tripledigit Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 Need some advice. A few years ago, I had a few very good friends I grew up with. Two in particular were very close, call them A and B. I had a crush on a boy back then (i call it a crush now, but back then i thought i really loved him and waited for him to make a first move thinking he liked me too), and told A all about it. A didn't know him then, but I introduced her to the group of friends who I hung out with the boy. So she met this boy through me. About 2 months later, A confessed that this boy had emailed her various times, and confided things in her etc, and she thought he was interested in her. And when I asked her if she woudl go out with him, she said yes. I was shocked, and felt kind of betrayed. Not really thinking it was her fault, cos he was the one doing all the initation, but after confiding in her about my problems, i just couldn't believe this was happening. We were both pretty upset, and ended up calling B over. Not sure why, at the time, but I guess we just wanted a third party to help us sort out our feelings and what to do. Anwyay, B came over, heard our story, then hurt and angered me was when she turned to me after hearing our story and said "ok, its nothing to do with you now, now we need to figure out what to do with A and the boy". i found out that the next day, she went over to the boy's house and told her that A would say yes if he asked her out. she said she knew how shy the boy was so if she didn't do that, he might not have the guts to make the first proper move to ask B out. Anyway, my crush with teh boy is history. He's now married with A. and i have a partner who i love a lot. i didn't want to see A or B for the first few months after that incident. but now, i see them once in a while, we are always civil and still "friends". there's no bad blood or arguments etc. but i know that we are all kind of holding back, all a bit cautious about our friiendship. for me, trust has been broken and i've felt betrayed by both. it's sometning which is forgiven but hard to forget. yet, sometimes, i really yearn for the friendship and the closeness i once had with A and B and wonder if we had thrown it away for something not really worth it. know that if i tried really hard, i coudl possibly still get close to A and B, maybe even great friends again. anyway, i'm really just posting to rant. its an issue that is not really an "issue" because i have other priorities now, but just once in a while, it's hard to stop the feelings of regret and think back on teh good times we once had. i know though that in practice, i would never be able to get back the same frienddship.
Noos Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 This happened to two good friends of mine at age 20 but they did not remain friends and the person in position of A stayed with the guy for about 18months but they broke up and now he is married to some else. I thought it was rough at the time but a male friend said I had to look at it from the guy's perspective - he has the right to go out with the girl of his choice, whether it will hurt your feelings or not. In my friend's case, A rationalised the betrayal of the person in your position by saying that all is fair when it comes to love. It's difficult to cope with but you need to let it go. Nothing can be done about this.
amerikajin Posted May 17, 2006 Posted May 17, 2006 I think you have to look at it like this: You may have had a crush on the guy, but the guy you wanted obviously showed more interest in your friend than you, unless I'm missing something here. I think this is one of things where what was meant to be simply unfolded in a natural manner - I mean, she did marry the guy. I think that when friend B said that it has nothing to do with you anymore, she was just trying to tell you in a nice way that this guy obviously had the hots for your friend instead of you, so you should just let it happen and be supportive. After all, there was nothing really between you and the guy to begin with except attraction on your part. Maybe some attraction on his part, but as I said, he e-mailed her, not you. That may be tough to swallow, but that's what happened. Maybe that experienced bruised your ego a bit (as it would anyone, not just you) and it hurt more coming from a friend. Understandable. Nevertheless, what happened, happened. If you really felt good about the friendship, I would see if there wasn't a way you could get it back on track and maybe just try to patch things up. It may not be the same, but there's no reason why you guys can't be on good terms again.
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