Groovy Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I met a guy at a bar I only go to because my girlfriend's husband works there so we go together. I have never liked anyone at a bar, they're sleazy! But I decided to give this guy a chance. I met him at a restuarant the next day and we talked for about 2 hours. I planned to see him again. He started calling me about 4 times a day the first 3 days. When I mentioned he was overwhelming me and I was just wanted to enjoy getting to know him as a friend with no hurry he got defensive. He was angry I didn't call him back the same day he called. He said he was trying to have a serious relationship and he hasn't meant anyone like me. I pointed out he doesn't even know me. When I mentioned I met someone that week as well as him he asked me if I prefer him over him. I pointed out I don't know either one of them. He told me I was breaking his heart. Along with a lot of other stuff like he doesn't stalk people (interesting), he is adaptable and easygoing, etc. What sucks is I feel alone and liked him before he got obsessive. He has called literally 10-15 times more and I have not returned a phone call in a week. He keeps calling. He was a decent looking guy who seemed intelligent so I am not sure why he is doing this. Should I just tell him on the phone he's scared me off or text him not to call, block his number or have a male friend call him? If it happened to you would you be able to say he just liked you and meet him in public a few more times or would you say good bye real fast? I'm just thinking if he acts like this I am in jeopardy by ever sleeping with him or having him know where I live.
jessssss Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 yikes, that would start to get very weird i'm sure. i would probably just quit answering his calls...that's just me...i hate confrontation when ti comes to hurting someones feelings but you can already tell he's not something you want...maybe not calling will give him the hint...if not i'd prob have a male friend call...just so he doesn't turn into some scary freak. good luck, not sure i helped much.
blind_otter Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 You already told him you weren't interested in what he was offering. IME it's better, if they keep calling, to block their number. Obsessive people rarely get the hint.
Walk Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Definitely DON'T meet the guy again. I have never met someone who tells me off the bat they aren't a stalker unless they've been accused of being one. I would've run so fast that guy would've thought I fell off the face of the earth. I'd go with what B_O says. She's probably has the best advice in this situation. But don't give him another chance because you're feeling lonely. It's a really bad sign he got defensive at you, and that he's decided you're "the one" already. Creepy. Red flags galore. You're sane, he's not. Do what you have to do to get him out of your life quick, and don't worry about hurting his feelings.
Buttaflyy Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I would get a male friend to answer his call next time. He will not stop calling believe me! I'm going through the same thing with a guy that I was trying to be nice to. I'm in a relationship and he knows it. He started crossing the line along time ago and I ignored him. Then that became impossible as a stalker never gives up! He's popped up at my moms house guessing that i'd be there mother's day:o He was right, and I was mortified! He called me 16 times. He texted me 4 times. Sends me instant messages constantly! He's made those same comments in the past how he never met anyone like me blah blah blah... (He doesn't know me either he knows some of my friends who lives in my mothers complex.) Finally, I had my brother call him back and he's limited himself to only sending me IMs (even if I'm not online).
Craig Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 His behavior is textbook (literally) red flag material. Tell him you're not interested, his behavior scares you and to stop calling. If he keeps calling call the police because then THAT is stalking and harassment in many jurisdictions. The police won't arrest them, if they do anything all all, they'll just talk to him.
flowergirl Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I understand how you feel, I've had fun in my past trying to get rid of mentally unstable, obsessed people. First thing you need todo is change your phone number, and I'd suggest you don't go back to that bar, just in case he goes there looking for you. Good luck.
flowergirl Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I understand how you feel, I've had fun in my past trying to get rid of mentally unstable, obsessed people. First thing you need to do is change your phone number, and I'd suggest you don't go back to that bar, just in case he goes there looking for you. Good luck.
feistybutloving Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 That's scary I would be afraid too. It sounds like your having 2nd thoughts I would too. Go with your insticts leave him alone do not let him know where you live the last thing you need is a stalker.
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