know, I'm just using what I've already experienced. So - I guess what I'm looking for in the way of advice, are any thoughts on how to come up with a way to either sustain the relationship until the point we feel we could cohabitate. As well as, a basic reality check as to whether what we have is as special as we make it out to be, or whether we've blown it out of proportion. Thanks in advance =]
vi_pn_babe25 Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 You're both still very young. I speak from my own experience. Here's the thing: I was in a long term relationship for about 5 yrs, from when I was 18-23 years-old. I met my (ex) bf my first year of college. Bad mistake, only because for me anyway I couldn't focus on school, on my friends, or even people who I could've met. College is alot different from highschool. I went away for college so I had to learn how to live on my own, and be responsible. In the first semester I met many friends, joined a soriority, participated in campus activities, and maintained a 3.4 GPA. Then in my second semester when I met my (ex) bf, things started to go downhill because I wanted to spend as much time with him that I could. I prety much stoppd hanging out with my friends, didn't participate in activities, and my GPA dropped. So for me it was hard to balance everything all at once, because I wanted the relationship to work out. Needless to say it didn't work out and I broke up with after 5 yrs, when I lived with him. I still regret that I missed out on the "college experience" because I left my freshman year to live with him. And since I was so young when I got into the relationship, I hadn't really explored my options. So I was always wondering if there was someone else better there for me, and I always thought I was missing out on the fun of dating and the whole bit. And to be honest, it lead to cheating (both of us) I'm not saying every relationship that starts out young will lead to infidelity but it most likely will at some point. I still kinda look back and think that I wasted alot of time on something that really wasn't meant to be. So with that said, sorry so long, I think you should really look at the whole picture before you jump into anything serious at such a young age, especially her being 18 years-old. I'm sure, at least later down the road, she's going to wonder if there was something better, just because she hasn't had that much time to really date anyone else. Just think of how much you've done since you were 18, and probably single? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with getting serious at that age but I'm just letting you know what can happen from my experience. I suggest take things slow and let her experience the college life, (studying, meeting new friends, joining clubs, etc) And it's only been 2 months, things can change, so like I said just get to know each other and have fun before you even start thinking about living together because that can be rough too good luck!
Author gnome Posted May 17, 2006 Author Posted May 17, 2006 thanks for the reply, Yes we are still really young, and I understand that girls feel the need to want to get out and experience more for themselves, and that they think there could always be something better (Is that a symptom of American women?), but if a relationship was strong enough do you think that the two people could take their time and work slowly at achieving something they were both happy with in this particular situation? And also, what are peoples opinions on how easy it is to really find someone who really meets all of your expectations and needs - do you think that there are thousands if not tens of thousands of people who could be 'possible' candidates, and that its just a matter of when/how you meet that person, and would leaving a relationship you truly care about just to go poke around and see if theres something better really satisfy you and make you want to come back? I know you only live once, and some people dont have a problem with jumping from person to person in search of what they want - but what happens when you find what you want, or what you think you could want so early on and there aren't any reservations either way about it? The living together thing isnt really a concern for me, because if its a point we reach then so be it, its not a goal of mine - my goal is to get a more thorough understanding of where we stand and how realistic it is to want to maintain a relationship in this state. Thanks again
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